Unanswered [11] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by 13williamsm
Joined: Dec 19, 2012
Last Post: May 25, 2016
Threads: 4
Posts: 8  

From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 12
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13williamsm   
May 25, 2016
Scholarship / 'Dear Provost Committee on Scholarship Review' - Letter of appeal for college aid :) [3]

What should I add?

Dear Provost Committee on Scholarship Review,
I am writing this letter of appeal in hopes that you will consider providing me with additional funds needed to cover the expense of a course taken during my co-op. I fully acknowledge that this is unconventional, and regardless of your response to this letter, I thank the committee for granting me the scholarship in the first place, as well as taking the time to read this letter.I hope that the following information will help you to understand my situation. First, I like to detail what the foundation year scholarship aid means to me. The scholarship has provided me with the opportunity to pursue higher education and my future goals as a global businessman as well as broadening my intellectual horizon. The scholarship, for me, was not the end, but just the beginning of me realizing my potential in pursuing my dreams. I've been able experience and partake in numerous things that would have otherwise been impossible. For example, studying international business and being a part of the immersion program and meeting countless individuals who have impacted my life dearly as well as having an impact on the community and campus.

In addition to that, in endeavors to achieve excellence in an effort to make an intellectual and valuable contribution across the globe. That why I have chosen the BSIB program and dual degree option. As a part of my degree requirements I am required to partake in a expatriate year and there are requirements pertaining to the classes that have to be taken before my application can be accepted. Unfortunately, after many requests my English classes from foundation year were not accepted. I have to complete an online advance English class before my departure and the most susceptible time is during the first portion of my co-op July 5- Aug 23. Completing this requirement during this time will allow me to submit my application for my expatriate year during the fall semester of 2017 and place me on track to continue my degree and graduate on time. Consequently, if I don't complete this class there is a chance my application will not be accepted and I will have to drop out of my program. At this point having to drop out of my program with just a short amount of time remaining would be detrimental to my academic success and future endures. In addition, to hindering me from using the scholarship aid in the most meaningful way. While I greatly appreciate the chance to attend Northeastern, I'm afraid I will be unable complete my degree and continue pursing my passion. I'm asking that given the circumstances, that the committee grant me this opportunity. I am serious about my future and I recognize that my degree is essential to attaining a future career as a global manager. Again, thank you for taking the time to read this letter, and I assure you, if granted financial aid, my education will continue to be my main priority.
13williamsm   
May 25, 2016
Writing Feedback / People should be allowed to work as long as they want? Agree or disagree [6]

I agree with this point
Punctuation
Aiding to this many researches conducted globally ...
Aiding to this, many researches that conducted globally have proven that age cannot limit the thirst to work and can be quenched by working only

Sentence structure
Having said that advantages and goods of the old age [...] age with something else much more worth considering.
For me, if it is a paragraph, it need to be broken down into several sentences. While, if it is a sentence, it's way too long without clear idea.

vocabulary
People should be allowed to work without any full stop to the age.

Besides, most of your sentences consist of complex ideas that unfortunately does not arranged smoothly yet so that it makes us hard to understand the meaning.

On one hand by allowing over age people to work ...
13williamsm   
May 25, 2016
Undergraduate / What are your career goals and how do you expect your education at The Art Institute of Pittsburgh.. [5]

I strongly believe that pursing my education at [...] create a portfolio to show that I got what it takes.

Here you need to elaborate it's very vague you could do any of these things at another art institute. So, why Pittsburg?I would skim website/check alumni, and include specifics that pertain to the university. Honestly, that what colleges look for and it shows you've done your research.
13williamsm   
Feb 28, 2014
Undergraduate / GOOD FIT ; Transfer Essay- BOSTON UNI [2]

Hi I need help with the transfer application question. why do you think be is a good fit... Boston University provides people with the chance to explore by living in a large city and adapting to life. Boston University is a good fit for me because of all the opportunities it has to offer. Attending a world class university in a diverse environment with topnotch faculty will allow me to develop myself physically and intellectually. I will have a chance to experience my home town from a different perspective. Coming from a small royal area in Boston I didn't get to experience much diversity and culture awareness. Boston University will push me out of my comfort zone challenge in even more ways than I thought possible. My main reason for applying to Boston University is its global programs. Being a world class university there are endless amount of connections and internships all over the world. I want to learn more than just being taught in the classroom. Bu is one of many schools who proved numerous study abroad programs. This is particularly interested me because I plan to major in international business and pursue premed classes on the side. In hopes of one day participate in doctors without boards a travel and volunteer. And eventually working for a world health organization. I've made many personal achievements at northeastern university and me now and to push myself even more.
13williamsm   
Feb 21, 2014
Undergraduate / Stanford University Summer Session (International). [6]

lfdz:
and I will take any opportunity that helps me accomplish that many opportunities. that is positive sentence, 'any' for negative and question sentence. and be careful in plural/singular
13williamsm   
Feb 19, 2014
Undergraduate / I thought I wasn't good enough - I had problems with reading; WHY TRANSFER? /BC, UCLA,NEU [3]

I'm applying to school such as BC,UCLA, NEU and my gap is 3.5 so I really need my essay to stand out. What do you guys think? Question-why do you want to transfer?

Only when we were at 33,000ft into the air, did reality begin to set in. I was leaving my tedious life for Brazil to begin a journey that would change my whole perspective on life. I had been selected to study abroad during the summer of sophomore year in high school. During my stay in Brazil, while taking classes I volunteered at a school for deaf children and taught English at a school for 5th graders. My experience abroad was unexpected and out of my comfort zone and made me realize that I could accomplish anything. I discovered my desire to help people and penchant for culture.

My high school performance didn't enable me to peruse my goals because during high school it took me a long time long time to realize my full potential. I struggled with a reading disability. I thought I wasn't good enough. My lack of confidence contributed to my lack of motivation. I received bad grades as a result. Then things changed after my trip. My accomplishments in Brazil showed me that it wasn't that I wasn't good enough; it was just that I had to take a different approach to learning. Studying abroad was different from what I had experienced in school. It allowed me to try other ways of teaching and learning and this helped me discover that there are several ways of doing something.

Different approaches lead me to experiencing a unique college experience. I decided to take a unique approach to perusing my college education and enroll in Foundation Year, a one- year college program at Northeastern University. My decision to attend foundation year was based on the fact that I wanted to continue my education while receiving support to be successful as I transitioned from high school to college. Foundation year provided me with a second chance to continue to develop as a student and person as I have acquired an increase in self-confidence and self discipline.

After a year of studying, I feel more established as a student and capable of directing my future. This year has allowed me to learn how I operate as a student and the techniques needed in order to be successful in college. I've had an opportunity to study different areas and figure out what worked for me. By taking a variety of general education courses, I was offered a wide lens of possible majors that interested me. Through this exposure, I realized that I want to combine my love for helping people and love for culture and turn it into a career.

I believe attending your institution will be the next stop in my journey to achieving my dreams. I want to gain an understanding of foreign cultures and societies, and the dynamic of world politics and how other nations perceive the world. My journey to Brazil made me view the world in a much wider perspective, and I plan to eventually use my cultural awareness and ability to speak several languages to help the world. I'm now looking forward to pushing myself to experience places that aren't quite so familiar. Attending your University will lead me to the necessary requirements I need to succeed in life.
13williamsm   
Feb 15, 2014
Speeches / Heavy dependence on the Internet [5]

Great topic! And intro I was hooked. Maybe try to circle effect especially for something like this
13williamsm   
Feb 15, 2014
Undergraduate / Social anxiety and inspiration- Circumstance, obstacle or conflict in life [5]

You didn't talk about the resources and skills you used up overcome your anxiety you just went straight into the results. But how did you get there? Doctors? Changing your outlook on life? What specific event made you realize you needed to stop being a victim?
13williamsm   
Dec 25, 2012
Undergraduate / 'The law of attraction' NYU short essay 2012-2013- What intrigues you? [9]

What intrigues you? Tell about one work of art, scientific achievement, piece of literature, method of communication, or place in the wood ( a film, book, performance, website, event, location, ect) and explain its significance to you.

I closed my eyes,took a deep breath, and imagined. Some people acknowledge that there might be a natural law; the law of attraction in which the universe is directed. A person can attract into his life the experiences, situations, events, and people that " match the frequency " of the person's thoughts and feelings. Therefore positive thinking can bring increased health,happiness,and wealth. I believe that if we as humans live by this law we can transform our lives. I wanted a guitar so I decided that I would test this theory I made a collage of pictures of the kind of guitar I wanted. Everyday I'd take time to think about the guitar. I would imagine the feeling of the pick sliding of off the strings. The feeling in my fingers as they moves down the finger board. The sound of vibration as it traveled from the guitar to my body. I would take time out my day to reflect on what I wanted and I give grace to things I already had. I continued to do this for a period of time and soon after I received the guitar as a Christmas gift. Although it wasn't the exact guitar I had imagined it was very similar. How did my patents know that I wanted the guitar I hadn't shared my new interest in music to anyone yet somehow they were able to get the gift.
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