Essays / Choosing what to write about for common app? [5]

I would be interesting if you wrote about what you learned from your exchange student and how they reacted to American culture. But really, this is your essay and you have to write about something you feel strongly about. You might have to write several essays and scrap them, but the end result should be very good.

Graduate / 'a lifetime commitment' - Personal Statement for Physician Assistant program [3]

Overall it's a pretty good essay. Some comments:

-Elaborate what "medical technology" is
-Idiom is "reconcile with," not "reconcile between"
-Elaborate on what exactly you did during shadowing.
-I would generally avoid mentioning religion unless you're applying to an affiliated school. Even then, you use the word "God" way too much near the end.

Undergraduate / 'the mascot of Olin was a phoenix' - Supplement- Is Olin a good fit for you? WHY? [3]

This is a great essay! A few comments:

-You might want to spell out NIST
-Replace hyphens with em-dashes
-"I looked all over the country- and then I found Olin" is a little hyperbolic
-Elaborate on "design-based classes"
-"I also learned about the Honor Code at Olin, which not only emphasizes a set of simple values<<,>> such as integrity and openness to change, but <<that it emphasizes an>>[[also values a]] spirit

-I love the ending!

Undergraduate / Common App extracurricular: Volunteering at a Hospice [4]

Thanks for the edits! I completely agree with Kevin and I tried to revamp my essay. Here is a new draft:

For the past three years I have been a hospice volunteer. When patients are admitted I help them fill out forms, and after they are settled, I check in every week and ask them how they're doing. But sooner or later the inevitable happens-they die. Despite all my work, only thing left I can do is close their case files. This took me some time to accept, and for a while I felt jealous of friends who volunteered at the local hospital, receiving emotional satisfaction for helping someone get better. When I confided my feelings to the volunteer coordinator, she reminded me that this was the nature of hospice, and death being the end goal shouldn't change the importance of my work. And you know what? She was right. There are so many necessary jobs in the world that don't fill people with self-gratification, sewage cleaners and TSA agents being two that come to mind. Doing something that really matters isn't always a masurbatory exercise and I've never regretted my decision to stay.

Undergraduate / UC Prompt #1 Being Iranian-American [5]

I rather like your essay. Just remember that some proper nouns (Farsi, Muslim, etc.) need to be capitalized. You also have another 50 or so words you can fit under the word limit, so I would try to include some more details (you said that life was difficult, can you expand? did students label you as a "terrorist"?). Normally I wouldn't suggest adding words for the sake of it, but I would like to know you even better.

Undergraduate / (I write poetry / Planting) - Two Extra-curricular Activities [8]

Yes, I think it preserves what you had in the original draft.

Undergraduate / (I write poetry / Planting) - Two Extra-curricular Activities [8]

I like the Poetry topic better (both are very good), because you sound strong and passionate. Here are some minor edits:

As for length I think the response has to be below 1000 characters (I'm not sure if spaces count). It's definitely no longer than your poetry response, which is around 1400 characters with spaces. I would try entering it into the common app and seeing if it gets cut off when you preview the entire application.

Writing Feedback / Do we ourselves cause change in our lives by making certain decisions?(SAT prep) [3]

I would give it a 4. You have good points, but the language is often repetitive. Also, Obama did not grow up in "poor black home" (the way you phrased it sounds clumsy and offensive), he grew up in an middle class white family.

Letters / 'strong desire and keen interest to learn' - letter of recommendation (engineering) [3]

The recommendation is a little generic, and I don't really see much of your personality other than that you work hard. Ask the writer to include some specific details when he was impressed by you (especially if he supervised you), because now it's basically a list of facts (you're in the top 5%, you volunteer, you're friendly and sociable, etc.)

Also, this sentence is just terrible:

"He is glorious at interpersonal skills"
I don't think the word "glorious" should ever be used unless you're a deity.

Writing Feedback / Lying is always wrong, no matter whether it is a big lie or a white lie [8]

Here are a few other observations:

-For paragraph 2, you instantly focused on the influence of lies on kids, and I think such a big topic should start out broader and then narrow down.

-You explore both sides but I was a little confused. Yes, you need to address the counterargument, but you also need to prove why it is wrong. Concede a point from the other side, but then downplay it. Don't let them have the last word.

-Try not to end with "In conclusion," because we know it's the conclusion paragraph

Overall, I think you did a good job with the essay. I'm assuming that the prompt asked you to write about always truths vs occasional lies, because otherwise this subject is cliche.

Undergraduate / "Two Busts To My Left" - choice of your own college essay [3]

Looks good! I like your style, but your language can be overly complicated and somewhat hard to understand. I think you have a great starting point, and the essay would be even better if it was less abstract.