Undergraduate / I have spent my life delineating your face; UChicago Supp [6]

Hello guys! I have chosen to pose a question of my own. And I finished the essay but am not sure if there is any grammatical error. Plus, I would be very grateful to receive your feedbacks if possible. This is a really non-mainstream essay. Thank you for reading it!

Topic: Write an essay to "YOU". And who would "YOU" be?

That morning the sun had not yet risen from the horizon. I was running on those golden stones, almost blundering. Tears blinded my eyes. The wind bit with a sharp edge. And the air smelled desperate. Then suddenly I heard my name and looked back. And there-

I wrote down your name on my notebook. But you were enveloped by the crowd the moment I looked up to call you. Then I realized we would never have a chance to see each other again. I know you could never be saved by me alone. But still I have to meet you. I have to at least remember you.

I have spent my life delineating your face, imagining you as a tiny figure who woked, sang and laughed in that gorgeous Innisfree. But everytime I look down at your name and try to trace you, I hear your voice permeated with pain. And every moment I close my eyes, wishing I could ever see you again, that scent of despair just flooded in.

Then I still continue yet, letting that fantasy go beyond me. I think about if I were you. I were you as the soldier boy who woke up from his sleepless sleep every morning, stimulated feelings by heroin or morphine, and died with nothing but bullets and guns. I were you as the Year Six girl who wished herself a white Christmas, said goodbye to her mummy, and was abducted and never able to go home. I were you as the man in slavery who was offered little food and rest, waded in water poisoned by mercury, and was trapped to live in the shadows without the sun. I were you as one of the hundreds of thousands of names poping out everyday in news under the headline of "The Dead" or "Need Help". I try to understand the life you are in. I try to picture the heartbreaks you go through. I try to be linked with real stories that day by day come over me.

But I am not you. I am not you. I live in air-conditioned houses. I have safety-ensured food and water. I study languages and science. I read Plato and watch Bergman. I plan to go to Chicago and be a part of my dream university. And I used to take all my life as granted as if everyone lived it. But you changed me. I didn't remember how and when I met you, yet I remember your name-Fellow. You reminded me that literally, I never become economist or politician. I am human. Before knowledge exists already cements my original emotions and senses. When you suffer, I should feel compassion, rage and guilty very first. Not to turn a blind eye to you. Not to shut my door to you. Not to let you perish or faint away.

And with the light in your eyes, I still believe in the hope of us saving you. Because you are the answer to all the questions we asked: Why democracy matters? For whom we shall fight? What changes the world? You are the key to the problem we long to solve-how the development of our society will eventually keep pace with that of our economy. And it is because that you believe that one day we will shed light of understanding, cast away hatred and revenge, question our core beliefs and responsibilities that we finally will. And I promise that you won't wait long. We won't let you. So if my fantasy keeps going, it would be you appearing on the horizon over Innisfree, and finally come over to hug me.

Undergraduate / Supplemental Essay: FOR YOU, FOR EVERYONE [5]

Hello guys! Please help me revise this Yale supplemental essay, and I'll be really grateful for that! Thank you so much!
And if there are some paragraphs that can be abbreviated? To me every word seems necessary, so I'll happily welcome any criticism! : )

FOR YOU, FOR EVERYONE

I've been asking myself one question that with my education who will I work or fight for? And I've always holding that answer, "For you, Lily. For everyone."

Three years ago, I volunteered to tutor Lily who's three years younger than me and was said to be "incorrigible". As her mum Ms. Chen had told me, Lily was slow because of relatively low intelligence. But not as she had told me, Lily was indeed so kind, pure and warm-hearted. Before we met every weekend, she had prepared tea and chocolate Muffins she baked for me. And everytime I got stuck on how to explain a question or a concept, she acted as the best listener in this world with full trust on me. She was actually my best student.

That was not true for Ms. Chen, however. During the course, she acted like a spotter and just ignored her daughter's feelings. I hoped that Lily had been blind to that. But no, she did feel. She said that there's no chance for her to pass the high school entrance exam, and that deep inside her she knew what consumed her was cooking-with love. Later I talked to Ms. Chen, telling her that Lily had done her best, and that her values would be better reflected in other things. Nevertheless, she said that all the teachers had sentenced Lily to "death", for "she just can't go on to high school and college". Ms. Chen did believe them. In the end of the tutorship, though we had tried hard, Lily still had no competence in exams. She was, anyway, grateful for what I had served. I left a card for her saying that I love her, and I believe in her future despite what others may say.

But Lily, how am I going to let you know more that you are unique, good and nice enough to receive your own success? How am I going to tell those like you that you are not stumped here because diplomas or golden bowls do not stand for happiness? How am I going to tell everyone that you've got your own values, and you deserve dignity and respect?

How could I be heard by this crowded world?

That's what I am eager to find in Yale, which I'm sure I will. The education I've received so far tends to give respect to every real winner. We run after the strong and chase for money, fame and power. But what has been cementing my courage and faith is never a first prize or a full mark; it's the things I've done to help others-the tutorship, the school carnival, and the Week for Charity. It's the happiness of helping one more person finding who he is and receiving her values. Yes we should care about making a decent life. Yet, the bigger things-human rights, justice and freedom, are never less important. However hard it is, I can stilll see many people fighting for children and women, for people from different classes, for those who are weak. The group of those people is the one that I want to become part of in the future. If there ought to be one sentence running through my whole life, I know it will only be that one: FOR YOU; FOR EVERYONE.

Undergraduate / 'Reading - bright and dark sides' - Common App Short Answer [5]

Hello guys please help me! I'm in a hurry! Thank you so much! Your help will be greatly appreciated!

Topic: Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experience in the space below.

Tour with Confusius. Argue with Beckett. Talk with Fitzegerald. It's not about Time Machine; it's simply about reading. I love reading-in the crowded subway, under the mild sunlight, and against the tall plane tree. Reading is part of me. Through reading I encounter the dawn of Barcelona, taste Parmaham in Italy, and interview the vampire Louis. Through reading I touch the furrows on the farmer's face, see the eyes of women in Nepal, and hold child soldiers' hands in Sierra Leone. Reading brings me to witness both the bright and the dark side. Reading helps me find my way to decode this world. Reading teaches me how to be a considerate daughter, a good friend, a reliable leader and a nice human being. Reading connects me with this world-the places I have reached and haven't. It is because of reading that I understand the same expression of all the human races. Every time I read, I feel that I still ain't sucked into cliches or fear for life.

Undergraduate / 'Breaker / Just Go Back' - Common App Personal Statement [2]

Hello guys this is my Common App Personal Statement. Topic: Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you. Please help me revise this essay of 498 words (the limit is 500). I am not sure whether I should switch to Topic 2 (Discuss some issue of personal concern and its impact on you) with this essay. Thank you guys for helping me. Any help will be greatly appreciated. : )

BREAKER

JUST GO BACK.

Mum told me this "best approach" when there was no way but a stiff wall ahead at my very young age. As the fruit of ancient Chinese wisdom, I do respect it.

Yet I have never followed it. Quite the reverse, if I run into a wall, however strong or stubborn, I just try climbing it, going through it, or simply breaking it. I do not hold back. I never have.

It was in summer last year when I, together with other members of the China 100 Youth Elite Project, was conducting the research on the economic development of new villages in Hunan Province, south-central China. There in summer the temperature could go beyong 95 degrees in Farenheit, with mosquitos and flies dancing all around. Even so we were not frustrated. The work being divided, I was to finish the interviews. After visiting several local residents, the only private butcher factory was my last destination for information of the workers' welfares.

But the last always meant the roughest. Chemicals in pork was quite a sensitive issue then so I was shut out as an interviewer. With a valid reason to leave, anyone would have thought that I'd quit, but my breaker nature caught me trying every means I could-talking with the doorkeeper, searching the manager's contact information, and making a direct phone call. But the result was quite depressing. None taken.

It soon came to lunch time and I was hungry. But a voice was screaming inside me saying "Come on. Push the wall over." I determined to wait until the blank on my notebook got filled. Then finally someone walked out of the gate and happened to be the one I needed-one of the supervisers. With my persevering attitude and pitiful look (all those sweats), he was moved and agreed to offer help. For heaven's sake, I completed the task-two hours later when no lunch was available. Anyway, who cares?

Decades into the future, I still won't change. I know I could be really froward and incorrigible as a breaker. But I have never wished a Superwoman wish. I just mean to break my tipping point. There were many easier, quicker, and maybe more efficient options, I admit. Yet I would have missed the most accurate data, the view inside the Charity Road Show (originated by me), the smiles on people's face and those startling sights. I would have missed all the things I should not have. Where could I go further when the end is already there? Who could I be if no obstacles or could-be-better traditions are broken? The walls don't appear to stop me. They are to remind me that the best thing in every dream is the dreamer, that I was born to make a difference, and that risking being safe means I've heard my own heart beat.

So right now, with this final edition written, I'd like to take the road ahead to break another wall.

Undergraduate / The Little Things - Harvard Prompt [5]

Hey guys, I have just finished my Harvard Supplement essay but not really sure how appealing it is. So please help me! I know it's a little longer but I am really eager to know your feelings and opinions. Thank you from the bottom of my heart! The topic is Unusual Circumstances in Your life.

The Little Things

Hope you know that I love you and may you rest in peace.

I left these words on a girl's social web page in October last year. She was young and cute. She had a shining smile. She appeared to be a sports fan. And she was 17 forever.

She is my first friend who has gone to heaven, though we weren't really close. It was only ten days from when she was diagnosed with an acute kidney disease and finally left us, which was so short a time that none of us had realized how quickly death could make its claim. The moment I logged on her page and saw her last message saying "What is Nephritis? How long will I have to stay in hospital?" with no responses following, I was feeling even worse.

How could I have missed it?

Yes I did have many excuses if they could be called "excuses". We were not at the same school. I was too busy preparing for the School Carnival. The mid-term exam was approaching. But I feel deep inside, even now, that I should have been aware of it. I should have cared for her. I should have at least let her know that I loved her and I was with her instead of leaving a sentence she would never see. This happened, like a flash, to tell me that life is made up of little things, that life is lived only once, and that this our only life should revolve around the so-called "little things".

Most of the time I am focusing too much on the big things-how to get a higher score, how to hold a splendid event, how to act responsibly as a leader, or how to be admitted into Harvard. Even in love, I would make delicate metaphors and talk about the sacrifice of lovers, the forgiveness of our enemies and our concern for refugees. But this isn't the true face of love in life. This isn' t life at all. Life should be about the little things, the unnoticeable things, the things beyond the targets we aim for like fame and fortune.

And thanks to my dear friend, I've learned that when someone beside me suddenly fall into tears because of a failed test, I should tell him that Rome was not built in one day. I've learned that when someone beside me is complaining endlessly, I should sit down and listen attentively to her. I've learned that when someone beside me is having a fever, suffering loneliness, or facing a dilemma, I should just stay with him and lay my hand on his back telling him "things will be all right". I've learned that little things, not the big ones, heal all wounds and show true love.

I am no Mother Teresa. Through my whole life I may never reach a real battlefront. I may never go to Ethiopia. I may never see someone withering away before my eyes. But chances are that I can take something good out of the little things to help myself, someone else and the world around me. The biggest never stands for the best. Missing the least little thing may result in a loss forever. Honestly speaking, little things do not bring perfection. But all I want is not being flawless but growing up as little regrets as possible. While writing this essay, I am not sure what adjective you will label me as. But just like I've chosen this topic, I had no pity speaking about the little things.

It is October, nearly one year since she has gone. I know as I grow older, I will have to lose someone again. And finally, I will be the one to leave. But I know much clearer that one more day, one more minute, one more second I attend to the little things, I will no longer miss out my chance to make a difference.

Hope people know how much they mean to me before time is through.