Unanswered [26] | Urgent [0]

Posts by cooldudebill
Joined: Oct 16, 2012
Last Post: Oct 18, 2012
Threads: 1
Posts: 4  

From: China

Displayed posts: 5
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Oct 18, 2012
Undergraduate / UVA Supplement- Secretly Like Ghost Adventures. [5]

Hi mcgreeky! I really enjoyed this introduction, your description is so vivid! I suggest that you choose some of the scenes in the tv show and describe why they attracted you so much, and differentiate them from any tv show we would randomly watch. And if you used to be a bit scared of these shows( I suppose not), then you can write how the show changed your perspectives on ghosts. But still its up to you. Just follow your heart, and you'll have no prob.
Oct 17, 2012
Undergraduate / 'Bible study and fun activities' - Elaborate on an extracirricular activity. [4]

Hi, its great to know we shared the same experience. I think you convey your idea clealry, minor adjustments: "volunteered as a chaperone and I had the responsibility of supervising a group of children for approximately six hours a day, five days a week."
Oct 17, 2012
Undergraduate / ' reaching every direction' - Michigan Personal statement- Econ/Business [4]

Hi SpicyCurryMan. Personally I think its a great essay, you make your points clearly, and you have a good line of thought. Though I think the essay is more asking you about the academic pursuits as by asking "How would that curriculum support your interests? " so paragraph 3 and 4 might seem superfluous, so i recommend you elaborate on some specific academic achivements and how they convinced you to make this decision:)
Oct 16, 2012
Undergraduate / 'Our baby' -University of California accomplishment essay [3]

Hi guys, plz go over my essays and check for any gramatical errors, inappropriate word usage and other problems!Thanks so much!! I'd be more than happy to review your's as well:)

Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

I've heard the squeals of a newborn and the salvos of a nation's founding ceremony; I've seen the excitement of the Millennium Countdown and the resplendence of the nascent sun. But never have I revered birth so much until December 17th, 2011ïźthe commencement of Reach Model United Nations Conference. As I stood before the rostrum addressing the eager audience before me, a flow of memories came gushing forth.

It was a picturesque time of year, flowers put on their last show of splendor; the sun idled back into the fluffy clouds; students sat on the porch drifting into the summer reverie. But I wasn't in for the serenity; I had a meeting to convene, something I've been hatching all summer. "Hey guys. Today is a day to forever remember in our school's MUN history, guess what." I deliberately waited a few seconds, while the bubbling urge threatened to explode. "14 directors as a working committee, 350 delegates from around the Yangtze River Delta Region, 5 topics spanning issues from the Safety of High-speed Railways in China to the European Debt Crises, 1 chance for glory", I sounded like an amateur show presenter, but I knew the effervescence made an impact. I could see it in those glistening eyes. I handpicked a fine crewïźthe most scholarly for academics, the most sociable for public affairs, the most diligent for conference matters, the most meticulous for financial affairs... As their duties were distributed, one obstacle stood in our way.

I have never been to the principal's office, it was a place shrouded with mystery, somewhere for welcoming prominent guests and government officials, but never for a troupe of students on a "sales" presentation. I spearheaded the presentation with a thorough analysis of the merits of hosting the conference. "I will introduce to you the three spheres of influence it will have...we will make Reach MUN a hallmark of our school." As my crew took turns introducing their work and envisions, the principal nodded along, his countenance changing from mild to enthusiastic, we scored a home run. While the approval was made in jubilance, I knew the gestation has started and there was no going back, the school's reputation was in our hands.

Three months to go before our baby was born, and it was my job to ensure everyone was on track. We formed a strict line of management and an accountability system. Advertising campaigns were held both within and out of campus. Dais members, academic counselors, and volunteers were recruited. In just a month, we had invitations, important notices and academic background guides sent to all delegates. But accompanied with the smooth flow of work, were the late nights, meticulous revisions of documents, constant status updates with school officials, and endless hours of answering delegate questions. So to hold this team together, I would often carry bags of refreshments from the school canteen, surreptitiously order KFC-as eating take out at school is not allowed, and host movie nights in my dorms. I've formed my own axiom through the process: to increase productivity, satisfy the tummy!

Days before the conference, conspicuous dark circles were around everyone's eyes, but deep down we were saturated with content. As country plates were neatly placed on every desk, conference handbooks, notepads, pens, souvenirs carefully sorted into paper bags, hotels and the school cafeteria prepared for guests, we were ready.

"I announce the beginning of Reach MUN, reach for the impossible!" I literally shouted the last four words as tears wetted my eyes. And I gazed at my team; they were all carrying that relieved smile of new parents.
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