Undergraduate / "Love for biology and environment"; NYU Supplement, What is your academic interest? [6]

I agree the second paragraph seems to be lacking. You mention so many different things try to focus on a few points and explain them better. I also find it odd that you don't mention NYU or what you plan to pursue at NYU until the very end. (thats just my opinion though)

Undergraduate / NYU SUPPLEMENT - What Intrigues You - Art of War Sun Tzu [3]


shouldn't this be underlined or italicized if it is a title.

Give a bit more of a synopsis of the book because I have no idea what it's about so somethings don't quite make sense to me.

Undergraduate / I instantly fell in love with Columbia University: College Community" 1500 words [8]

This is really good. Just make sure you go over it a couple of times to make sure there are no more grammar mistakes. I have spotted a few, the ones that the person above ^ did. Just make sure that part is perfect.

Undergraduate / Needed to do more with my life - Exploring interests at NYU [4]

You spend a lot of time explaining your goals but only one paragraph on the actual program you want to enter. You should say want you want to study in the first part of the essay. The reader doesn't know this until the last paragraph.

Undergraduate / "Why I Do Theater" - Yale Supplement [6]

This is very difficult to answer without further information. He could mean a number of things by lack of depth. It would helpful if you posted one of the essays or post the description of what the essay entails.

Anyways lack of depth could mean you need to do more research into the topic, add more analysis, or make stronger connections to relevant topics.

Undergraduate / Common App essay - "Theater is my passion" - extracurricular activities [3]

This is much longer than 1,000 characters. If it is longer than 1,000 it will not fit into the common app.

Undergraduate / The walk. Common app essay - I had a nightmare [9]

No you cannot exceed the 500 words. This is a great essay though. The common app essay should be as to the point as possible, while giving them a good understanding of who you are. If something isn't completely essential to the understanding of the essay than it can be cut. Frivolous descriptions should be avoided.

Undergraduate / TOPIC : Discuss some issue of personal, local, national, or international concern [2]

You need to go into more detail about how this effected you. Why it is of such importance to you and the global community. You mention that this experience changed you, give examples of your feelings towards the subject before and after the death of your guitar teacher.

Also you can connect this to a specific relevant issue. For example, something like this: At this point in time it is estimated that 42% of people will face cancer in their life time.

I like the topic but you need to make a stronger connection to why it's important and how it effects you.