Writing Feedback / Gre Issue - the visibility of the police force [3]

Hi Vivian,

Very nice GRE essay!

Comments:

1. Used many and's: However, the memo's conclusion relies on assumptions for which there is no clear evidence, and city council of Smithville may not be taking other factors, and citizens' opinions into account.

2. Please improve the last sentence: You may re-write: To be able to convince...
and the word "will" can be changed as using some statistics is historical (thus, happened in the past)
To convince the citizens of Smithville that these improvements are necessary, the memo should provide evidence and show some statistics that these changes in police force, will, in fact, help to lower the crime rate in Smithville.

thanks!

Goodluck!

If you need further help, you can search for a1papers

thanks and wish you the best!

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1: School Spending_Pie Charts [5]

Hi!

Please correct: However, there was a different in the category of resources and teachers' salaries.

Should be DIFFERENCE

thanks!

Writing Feedback / The causes of living poverty and presidents of poor countries [5]

Hi!

I like your 3 points. Here are my comments:

1. Expound on the economic growth/development. You can mention corruption as culprit on under development of an economy and state some back-up facts, such as the corruption rate of the 3 poorest nation. This can easily be searched in the internet.

2. I think that the poor management skill is a nice idea. You can include lack of political will from the side of the government. You can strengthen this case such as the length of time required to pass a bill in a particular country.

3. Size of family. You can include here that, statistically since poor countries do not have programs on the family planning, coupled with its people who are not educated, the result is a ballooning population which which downsizes the income per capita.

Hope this helps!

For more help you can search me or a1papers

thanks and goodluck!

Writing Feedback / My essay: work at home with computers and modems instead of working in offices daily. [15]

Hi!

Here are my comments:

1. Please check grammars and some spellings. As an examples:
a. grammar: The majority of employees are managed by legislations such as attending in wordplace or finishing tasks on time , especially are state workers have been in charge fairly tight

CORRECTION: The majority of employees is (should use is because of the object of the preposition is not the noun in this sentence)
b. spelling: Only by working at home feasibly workers enhance this, as a result of which, workers propbaly
CORRECTION: probably
c. style: Whether workers are possible to do a great deal of their work from home with the cooperation of technology in place of going to work offices routine or not,has been under controversial position. I am personally prone to agree with working from home on the ground of plenty advantages for workers.

CORRECTION: (we can improve further by having a better introduction such as) The topic on having bringing work from office to home due to the advancement of technology, such as the use of computers and modems, is highly debatable.

2. Writing style:
You may include both advantages and disadvantages of bringing work to home. You can cite more examples such as no distractions from office mates, more comfortable surrounding. However, there are other distractions such as the availability of television, the bed (which can invite you to go to sleep rather than work). etc.

For any other additional help, you can email me or search a1papers

thanks and goodluck!

Writing Feedback / GRE Issue -should imaginative courses be required ? [2]

Hi Mingwei Hu,
Here are my comments:
1. Please check grammar. On your first paragraph, we can see some grammatical errors: a. there should be a comma (,) after Surely. b. please delete the apostrophe (') after students as this not a possessive noun.

Surely these classes have been beneficial for college students' as they can broaden their horizon and potentiate their creativity

Please recheck some parts of the work for other grammar.

2. Writing Style
In my opinion, the position of disagreeing on the imaginative literature is risky (especially that the ones who will read this are recommending this course). The claims on "it is a waste of time" must be backed up by some facts such as how many hours does an average student get to spend on these courses, % on number of subjects, etc.

Overall, I think the essay is a bold one especially that your position is the unpopular one. However, there can still be a lot of improvement on your essay. Goodluck!