silverfi
Aug 19, 2012
Writing Feedback / [IELTS] Why teens engage with crimes [4]
Thank you, dear.
That's another idea!! :D
Cheers...
Thank you, dear.
That's another idea!! :D
Cheers...
silverfi
Aug 18, 2012
Writing Feedback / [IELTS] Why teens engage with crimes [4]
Resent figures show an increase in violent crime among youngsters under the age of 18. Some psychologists claim that the basic reason for this is that children these days are not getting the social and emotional learning they need from parents and teachers.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Guiding teenagers towards a better tomorrow is our responsibility. In order to ensure that teens are moving in the right direction, they need a full support from the society, family, and friends. Unfortunately, we are losing the bonding strength and harmony between parents, teachers, and teenagers in this modern society due to the fast and complex life; and it sometimes results youngsters to engage with crimes.
In modern family, we can often observe family members do not really spend time together even though the size of family is much smaller than previous extended-family. Many teenagers say they do not feel included in their family because their parents are always busy for their lives. The lack of communication and understanding in families has already become a social issue. This circumstance makes teens feel alienated and might lead them to dark side of the world.
In modern education system, the curriculum has been more academic and created enormous tension of competition among fellow students. The gap of financial and intelligent background between youngsters is huge and it causes blockages to dream teens' bright future. Some teenagers fail in academic achievement and then mislead themselves as there are no opportunities in their future; and it may guide them towards crimes.
In conclusion, I agree there is a lack of support system for modern teenagers to be understood and understand, to be consoled and console, and to be advised and advise so that they plan how to build up their concrete future. Therefore, unsatisfied teens may tie with crimes, drugs, and alcohols. Teenagers stand at the most unstable position between children and adults in the lifespan, so they need much social and emotional support from groups and people around them.
[286 words]
"I saw this topic on this site and I wanted to try it in my way. So please throw your idea and advice freely about this essay. Thank you."
"And I've got cut my two other essays yesterday and I had no idea why. I hope the operator let me know the reason from next time if you do so again."
Resent figures show an increase in violent crime among youngsters under the age of 18. Some psychologists claim that the basic reason for this is that children these days are not getting the social and emotional learning they need from parents and teachers.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Guiding teenagers towards a better tomorrow is our responsibility. In order to ensure that teens are moving in the right direction, they need a full support from the society, family, and friends. Unfortunately, we are losing the bonding strength and harmony between parents, teachers, and teenagers in this modern society due to the fast and complex life; and it sometimes results youngsters to engage with crimes.
In modern family, we can often observe family members do not really spend time together even though the size of family is much smaller than previous extended-family. Many teenagers say they do not feel included in their family because their parents are always busy for their lives. The lack of communication and understanding in families has already become a social issue. This circumstance makes teens feel alienated and might lead them to dark side of the world.
In modern education system, the curriculum has been more academic and created enormous tension of competition among fellow students. The gap of financial and intelligent background between youngsters is huge and it causes blockages to dream teens' bright future. Some teenagers fail in academic achievement and then mislead themselves as there are no opportunities in their future; and it may guide them towards crimes.
In conclusion, I agree there is a lack of support system for modern teenagers to be understood and understand, to be consoled and console, and to be advised and advise so that they plan how to build up their concrete future. Therefore, unsatisfied teens may tie with crimes, drugs, and alcohols. Teenagers stand at the most unstable position between children and adults in the lifespan, so they need much social and emotional support from groups and people around them.
[286 words]
"I saw this topic on this site and I wanted to try it in my way. So please throw your idea and advice freely about this essay. Thank you."
"And I've got cut my two other essays yesterday and I had no idea why. I hope the operator let me know the reason from next time if you do so again."
silverfi
Aug 18, 2012
Writing Feedback / [IELTS]The advantages and disadvantages of the real spirit of sportsmanship. [3]
Thank you, Mohammad. :D
I understand that promote athletics and show the appreciation the success with finance,(I really do not understand the structure of this sentence!)
I was saying like this --> I can take the idea that money may promote athletics and it might be the way to show our appreciation to them, but I strongly disagree that the time all athletics spent for practice can be ignored.
Thank you, Mohammad. :D
I understand that promote athletics and show the appreciation the success with finance,(I really do not understand the structure of this sentence!)
I was saying like this --> I can take the idea that money may promote athletics and it might be the way to show our appreciation to them, but I strongly disagree that the time all athletics spent for practice can be ignored.
silverfi
Aug 17, 2012
Writing Feedback / IELTS essay-whether writing letters will disappear completely [6]
Yes, writing letters can still show more intimacy and people can appreciate the effort that the process of selecting cards or letters, hand-writing, and going to the post office.
It is still the beauty of friendly communication I think! :D
Yes, writing letters can still show more intimacy and people can appreciate the effort that the process of selecting cards or letters, hand-writing, and going to the post office.
It is still the beauty of friendly communication I think! :D
silverfi
Aug 17, 2012
Writing Feedback / IELTS -a wide range of courses,i.e. physics, music. which most,least important [6]
I totally agree that health must lie on all other success. :D
I totally agree that health must lie on all other success. :D
silverfi
Aug 17, 2012
Writing Feedback / 'Computers can translate, so there's no need to learn foreign languages?' - IELTS [3]
I wish you have some examples to support your reasons.
None of translator program is able to detect the difference of language structures as we can see. Specially Korean and English use totally different sentence structure, so the translator often make a lot of mistakes. To translate word to word is fine, but sentence or essay to be translated by the program doesn't make sense a all. Also, many languages has subtle meaning based on their own culture. And the program can't detect the dialect now.
And I think it's sad to interact and communicate with people through the machine than directly person-to-person. :D
I wish you have some examples to support your reasons.
None of translator program is able to detect the difference of language structures as we can see. Specially Korean and English use totally different sentence structure, so the translator often make a lot of mistakes. To translate word to word is fine, but sentence or essay to be translated by the program doesn't make sense a all. Also, many languages has subtle meaning based on their own culture. And the program can't detect the dialect now.
And I think it's sad to interact and communicate with people through the machine than directly person-to-person. :D
silverfi
Aug 17, 2012
Writing Feedback / [IELTS]The advantages and disadvantages of the real spirit of sportsmanship. [3]
Some people believe that winning is the only thing. Others believe that playing sports is not about win or lose but how people play the game. What's your opinion?
Recently we had 2012 London Olympics and now we have Paralympics. I am going to talk about this issue with Olympic Games.
The purposes of Olympics are to reduce tension in the world, to bring the nations closer without racism or ultra-nationalism, and to present sportsmanship. People cheer for their countries to win; however, we can always see people who applaud to not only the gold medals but also the silver, bronze, and no medals. We don't only expect to see the winners, but we are eager to observe that the players show us their best trials and fair manners. People know how hard all athletics have been practicing for Olympic Games, so we instantly know the athletics deserve our warm hugs for win and even loss.
On the other hand, some people say no one remembers the name of losers and some nations still promote the circumstance of winner-take-all. To illustrate, South Korea only compensates financially to the medalists according to give them motivation; the compensation gap between medals are huge, and offers the privileges of exemption from military service to male golden medalists. This treatment gives Korean Olympic athletics a lot of pressure and enormous tension in the competition. After Olympics, the media competitively spotlight the winners to the public but I have not seen anyone focused on the no medalists in Korea who used to practice as hard as the winners in a good partnership.
In conclusion, eventually mankind created sports to reduce tension from tribes and nations, and also educate people about fair sporting manner. I understand that promote athletics and show the appreciation the success with finance, but I strongly disagree the result of sports game can outweigh its process. The real spirit of sportsmanship is that the losers congratulate the winner on their achievement and the winners appreciate the best and fair game with the others.
[Total 307 words]
I appreciate all of your advice.
Thanks for helping.
Some people believe that winning is the only thing. Others believe that playing sports is not about win or lose but how people play the game. What's your opinion?
Recently we had 2012 London Olympics and now we have Paralympics. I am going to talk about this issue with Olympic Games.
The purposes of Olympics are to reduce tension in the world, to bring the nations closer without racism or ultra-nationalism, and to present sportsmanship. People cheer for their countries to win; however, we can always see people who applaud to not only the gold medals but also the silver, bronze, and no medals. We don't only expect to see the winners, but we are eager to observe that the players show us their best trials and fair manners. People know how hard all athletics have been practicing for Olympic Games, so we instantly know the athletics deserve our warm hugs for win and even loss.
On the other hand, some people say no one remembers the name of losers and some nations still promote the circumstance of winner-take-all. To illustrate, South Korea only compensates financially to the medalists according to give them motivation; the compensation gap between medals are huge, and offers the privileges of exemption from military service to male golden medalists. This treatment gives Korean Olympic athletics a lot of pressure and enormous tension in the competition. After Olympics, the media competitively spotlight the winners to the public but I have not seen anyone focused on the no medalists in Korea who used to practice as hard as the winners in a good partnership.
In conclusion, eventually mankind created sports to reduce tension from tribes and nations, and also educate people about fair sporting manner. I understand that promote athletics and show the appreciation the success with finance, but I strongly disagree the result of sports game can outweigh its process. The real spirit of sportsmanship is that the losers congratulate the winner on their achievement and the winners appreciate the best and fair game with the others.
[Total 307 words]
I appreciate all of your advice.
Thanks for helping.