Posts by ellisdee

ellisdee

Nov 14, 2012

Undergraduate / I can still hear the applause; Leadership in MUN [200] [2]

Describe your most significant leadership experience. Why do you consider this your most significant role? (maximum 200 words)

I can still hear the applause; I can still smell the raw excitement that the moment offered.
Being chosen as the main submitter for THIMUN, lobbying was crucial; ideas were thrown out into the field. However, despite a flurry of activities, hours passed with no substantial results. After careful analysis of the situation, I realized that the team lacked confidence not in the resolution --- but themselves.

Having identified the problem, my priorities shifted. Instead of focusing on the resolution, I encouraged mingling which helped identify individual skills. Carefully allotting duties let individual strengths play their roles. The few moments taken to understand each team member proved significant in the final vote: 72 for, 0 against, 18 abstaining. The resolution had passed.

Playing a leader in the resolution was meaningful, not only because it provided a platform for me to exhibit my leadership capabilities, but it helped me identify my weaknesses.

Focusing on the task means nothing if the team cannot play on their strengths; the work is not everything. Tackling a goal on your own is near impossible; detail and minor aspects are crucial.

Given an inch I'll fight for the mile --- with my team behind me.

Word Count: 199

Messy thoughts againnnn

ellisdee

Nov 14, 2012

Undergraduate / Texas A&M entrance essay - my grandfather is one of the most interesting people [2]

Your grandfather seems like a strong man and I believe you made a good choice in the significant figure.

a few people come to mind: my mother, my father, my uncle, and my grandfather
Word count! I think you could probably do with reducing some of this and adding onto the significance your grandfather has played in your life.

His story starts before he was even born, in early 1928. His mother walked from Monterrey, Mexico to San Antonio, Texas, to escape her abusive husband. She not only made this long trek, but made it while she was pregnant with my grandfather. When my grandfather was about three, she met and married the man that would raise and take care of my grandfather while he was growing up.

This sounds more like you're talking about your great-grandmother rather than your grandfather. Although it may have played an important aspect in his life, it doesn't highlight the impact he has had on you.

And I think that's primarily the problem. This is more of a narrative, biographical essay than one which highlights the significance he played on your life.

ellisdee

Nov 14, 2012

Undergraduate / 'Malaysia and Taekwondo' - Personal Statement - For UCAS (UK universities) [3]

The beginning of this essay in quite captivating however, what are you planning to study?

UK universities often choose candidates with a clear future in mind and although you touched on the science aspect, you need to specify which area (especially as you went onto 'creativity').

The application of your talents though, is good.
When you start to go on about your achievements, I feel it drag a bit on.

Look on the LSE website, they provide clear insights on what they deem to be exemplar Personal Statements.

ellisdee

Nov 14, 2012

Undergraduate / Speeches, oh the dread of which you bring to me! [Significant Challenge - 200 words] [6]

Dumi, thank youu. :)
Even if it's just emphasising a piece of advice - it helps me know what to focus on :)

ellisdee

Nov 11, 2012

Undergraduate / Speeches, oh the dread of which you bring to me! [Significant Challenge - 200 words] [6]

Aw, thanks a lot.

My thought processes are always messy, hahah.

ellisdee

Oct 11, 2012

Undergraduate / Speeches, oh the dread of which you bring to me! [Significant Challenge - 200 words] [6]

Explain how you responded to a significant challenge that you have encountered and what you learned in the process. (maximum 200 words)

Bam!
A sound of cards splattering on the ground.

What did I get myself into?

My teachers have always told me I was a confident speaker and I never doubted them for a second, so why could I feel shivers running up and down my spine?

It was the preliminary round for a speech competition - my audience was but my class, shouldn't it be easy?

What was running through my head when I chose 'prom' as my topic? And to make matters worse, I started off by dropping my speech cards and slamming my head against the podium. I could feel my face burning - on fire even. Where were the unnecessary fire drills?

There was no backing out now.
My eyes drifted across the audience, from my classmates to teachers. Their eyes bore a sense of anticipation.
And then it hit me.
I was a confident speaker. I was a confident speaker because I never let small things bother me, nor have I ever faltered from past mistakes. So why should I start faltering now?

And so I started, "Ladies and gentlemen, we all make our mistakes here and there, but there come times when we just shine..."

199 Words.

Urgh, extremely rough at the moment.