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Posts by ylimewc
Joined: Dec 22, 2012
Last Post: Dec 28, 2012
Threads: 3
Posts: 8  
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 11
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ylimewc   
Dec 28, 2012
Undergraduate / Close relationships/Professors/Excellent facilities; Lehigh Supp: "Unique aspect" [3]

school's campus, however, with the

Maybe change to "...campus; however,..." or "...campus. However..." to make the sentence more concise

I will be as great as the architects

I'd suggest changing to "...I hope to become as great..."

Although some consider the city of Bethlehem to be in the shadows of Philadelphia and New York, Lehigh University remains a beacon of higher education.

Great metaphor! A perfect ending to the essay.

Overall, great essay! Best of luck
ylimewc   
Dec 27, 2012
Undergraduate / Ecology and Evolutionary Biology; Cornell CALS App / Your interests [4]

How have your interests and related experiences influuenced the major you have selected in the College of Agriculture and Life Science?
Its 505 words and the suggested limit is 500...probably not a big deal but it still bothers me. Any suggestions on where I could cut off 5 words?

One morning, years ago, an ecstatic six year-old version of myself was hurriedly preparing for the school day ahead. I threw on an Indiana Jones-inspired hat and grabbed a trowel and toothbrush. I was ready to go. It was kindergarten career day, and I couldn't wait to tell my class that I was going to be a paleontologist someday. Today, I am just as excited about my professional future, although my ambitions and interests have changed slightly. I maintained a love of dinosaurs throughout my childhood. While my friends watched cartoons, I found more entertainment in documentaries; while they played with Barbies and Transformers, I amused myself with plastic Pachycephalosauruses and Troodons. It wasn't until I took action in pursuit of paleontology that I discovered what I really wanted to do.

During the summer before my junior year of high school, I spent a week in Utah at a paleontology camp. Despite the amazing experiences I had camping in the desert, I realized that I did not want to study fossils for the rest of my life. What I had been truly interested in was the behavioral patterns of and interactions between the prehistoric beasts. At camp, I realized that, as a paleontologist, I would be working with fossils rather than living organisms. This realization led me to consider studying something that I had never thought could rival the ancient lizards that had so deeply fascinated me: current-day creatures.

How could a tiny lizard on my porch measure up to the colossal dinosaurs that ruled the earth so long ago? I previously thought this impossible; however, through high school biology and environmental science classes, I learned about a phenomenon that both linked today's animals with those of the past and made them superior: evolution. The study of evolution would allow me to apply knowledge about ancient creatures to research of those living today. The chance to explore the behaviors and niches of these animals within their environments is something I could not pass up. After all, it is about as close as I could get to studying Utahraptors in the Creataceous period.

Now that I was prepared to pursue a modified set of interests, the only question was where to do so. During the long, daunting process of college searching, I discovered the Ecology and Evolutionary Biology program at Cornell's College of Agricultural and Life Sciences. I knew at once that it was an academic fit. I would not have to make the difficult decision between evolution and ecology, and the field research opportunities seemed abundant; admittedly, the idea of having class in the forest enthralls me. It is my hope that this major will involve me in research that is both interesting and extremely relevant in modern biology.

Although paleontology is no longer the goal, the child in me still gets the urge to put on that Indiana Jones hat and "play" outside. That same child remains proud of her ambitions; however, nowadays, she says, "I am going to be a biologist someday."
ylimewc   
Dec 26, 2012
Undergraduate / "What they don't know won't hurt them"; Stanford Supp/ Intellectual Vitality [20]

Wow, sounds awesome! It shows you already know a lot about economics

Overtime,

...maybe this should be "Over time...", 2 words instead of one? I'm not sure though

funding scientific researches and financing a glorious era of space exploration and planetary colonization

...maybe change to "...funding scientific research and financing a glorious era of technological advancement..."

Great essay though, the specific details really make it! Good luck with, Cornell I'm applying there too:)
ylimewc   
Dec 26, 2012
Undergraduate / Job as a pizza delivery driver - Common App Short Answer [5]

Love it! Well-written and attention-grabbing.
The only suggestion I have would be a little more sentence variety. Quite a few started out with "I".

primo purveyor of pizza

<-----amazing alliteration!
ylimewc   
Dec 26, 2012
Undergraduate / History, and mathematics have captured me and never let goCornell sup [10]

enamored

...excellent vocab throughout the essay!

world of history has always excited me due to its deep world

a little repetitive, maybe "...its deep involvement with human..."
Sounds like a fantastic essay overall! I'd suggest adding something at the end though. Maybe one more sentence to end it with a bang!
ylimewc   
Dec 26, 2012
Undergraduate / Everyone loves the earth; Cornell CALS App- Environmental Science [3]

Thanks for your help!:)
I've actually had a change of heart (and major). I've decided to go into Ecology and Evolutionary Biology instead of Environmental Science, so I scrapped that essay and wrote a completely new one!
ylimewc   
Dec 23, 2012
Undergraduate / Taco that represents my family traditions; UNC Chapel Hill Supp- Comfort Food [6]

What is your comfort food and why?

I can say with a great deal of confidence that my comfort food is a taco containing colorful, miniature marshmallows. Is it the "mouth-watering" flavor that is the source of my preference for these unconventional tacos? Certainly not. Rather, it is the fact that I have enjoyed them annually with people I love. Memories have the ability to make something seem truly special, no matter how mediocre the actual taste may be.

It all started on Mardi Gras, or "Fat Tuesday" as we Catholics call it. Although still a young child, I was already familiar with our tradition of make-your-own tacos. Small bowls of toppings would litter the kitchen table, and each person could take as much or as little as they wanted. I had always enjoyed the autonomy of being able to assemble my own dinner. However, the typical shredded lettuce and salsa were entirely too boring for my five year-old brain. I wanted something more, something exciting.

I somehow managed to sneak away from the dinner preparations and make my way to the pantry. Here, I searched the shelves; mostly the lower ones, due to my height at the time. I needed something that would make my taco worthwhile. It was then that I discovered the perfect addition to my Fat Tuesday meal: marshmallows. Not just ordinary marshmallows either, but the tiny, rainbow-colored kind. Perfect for tacos.

When I proudly brought my excellent taco idea into the kitchen, my mother fortunately did not object. That Mardi Gras, everyone had a marshmallow-filled taco. Truth be told, they weren't actually that good; it was more the originality than the flavor that had us coming back for seconds. Not only were my eccentric tacos a hit that year, they soon became a family tradition. To this day, my family's Fat Tuesday consists of tortillas, tomatoes, and marshmallows. The custom has remained unchanged, except for the switch to vegan marshmallows, since I am now a vegetarian with objections to gelatin.

How is it possible that something so seemingly insignificant, such as a mediocre meal, has become an integral part of my year? When I take a bite of my Mardi Gras dinner, I taste much more than the odd combination of Mexican and campfire flavor. I also delight in the appealing taste of memory. To me, the tacos signify sitting around the kitchen table with my mother and my sister, remembering good times and simultaneously making more of them. There isn't a gourmet meal in the world that could compete with that. No matter where my life takes me, I will always take comfort in the tradition and reminiscence that the marshmallow tacos represent.
ylimewc   
Dec 23, 2012
Undergraduate / "Lao village" ; Williams App / "looking out through the window" [8]

Love your beginning 2 lines, great start

In a world where refrigerator is a symbol of wealth, all those kids wanted from me were pens, which I had brought plenty.

"...where the refrigerator..." "...pens. I had brought plenty." Just for clarity

I was leaning at the window. The kids were experimenting with self-introduction using the words we taught them during the day; I was struggling to count from one to ten in Lao

"As I leaned against the window, the kids experimented with..." "I struggled to count..."

two-square-meter

"two square-meter" i think

Also, some of the ":"s used should be "."s instead. For example, "...Santa Claus. The kids..." or "Santa Claus; the kids..."

Santa Claus: the kids

Sounds awesome for the most part!
ylimewc   
Dec 23, 2012
Undergraduate / Successful Advertiser; MIT ; Which department/ program at MIT appeal to you and Why? [11]

what changes are happening to people's lives and perspectives, what are the trends of government policies and why they are happening

maybe "the changes occurring within the lives and perspectives of citizens, the trends of governmental policies". just to make it a bit clearer

Economics gives me a tool to better do so

"economics would provide me with tools to foster an improved understanding of the advertising world."

will help me appreciate economics better and serve me well as I venture in the advertising world.

"will help me better appreciate economics as I venture into the advertising world."

Sounds great overall though, I enjoy your writing! Good luck!
ylimewc   
Dec 22, 2012
Undergraduate / Everyone loves the earth; Cornell CALS App- Environmental Science [3]

Everyone loves the earth, right? A person cannot possibly dislike nature, and therefore affection for of the natural world is entirely commonplace. For years, this had been the rationale for my interest in the outdoors. However, I have recently come to realize that this passion for our world's land and all that it has to offer is something that I must pursue. Research, outreach, and personal experience have brought me to the conclusion that my deep concern for the environment will be present in my academic and professional future. I hope to study Environmental Science and Sustainability at Cornell's College of Agricultural and Life Sciences in order to achieve my goal of contributing to the conservation of land and resources.

Previously, my knowledge about the environment was limited for the most part to the existence of global warming and pollution. However, a realization of the extent of my interest in this subject prompted me to make a conscious effort to expand my knowledge base. I decided to take AP Environmental Science at my high school. The additional, in-depth information that this class provided about the current state of the natural world increased my awareness about the degree of endangerment it is facing. Human activity and disregard for nature have the potential to bring about nature's demise.

My new understanding of the environment, its fragility, and the negative effects that the human population inflicts upon it encouraged me to relay this knowledge to my peers. To do this, I based my high school graduation project on the topic of the impact of humans on the environment. Learning had enabled me to embrace and practice a more sustainable lifestyle, and I hoped to persuade others to do the same. I planned a group camping and hiking trip that utilized sustainable, Leave No Trace practices. The changes in the views and lifestyles of those whose environmental consciousness I had helped to enhance were more rewarding than I can put into words.

I look forward to a future where I can help affect environmentally advantageous changes on a large scale. I plan on pursuing a career involving the environment and the preservation of the natural world through an Environmental Science and Sustainability major at the College of Agricultural and Life Sciences. Using the experience and aptitude that I hope to gain in my years as an undergraduate, I will work to stop the expansion of development into wilderness areas, and to promote methods of sustainable living.

Environmental concerns often take a backseat to the trials and tribulations of everyday life. However, we are but one of earth's nearly nine million species and the greatest legacy we will leave behind is that of our planet.
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