Writing Feedback / IELTS:The graph compares the number of visits: Pop Parade vs Music Choice [4]

The graph presents the number of visits to two new music sites on the internet, during the period of 15 days.

One thing that clearly standds out is that on the first eleven days, the number of visits to Music Choice fluctuated between 20,000 and 40,000 except for the third day it it reached a peak of 60,000 visits.On the other hand, Pop Parade was highly above Music Choice with 120,000 hits on Day 1.Surprisingly Pop Parade reached the lowest point with 40,000 visits on Day 7.

Between days 11 and 15, the visits to Music Choice increased, reaching the highest point of 120,000 visits on Day 14.On Day 11, Pop Parade reached a point of almost 160,000 visits, whereas in days 12 and 13 the number of visits declined under 100,000.After that the number of visits to Pop Parade increased up to almost 180,000 on Day 15 while Music Choice showed a decline to around 70,000.

• 
  IMG0137.jpg
  

Writing Feedback / IELTS MODERN SOCIETIES NEED SPECIALIST IN CERTAIN FIELDS [3]

Modern societies need specialist in certain fields, but not in others.Some people think therefore that governments should pay university fees for some stundents who study subjects that are needed by society.Those who choose to study less relevant subjects should not receive government funding.Would the advantages of such an educational policy outweight the disadvantages?

Many students go to universiry nowadays because they want to have a degree, to make a career.Some of them have to go to university because they need a qualification and advanced studies to get a better job.A university offers a wide range of subjects and also different fees for each course.

Modern societies need specialists in any field because without somebody who can explain and give the work form genereation to generation.Without this kind of persons, that field would be dead because there are no workers nor any progress.If governemnts paid university fees only for students who choose to study subjects like: chemistry, engineering, physical science or other, many students would be disaadvantaged.Some of them would choose a course which is paid eventhough they don not have the abilities required.A thing like this would involve more disadvantages than advantages because it would eucourage people to choose only certain courses.

We should understand that this world needs something from every field, to go on, to make a whole.For example, how can a house with a wonderful constuction be complete if there is not an artist,a painter to give that house colour.Governments schould come up with a solution that encourages every stundent to reach performance, to go beyond his limits, to be the best.

To sum up, a modern society can bring opportunities to everyone, to fulfill their dreams, so governments schould think twice before making a decision about universities funding because this is a serious problm,especially for students who have to borrow money form banks.

What do you think about my essay? Please let me know your opinion and what band score do you think I can get with this essay.Thank you!