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Posts by mforero333
Joined: Aug 6, 2012
Last Post: Aug 10, 2012
Threads: 3
Posts: 5  

From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 8
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mforero333   
Aug 10, 2012
Writing Feedback / Art essay, forever impacting our world [2]

Essay #1
Write on ONE of the following topics. (500 word limit)
Tell us about an experience you have had or a concept you have learned about that intellectually excites you. Why does it interest you, and what does this tell us about you?

I am an art nerd. I get made fun of for being the art nerd. Does this bother me? Not at all. At my school, we get a choice for an extracurricular between Chemistry IB and Art IB. I chose Art IB along with three other students, and the other twenty students chose Chemistry. Apparently, the students who chose Art IB are the lazy ones, but I know for a fact that's not the case with me. I chose Art IB because I have a passion for art; not because it's easier to draw than to do stoichiometry.

I have nothing against chemistry; I actually love science; but art is just on a whole different level to me. Art intellectually excites me because it is something that cannot be calculated. Art is freedom and there is not a "correct" answer for it. Art is limitless. Art is something that you feel; something that you take in.

Art, to me, is my way to relax and express myself in ways I usually cannot. Sometimes, whether I'm talking or writing, I just cannot express myself exactly the way I want. But when I am painting, it is a completely different experience. Painting is my window to expression that words cannot convey.

Now that I really appreciate art, I look at the world in a completely different way. Art is all around you in ways that sometimes you don't see. I look at trees and not only see a trunk and leaves, but the actual colors of the leaves and the texture of the trunk and how they complement each other. Art is in architecture, ads, movies, nature, clothing; everything.

As an "art nerd", I always get teased about how art isn't a real subject and that anyone that pursues it is not having a "real career". While I am still not sure about pursuing art in a career, I know that they are wrong. Art may not be as "intellectually stimulating" as Chemistry or any other subject for that matter, but it still is an important subject that should never be forgotten. What if Monet stopped making art because everyone told him that what he was doing wasn't really a career? What if there were no art museums? What if art never existed? The world would be a sad bland place with no beauty, no creativity, and no self expression.

Art is something that will forever impact our world. It is something that can make us feel an emotion just by looking at it. Art is my way of freeing my mind and thinking outside of the box. It's so exciting knowing that I have something that I really truly love, and that is art.
mforero333   
Aug 10, 2012
Undergraduate / "the patient's life" - Common app Short Essay [3]

I agree with Ahmad. I don't think the negativity is needed, especially since the people reading these essays are so picky- they may perceive you as a negative nancy (: Just... shorten that bit a little and focus more on the positive and what you learned that leaned you towards healthcare. good luck!
mforero333   
Aug 10, 2012
Writing Feedback / 'busy work and modern entertainment' - lack a sense of community [3]

Exercise: In many cities people seem don't know about their neighbors and therefore lack a sense of community. Causes and solutions?

The truth is the more developed the world's economy is, the more dwindling people's community spirit is .It seems that in modern life, everyone just needsan occupation, an apartment, some friends and forget neighbours, especially in cities. (I would look at the past sentence and maybe make it a little less complicated... It seems that in modern life, all that people need is an occupation, an apartment, and some friends. If living in cities, there is no need for neighbors, right?- that's just a suggestion) My essay will shed light on the problems people are facing in an effort to create a better life and solutions suggested (My essay will shed light on the problems stated and how to solve them to create a better life.)

Firstly, business from the job is one reason why people become more indifferent to neighbours who live right next to their house. According to the data of Oxford university's scientists in 2008, the average of bedtime of a person living in large cities decreased by 7 hours and 15 minutes, including Saturday and Sunday. Very tired with the work, people just know their boss and their colleagues and T hey are very passive in the relationship with neighboursdo not pay much attention to any neighbors. As a result, people in many cities seems like The Robinson in their own house. Explain why..

The second reason why citizens in many cities have low community spirit by dint??? of many entertainment equipment with high-speed connectivity. Nowadays, thanks to fb, yh, yt and so on(spell them out...) , we don't have to go out but we can make friends and speak with many other citizens in other cities in the world. A lot of smartphones such as Iphone, Samsung Galaxy with large application stores are so attractive that users aren't ready to spend time to neighbouring people

In my opinion , the best solution to tackle these problems is that to make the local governments should encourage to establish clubs in each street such as running and shooting clubs, hym singing clubs in churches, travelling clubs. Thanks to them , neighbours can take the chance to meet each other and the their sense of community will be grown significantly. Besides, these clubs will contribute to helping people having peaceful minutes after tense work hours

In conclusion, busy work and modern entertainment equipments modern technology are two main causes that make people lack the community spirit. Local clubs are an effective prescription to cure this disease thoroughly. (I don't know if you want to say this is a "disease"... maybe think of another metaphor?)

All in all, I think you should reaaaally revise this some more. It could be a lot better. May I ask, how old are you and why are you writing this essay? Oh and sorry I'm really bad at all these font things so I hope its not too complicated to understand what I was trying to help you with.
mforero333   
Aug 9, 2012
Undergraduate / 'hearing those silly questions' - Questbridge Essay (Critique) [4]

Essay #2
Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you. (500 word limit)

One day at the end of French class, a girl came up to me with a map. I looked down at it and noticed that it was a map of Mexico. Puzzled, I asked her if she needed anything and she responds to me with this: "Where in Mexico is Colombia located?" I stare at her thinking she was kidding, but she stared right back with wide eyes and so I told her that Colombia is a country...and that it is located in South America. This common information seemed to confuse her. She responded saying that she heard it was in Mexico, so I confirmed to her by showing her the actual map of Colombia. This whole situation to me was completely shocking to me, to know that this girl really, truly believed that Colombia is in Mexico. If she believed that, who knows what other things she had "heard"?

Of course when I was asked this, I was dumbfounded, but then again, this wasn't the first time I have been asked something similar to this. I have been asked: "Do you speak Colombian?" "Is there, like, plumbing or ... internet in Colombia?" "How are you Colombian if you're so pale?" Every time I hear a question like this, I think this person must be joking, but the majority of the time, they're not.

As a proud Colombian, of course I knew the answers to those questions because they dealt with my background; therefore I answered them every time as best as I could. At first, I felt slight annoyance for the fact that these questions were even asked but when I really thought about it, I knew that in certain areas, I was no better.

Although, I knew I would never ever ask a question like those out loud, I did know that sometimes these questions did pop up in my mind. That day after French class was the turning point in my life where I decided that learning about other cultures and places is something I want and need to do.

We live in a world where if you hop on a plane and fly across a body of water, you are sure to land in a place where the lifestyles are completely different from where you came from. This is an indication that we, as humans, should learn about other culture because really, that's the only way we can fully understand our world.

Just by hearing those silly questions, I turned my life from being satisfied with my ignorance to working hard to learn what I can to broaden my knowledge. Now, I try to read more, and watch more news; and if I ever do get one of those questions in my mind, I turn to Google. This is only the beginning. After high school, I am hoping I will be able to learn more about global politics, anthropology, human rights and things of that nature and maybe even travel some, so I can really see the world.

I don't know if this is any good...? :( I like the beginning but I feel the endings a little boring...please be brutally honest! thank you!
mforero333   
Aug 9, 2012
Student Talk / Strategy to improve writing and listening? [12]

To tell you the truth, I think the only way to improve your language dramatically is to sign up for some English classes. If not, I would continue watching tv and movies. Doing that really helps! My brother learned french all by himself just by watching movies. Of course, this took longer than a year so that's why I recommend the classes. best of luck!
mforero333   
Aug 6, 2012
Scholarship / (career goals, music, high school, inspiration, weekend,.) -Questbridge Short Answers [4]

Hi! So okay, I've finally finished these short answers and I really don't know if they're any good or not. For Questbridge, we have to do these 15 short answers (225 character limit... i HATE that we have such a small max character count..UGHHH) and then 3 other longer essays. I'm kind of worried that these might be kind of boring... but I mean, I think they really do tell a lot about me. AND my longer essays are sure to be way waaay better quality. I just don't know if these are too... i don't know. Anyways it would mean a lot to me if you guys are brutally honest and tell me what you think! Also, tell me what you think colleges are looking for in these short answer questions because I really don't know! THANK YOU (:

What are your career goals and how did you develop them?
Right now, I am undecided on what exactly I want to do but I would really love to study something that would allow me to travel the world. I'm also very passionate about art and design so that is another option for me. College is what will in the end guide me to my career. My main career goal is to do something I truly love; not something that makes a lot of money or looks better on a resume.

What are your favorite types of music?
My taste in music could be called eclectic and somewhat indie, but I am open to anything. I love light relaxing music, but I listen to fun upbeat music as well. I am currently obsessed with Kimbra, a New Zealand pop singer.

What is your favorite high school course and why?
French is by far my favorite course. I love everything about it. I love the french language, the french culture, and my french teacher. I can't wait to be able to use my french skills in the future to communicate to others.

What is your favorite source of inspiration?
I would say I'm easily inspired. I take inspiration from everything. My favorite source is from when go to new places. I always come back from a trip motivated to do things I normally wouldn't do. That's why I love traveling.

How do you spend a typical weekday evening?
I go home, rest, do homework, work on art journal, cook dinner, study for tests, etc... Things I do vary depending on the day. I go to watercolor classes every week along with other art classes. I'm also in several clubs.

How do you spend a typical weekend?
My weekends vary. Some things I do are: catch up on sleep, spend time with friends, read, paint, do school work, volunteer if possible, visit my older brothers and nephew, go to church, watch tv/movies, listen to music, etc..

Who are your heroes? What qualities in them do you admire?
Whenever I see a picture of a sick child I always get this pang of guilt. I feel so bad for not appreciating my life when these kids are fighting for theirs, and yet still being happy. That's why they are heroes to me.

What things make you happiest?
Spending time with friends/family, listening to music, painting, laughing, watching movies, helping people, traveling, learning new things, singing (badly), meeting new people, drawing, exercising , cooking, being productive.

What is the compliment that you have been paid that you are most proud of? Who gave you the compliment?
I've been told by friends that they like that I'm different and I love that fact about myself as well. I don't try to assimilate to others to be "popular". Instead, I embrace my culture and personality which I'm proud of.

How do you rejuvenate yourself?
If I am ever feeling stressed out, I turn to my watercolors. For me, painting is so freeing and therapeutic. It lets my mind wander and be creative. Art, in general, just helps me relax and have fun which is why I love it.

What do you consider to be your most significant achievement?
Starting a club to raise money for starving third world children through doughnut fundraisers is what I consider to be my most significant achievement. I loved being a leader and starting something new at my high school.

If you could change one thing about your high school, what would it be and why?
I wish I could make kids at my school want to learn and succeed. I feel that all the students that aren't in IB in my school just fool around and party. It's really sad to me that they are content with that type of lifestyle.

What historical event do you wish you could have participated in and why?
I would have loved to see MLK's "I Have a Dream" Speech because it was such a pivotal moment in the civil rights movement. I wish I could have been there to tell people to stop being prejudiced and start believing in equality

What about college most excites you?
I am really excited to be in an environment where people actually want to learn. I'm also very excited about the how much I will learn and how great the professors will be in comparison to the teachers I've had my whole life.
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