Writing Feedback / IELTS essay: free health care or not [3]

Hi,
The eesay below is one of my practice for the IELTS test. Any suggestions will be welcomed!
Thanks!

As a fundamental element for everyone's life, health care and the topic related have long been capturing public's attention all the time. A growing number of countries are providing citizens with free health insurance in varying degrees. Apparently, the free medical care policy is widely recognised by the majority of modern society dwellers. However, there are also different voices declaring that it could impact the reular running of the government.

It is widely accepted that everyone who makes contribution to society is deserved to enjoy a life without the concern about their affordability of the expensive healthy treatment. The free health care help people to be more concentrated in their daily life, which will lead to a higher efficiency in creating the wealth. Besides, by providing free health care, the feeling of well-being of citizens can be remarkably fortified, so that the country will be more likely to attract more talents from all over the world. Everyone knows that what is the most precious within one country comes from its intelligent residents, from which it's not difficult to understand that, to some extent, both the country and individual benefit from the free health care system.

Although some governments may have encountered some pressure brought by the high costs of the free health care system, the root cause does not lie in the mechanism itself, but the way how they operate the fund. In another word, the managers should tailor their investment strategy to ensure the profit is always able to overweigh the deficit caused by inflation.

To sum up, since the application of free health care system is regarded as a considerable indicator which represents the living standard of citizens as well as the humanization of the government policy, it's undeniable that the spreading of the system is unstoppable. What is more important, there is still a long way to go to fit the free health care system to the highly diverse human society.

Writing Feedback / IELTS：Modern community life [7]

An increasing number of people do not know their neighbors and never feel a sense of community. What are the causes of this situation? How can we change it?

In contemporary society, there has been a significant trend that people are getting more and more selfish and materialistic. Some citizens even know nothing about their neighbors. As a result, community activity is playing a less important role in citizen's social life these days compared with that in the past. Since social interaction is a fundament of society, the lack of inter-connections could be harmful for the sustainable development of human kind.

It's believed that a fast paced, over stressed life style and fierce competition between individuals could be the root cause of the frustrating reality. First, fast paced rhythm represents limited leisure time. There are always substantial amount of business to deal with, so that community residents no longer have enough time to participate in social interactions when back home. Second, over stress brings forth mental nervousness and fatigue, the only thing a business man intend to do when he/she escape from office or factory is to take a bath and have a good sleep. What is more, over competition intensifies the untrustworthy. The chase for higher position and better income enlarges the gaps among city dwellers. As a result, the single man is more separated from others then before.

Although non-optimistic the situation current is, plenty of improvement is being made at the moment. More and more public entertain facilities are built, which bring a variety of community communication opportunities to the messes. Also, a more flexible working time is provided to ordinary employees in order to ensure the working efficiency. Furthermore, thanks to the highly developed automatic industry, more people are liberated from boring and repeated labor. They now are more energetic to take part in social interaction. So far as I know, these are all effective and correct ways to reinforce the connectivity within a community and strengthen the sense of happiness of modern people.

Any comment would be much appreciated!
Thanks in advance.