Writing Feedback / Young adults should learn to become financially responsibleSECU [4]

Thank you in advanced for reviewing my essay. I need more grammatical help then anything, but any help is greatly appreciated.

PROMPT: Recent innovations and new technology, like "EMV chip" credit cards, Google Wallet, PayPal, Amazon 1-Click smart phone card readers, and Near Field Communications, make it easier than ever before to purchase items. How can young adults learn to be financially responsible in this evolving environment? Please detail how you deal with these new electronic channels and how you feel new technologies will change your purchasing habits.

750-1000 words... I'm in the upper 400's

Wow, it is easier then every to fall through a financial sink hole today than ever before. High speed transactions and extremely easy/efficient mediums of transaction are acceptable and available everywhere nowadays. Yea it's great, but there are definitely some harmful fallout/after effects of this high speed age of virtual interaction. I own a credit card- well really it's a debit card -I have a PayPal account and an amazon prime account and really all this new technology reaps plenty of benefits for me, but I know that with a little less self-control and temperance these nice innovations can become some very damaging and fiscally crippling monetary tools.

First things first, for young adults to learn to become financially responsible nowadays they must not be rushed into the growing market of consumption and spending. They need to be on the road to personal independence before financial independence should/can be awarded to them, but moving on young adult (around my age) should really learn to control their spending habits. Often times my parents and grandparents tell me stories from their childhood. Growing up in a different country my parents along with most other people could barely afford a loaf of bread. You bought what you needed and you saved the rest. Now that does sound a bit extreme, but there's a transparent point being made here, that you should not buy what you could go without. Don't become a shop-aholic and buy something you'll use once and throw away later. It's spending temperance and with easy access to so much "stuff" online people really seem to lack it. When I want to buy something new, like the pair of shoes I just bought, I think to myself - how many times am I going to wear these, basically is it a good investment. self-control, it can be learned through a little practice, and In general it is a necessary skill for all young adults to learn if they want to grow to become financially responsible adults.

My parents didn't only use whatever money they could to buy what they needed, they saved the rest. The most important lesson necessary to becoming a financially responsible adult is that, money does not always has to be spent. Saving money in a savings account or long term CD can reap the most benefits. By depositing your money in something other than a checking account you remove the easy accessibility that credit cards and PayPal accounts provide for you and sometimes just the difficulty of withdrawing funds can remove the temptation to spend them....(I'm still thinking about the ending)

Undergraduate / Common App- UM Ann Arbor- Supplement Essay- Why Michigan (regular decision) [NEW]

Describe the unique qualities that attract you to the specific undergraduate College or School (including preferred admission and dual degree programs) to which you are applying at the University of Michigan. How would that curriculum support your interests?

My college: college of literature science and the arts

500 word limit
I would really appreciate more of a grammatical proof read then content based critique

With one of the top basketball & football teams in the nation who wouldn't want to go to Ann Arbor for undergraduate school. The wolverine's basketball team is red-hot right now with just one loss to Ohio State blemishing an almost perfect season. I'm guessing you admissions officers hate hearing about how good of a recruiting tool those two college sports behemoths can be, but they are what put (you and) the university in my sights just over 3 years ago- so it's not all bad.

Back then (2009) I was heavily confident that I wanted to go into Math, major in something like applied mathematics or statistical analytics- In my opinion a really unimaginative goal for a high school freshman to have. Researching colleges I found that most of Michigan's mathematics fields were/are in the top ten nationally. I always felt like I was good with numbers and I still am for the most part, but along with my taste, appearance, and voice that dream had changed. Puberty I guess.

As a kid I remember my parents taking me downtown to the Walters art museum. Back then the weekends I spent consumed by the countless canvases around me were some of my favorites. My sophomore year I noticed this dyeing flame, a passion for art, and after expecting to study math, I decided on a whim that the most abstract field, Art History, a field I enjoyed was my new destination. Luckily Michigan again ranked 11th nationally for their art history program.

Now this year I started an internship with a Neurosurgeon. Daily I watch surgeries on the brain and spine, and daily I speak to patients with mental disorders galore. At the same time I started a class on Psychology. This classic combo of educating at school and then applying at my internship got me thinking- Could I have been wrong all along? Could Neuroscience be just the field to go into? Here too Michigan ranked in the top 10. (With the #1 ranking for behavioral neuroscience)

The choice is up to me, but it's a choice I don't want to make yet. Like any good decision I need to sample each educational-flavor. That is why The University of Michigan is so perfect. With the endless academic fields ranked top 10 nationally, and an emphasis on a great state liberal arts education, UM allows me to make the right choice and still achieve my full potential in anyone of these fields. Despite having such a broad range of fields to study from and +900 clubs/groups to join UM is recognized as an excellent University with top notch professors and alumni. At UM I have the chance to travel to Paris with the Helicon undergrad art history group, solve multi-variable equations with professor Dolgachev, research a pathological neurological disorders at the behavioral neuroscience institute , even chant "go Blue!" at the UM v OSU rivalry game. But most importantly I can be confidant that I made the right choice.

Undergraduate / We moved to back to Baltimore ; UVa SUP; World you come from? [7]

Describe the world you come from and how that world shaped who you are.

250 word limit... I'm at 249... Just want to make sure the bold parts don't sound awkward.

In 2001 we moved to back to Baltimore after a 2 year trail in Israeli living. When we got off the plane I was hit hard with reality like the first blast of winter. I had lost everything. It was the fresh start I didn't need. I felt like a criminal, but I wasn't running away from anything, I was trying to run back. Close friends, Languages, bartering skills, they all meant nothing now in this new world they called "Maryland".

I remember planning on holding an eternal grudge against my parents for this hurtful move but I guess time heals all wound. The thing is I was born in Baltimore but spending my time unconsciously drooling didn't help me build a strong bond with "Charm City". I was used to stores closing on Fridays for Shabot and apartment complexes separated by less than a block with everything in walking distance. Now In Pikesville, my closest neighbor is a 4-5 min walk away, cornfields surround my house, and the highway (I-695) is my backyard.

At first adjusting to life in Baltimore was challenging. It took me around 10 years to see the good side of things. My parents wanted- the space, the quiet life, the lack of +100 degree heat waves. I appreciate days that I can spend snowed in with my family, wearing pajamas and eating cereal, but I still miss that crammed 2nd floor apartment room I called home. But it's never too late to study abroad.

Questions-

How does the concluding sentence do (is it weak/flashy/useless)?

Can I use the "-" there after "My parents wanted?

How does the introductory sentence do in the last paragraph (is it weak/flashy/useless)?

Undergraduate / Common Application-EC Short Answer; American regions math league competition [2]

Prompt: Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (1000 character maximum).
I feel iffy about the areas in parentheses and the grammar in genral. Anyways I want to thank anyone/everyone ahead of time for your help. I appreciate you taking your time to help.

"You have 15 seconds left". An announcer warns everybody at the Penn State's National ARML(American regions math league) competition.

I took a quick look at my pencil and back at the question. My paper is blank. Then in a flash I'm struck with what was hidden in plain sight. I know the answer? I know the answer!! Quick, write it down.

I don't know how to feel about math. Sometime I'll freeze. My muscles tense, I'll read a problems and somewhere lose it in translation. But every now and then, for me typically in the last 15 second, that worn out incandescent bulb (my brain) sparks up, that "ah ha" moment that can be so satisfying (stimulating/ send chills).

Math after, during, and away from school has done the damage of making me a pi loving, TI carrying, formula cracking competitor. The mind numbing difficulty (fun) I get out of ARML team problems and Calculus homework has shown me that Math can be more than, self-inflicted harm/pain. I can be fun.