Undergraduate / I walked into an elderly community; Harvard [NEW]

Can you edit this essay for grammar and substance. Be as brutal as possible! Thank you!

"That woman never smiles at anyone or anything: ever. You must have been someone special to make her do such a thing. Good Job!"

Hours earlier, I walked into an elderly community having no idea what would be in store because I had never been to one before. The proctor thrust me into the group and told me to socialize. I met one somber lady who sat away from everyone else. I did not like seeing the shy woman being left out, so I decided to help her play bingo: the activity of the day. I tried my best to really get to know her, but was only able to extract her name, and what she ate for breakfast. I persisted in trying to strike a meaningful conversation while I assisted her in placing chips on the bingo card. By the end of the game, she slowly came out of her shell, and appreciated my relentless effort to make her smile.

When all the numbers had been called, my class said our goodbyes, and as I hugged the lady I played bingo with, a nurse aide that stood to the side pulled me out of the queue. At first I was terrified that I had done something wrong, but she only beamed at me. What she said next sat in the back of my mind for weeks.

Just as I had made that woman smile playing bingo, I want to make people smile because I made a difference in their lives. I want to become a doctor because I understand that it is not simply handing out prescriptions and memorizing medical terminology. The job is to treat the patient, not the illness. Interacting with the lady only confirmed my beliefs as I was able to brighten her day just by taking time to get to know her. As a result, I want to go to a college that understands this relationship and explores different pathways to solve the same problem.

What sparked my interest in Harvard University was reading an article about Dr. Steven C. Schlozman's fake zombie medical journal called "Ataxic Neurodegenerative Satiety Deficiency Syndrome." His exotic approach to zombie neurobiology fascinated me because I never thought that realistic research methods can be applied to folklore in such a factual sense.

With the intent of majoring in Neurobiology, I cannot wait to work with people - such as Kurt Fischer - who believe in a holistic approach to comprehending the mechanisms of the brain. In addition, I intend to join organizations such as the Harvard Society for Mind, Brain, and Behavior in hopes of understanding the evolution and functions of the mind.

After extensively speaking with the Undergraduate Minority Recruitment Program along with current students, Harvard University is the perfect place to expand my horizons as I set about to become a physician. The Mind/Brain/Behavior Interfaculty Initiative (MBB) will serve as a base for me to investigate the complex world of Neuroscience. With Harvard's holistic approach to tackling problems, I can equip myself with the tools to become a role model for this generation and the ones to come.

Undergraduate / Right crowd; The alarm clock can be bothersome indeed/ U Chicago; Why? & Arch-nemesis [2]

How does the University of Chicago, as you know it now, satisfy your desire for a particular kind of learning, community, and future? Please address with some specificity your own wishes and how they relate to UChicago.

I am applying to the University of Chicago in order to surround myself with people that share my passion. Being in the right crowd is essential to my growth as a student and person. While I was a student in the Littleton Health Sciences Program, I flourished because I was stimulated by both the material and my classmates. Everyone in my class knew why they wanted to be a health care specialist and therefore helped guide me on my path to success. At U Chicago, I will be surrounded by those same driven individuals who strive to become the best at whatever they set their eyes on. These people will keep me on course to succeed no matter the obstacle. In addition, the University of Chicago provides many lee ways for me to explore the facets of the health care industry through the multitude of affiliated hospitals, and the career guidance offered by the staff at U Chicago. All these components combined perfect my formula of victory in the real world.

Essay Option 1: "A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies." -Oscar Wilde.
Othello and Iago. Dorothy and the Wicked Witch. The Autobots and the Decepticons. History and art are full of heroes and their enemies. Tell us about the relationship between you and your arch-nemesis (either real or imagined).

Public Enemy Number One

My arch nemesis is one for the books. Despised by people all around the world, my enemy strikes fear in the hearts of millions. Many people cry out in despair when they hear its presence. Appearing in many forms, mankind has a hard time of going about their lives without encountering it at least once a day. No one ever looks forward to meeting my enemy, and for good reason. In an effort to rid their lives of this evil, many have tried to dispose of it, but soon find out that they cannot function without it.

Every night, I always have to check up on my arch nemesis. Catering to its needs, I dream of the day that I could throw my arch-rival out the window for good. Even though it would give me great delight to destroy it, I hold myself back for one reason. I cannot live without my arch-nemesis. It is depressing to admit, but without my adversary I would be a complete wreck. It is the chiding parent who warns not to jump on the bed when it gives great pleasure. It is the warning label on products that keeps harm at bay.

The constant struggle between my enemy and me is both frustrating and rewarding. Just as the Joker reassures Batman of his motives to save Gotham City, my antagonist is a constant reminder of how I should act every day. My arch-nemesis has taught me to be diligent. My adversary will never let up until I strike it down many times. My arch nemesis has taught me timeliness. I never miss school or an appointment without due cause. My arch nemesis has taught me responsibility. I have a duty to carry out my accountabilities no matter how much I do not want to do them.

At night, I have nightmares of my arch-nemesis whisking me away from my castle in the sky. Tossing and turning, I attempt to calculate its moves, but to no avail. My adversary has a knack for appearing at the most inconvenient of times to ruin my day. I despise hearing its call. Every decibel it resonates makes me dread the next. Unfortunately, ignoring my arch-nemesis is an option that I cannot take. As I groggily slam its top, it ceases shortly before blaring a catchy, yet annoying tune once again. My arch nemesis: the alarm clock can be bothersome indeed.

Undergraduate / Ptolemy's Gate /bacteria/Martin Luther King ; Stanford Supp/ Short answers [2]

Name your favorite books, authors, films, and/or musical artists. (300 Characters)
Favorite Books: Ptolemy's Gate (Jonathan Stroud), The Last Olympian (Rick Riordan), and the Quran. Favorite Musical Artist: Lupe Fiasco, and Common. Favorite Film: Anything that relates to Sherlock Holmes, and 21 Jumpstreet.

What newspapers, magazines, and/or websites do you enjoy? (300 Characters)

Whenever I pick up a magazine, it is usually Time Magazine because it is informative and condensed. While on the computer, I love to utilize Twitter, Minute Physics, and failbook.failblog.org. I do not like reading newspapers because I prefer online sources such as sourcefednews.com or cnn.com.

What is the most significant challenge that society faces today? (300 Characters)

As the human population increases its dependence on medication, antibiotic resistance continues to pervade uncontrollably. Steps need to be taken in order to prevent the creation of resistant bacteria that will soon prove to be impossibly harder to eliminate.

How did you spend your last two summers? (300 Characters)

I participated in the Black Issues Forum at Colorado State University where we debated problems facing African Americans as we transition into secondary education. When I was not volunteering or watching Sherlock-type movies, I played soccer with my friends in the local park until the sun set.

What historical moment or event do you wish you could have witnessed? (300 Characters)

I wish that I was able to witness the triumphs of civil rights leaders such as Martin Luther King Jr. and Malcolm X because it had such a bearing on my life. To be able to witness the determination in Martin Luther King Jr.'s eyes up close as he set about to rewrite history would be an honor.

What five words best describe you? (300 Characters)

Awkward (good kind): If I want it to be awkward, it will be. Understanding: I want to know what makes you click. Stubborn: I will argue my point even if I find out it is wrong half way through. Compassionate: Doing something without conviction is not worth doing. Jokester: A smile is all I want.

Stanford students possess an intellectual vitality. Reflect on an idea or experience that has been important to your intellectual development. (2000 Characters)

One thing that I have always loved reading about is the Templars and the Middle Ages. In middle school, I checked out a book in the library called "The Last Templar" by Raymond Khoury. The moment I put down the book, I knew that I opened a door way to a whole new realm. Since then, I fed my curiosity by checking out tons of books on the Middle Ages or even googling "Templars" just to immerse myself in a world of knights and chivalry. Reading about Salahadin's adventures and how Jerusalem would come to fall for several different rulers fascinate me. One particular story that amused me the most was where Salahadin wore his sandals backwards so that enemies would not know where he actually went. Ironically, I often times sleep reading history homework, but correct my history teacher when he discusses the Middle Ages and the quests of the Templars. The more I discovered about the Middle Ages, the more I wanted to learn. When I think of the Templars, I think of people who put their lives on the line in the name of honor and righteousness. I usually found myself daydreaming of a bolder and more robust Mohamed who wore a suite of shining armor, and going about quests of glory and honor. Many people did not know about my curiosity unless they saw my stack of books that dealt solely with the days of knights and the feudal system. For the first time, I actually began to like history because it taught me more about myself. I always thought that lessons of the past were only applicable to that time exclusively, but I was repetitively proven wrong by the books I read. In a way, learning about the Middle Ages was a get away from the stresses of life because they were so polar. It allowed me to look beyond loving just science and develop new skills. Middle Age citizens had to be aware of everything in order to live productively. The same goes for me because being a productive citizen of this society requires me to be knowledgeable in many areas.

Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. Write a note to your future roommate that reveals something about you or that will help your roommate - and us - know you better. (2000 Characters)

Dear future roommate,
Salam Alaikum (May peace be upon you)! My name is Mohamed Gabir and I look forward to the next few years with you at Stanford University. I am a very nonchalant person that will not be picky as to where you put your belongings and what time you are allowed to shower. On the other hand, you can not disturb me when Real Madrid is playing. They are my favorite soccer team, so I cannot afford to miss any action. If you are not a soccer fan by now, I will make sure that you are by the time we graduate. I love to play pick up soccer, or have quality time with my friends because building a relationship is essential to our growth as students at Stanford.

People think of me as a blunt person because I like to say what is on my mind. It is better to have everything out in the open instead of trying to figure out what each person is thinking. That is why I like to participate in things such as Model United Nations because I figure out people's true intentions through hours of debate. Seeing their true colors allows me to see them for who they are and how I interact with them. For the first few weeks, you might catch me "analyzing" you, but don't be afraid! I am only doing it in order to understand who you are as a person.

My goal after graduating from Stanford is to become a physician because I love helping people. Bringing a smile to someone's face is the ultimate reward that no monetary value can equal. Being your dorm partner, I will be there for you whenever you need me because it is my duty. I believe in equal opportunities for everyone and denying assistance, to me, is wrong.

In our time at Stanford, I hope to create many everlasting memories such as staying up until three a.m. trying to study for a big exam or exploring San Francisco with my soon to be partner in crime. Whatever happens within the next four years, make sure you know one thing: I will always have your back.

Sincerely,
Mohamed Gabir
P.S. I call dibs on the right side of the room.

Undergraduate / Neuroscience/ Helpful & Empathetic; Johns Hopkins Supp ; Pursue what?/ You [4]

Johns Hopkins offers 50 majors across the schools of Arts and Sciences and Engineering. On this application, we ask you to identify one or two that you might like to pursue here. Why did you choose the way you did? If you are undecided, why didn't you choose? (If any past courses or academic experiences influenced your decision, you may include them in your essay.)

What part of the body is least known by human kind? The answer: is the brain. There is so much to still discover about how the brain works that it is mind blowing (pun intended). Since I was a child, I always wondered how the brain was able to tell my hand that it was burning on a stove and remove it so quickly. I asked my teacher about this phenomenon and she only told me it was called an involuntary reflex action. Not satisfied with this answer, I researched the topic and found out the impulse never actually reaches the brain but rather only goes to the spinal cord and back in what is called an involuntary reflex action.

There are a lot of things that I will not be sure about in life, but my college major is not one of them. I made my mind up long time ago and it won't likely change. Neuroscience fascinates me because there are many mysteries that shroud its underlying mechanisms. In this golden age of knowledge, advances in this field are very drastic and I want to be a part of the movement. My desire is to learn the ins and outs of the nervous system. My pursuit of Neuroscience as a major is also a key step towards my goal of becoming a physician. It will be a challenging path, but I know that it will be equally rewarding.

Tell us something about yourself or your interests that we wouldn't learn by looking at the rest of your application materials. (While you should still pay attention to sentence structure and grammar, your response is meant as a way for us to get to know you, rather than a formal essay.)

One day speaking to my teacher, she looked at me and said, "Never look down on someone unless you are picking them up." This resonated within me because those words were a manifestation of what I try to do every day. I think everyone deserves to have an equal chance to persevere in whatever endeavor they might encounter. If that means people should be caught up to speed, it is an obligation to be there as a caring friend in order to help them. Everyone has the potential to be someone great, but it takes special people to unlock that potential. This is why I make it my responsibility to do whatever I can to help anyone that asks for my support. I often end up tutoring my classmates long into the night even though I might have an exam the next day. In essence, I cannot say no to anyone that asks for assistance because I feel guilty every time I refuse due to the fact that I am crippling them from succeeding. This mindset allows me to see the world in a different light. Whenever I am in an argument with someone, I try to picture what kinds of struggles or situations they have been through in order to reach their position on whatever topic we may be arguing about. Life often pushes a person to their limits but it doesn't hurt to have a helping hand.

Undergraduate / Admin Officer/ Neuroscience/ courses/ Sudan/Something you are Proud about/Brown Supp [3]

How did you find out about Brown? For example, from a person, publication, campus visit, etc.?

In my hunt to find the Ivy League school that I would flourish in, I drove two hours across town to attend Exploring Education Excellence to hear what makes Brown University unique. Talking to the admission officer and Brown Alumni, with my research, made me realize what a great fit Brown is for me.

Why are you drawn to the area(s) of study you indicated?

The brain is one of components of the body that human kind least knows about. With so many ambiguities about how it works, it becomes mind blowing (pun intended). In this golden age of knowledge, I want to study Neuroscience because there are so many facets still to discover about the brain.

Why does this academic environment appeal to you?

In the standard core curriculum, everyone has to take certain introductory courses whether they like it or not. As a result, there is a multitude of students that will not be as involved as they should. The class serves as a checkpoint that they must pass in order to graduate from college. With the Brown curriculum, everyone in an introductory biology course is either pursuing a Biology major or finds the class appealing. With an eager environment, a class becomes bearable because the students are engaged as much as the instructors. In the Littleton Health Sciences Program, I grew dramatically as a student because everyone actively pursued their interests in the medical field.

Tell us where you have lived-and for how long-since you were born; whether you've always lived in the same place, or perhaps in a variety of places.

My parents emigrated from Sudan before I was born and settled in Colorado. I have been a Coloradoan ever since. Growing up in Denver taught me countless life lessons about the blessings and struggles life has to offer. There aren't many places that can compare to what Colorado offers.

I felt like I truly belonged when...

I felt like I truly belonged when I unlocked the chest and held up the diamond prize in front of two hundred fellow student leaders acknowledging the effort I put into solving the elaborate puzzle.

What is something you created that makes you especially proud, and why?

In middle school, I loved web designing and was thrilled to find out that the school offered a class just for web designers. For our big project, I had to find someone who would want a web page built for their business. For the first time in the class, I was stumped. Who would trust their business to a middle school student? My teacher called me over and asked if I would build the school's library for them. When I turned in my final product, I felt a sense of fulfillment. My hard work and passion manifested into a tool used by the whole school. Both the librarians and my teacher were proud of my work because they knew I had put my metaphorical blood, sweat, and tears into the web page.

We all exist within communities or groups of various sizes, origins, and purposes; pick one and tell us why it is important to you, and how it has shaped you.

Being a Muslim American, I see the world in a different perspective than people around me. Unlike the traditional American, I balance two polar opposite cultures which often offer conflicting view points on many topics. Whenever I visit my family in Sudan, I notice the subtle differences in the way everyone acts opposed to how Americans treat each other. Some of these qualities can be negative while others might be good. As a result, I can pick and choose the best qualities of each and form a superior way of living. In addition to the discrimination that comes as a result of being Muslim, I learned to sympathize with others because everyone comes from a different background. Each of their individual experiences shaped them into a different person, and I must respect that. One's family roots serve as a lens that each person looks through to see the world around them. Interchanging these lenses help me view the world in many perspectives that others do not get to see.

What question could we ask to gain the most insight into you? What is your answer?

What drives you? One day speaking to my teacher, she looked at me and said, "Never look down on someone unless you are picking them up." This resonated within me because those words were a manifestation of what I try to do every day. I think everyone deserves to have an equal chance to persevere in whatever endeavor they might encounter. If that means people should be caught up to speed, it is an obligation to be there as a caring friend in order to help them. Everyone has the potential to be someone great, but it takes special people to unlock that potential. This is why I make it my responsibility to do whatever I can to help anyone that asks for my support. I often end up tutoring my classmates long into the night even though I might have an exam the next day. In essence, I cannot say no to anyone that asks for assistance because I feel guilty every time I refuse due to the fact that I am crippling them from succeeding. This mindset allows me to see the world in a different light. Whenever I am in an argument with someone, I try to picture what kinds of struggles or situations they have been through in order to reach their position on whatever topic we may be arguing about. Life often pushes a person to their limits but it doesn't hurt to have a helping hand because in the end, we are all one thing: humans. Being human entails making mistakes, and not knowing what to do. Being human makes one vulnerable to the struggle life offers. More importantly, being human allows one to become compassionate. Helping each other is essential to the growth of society because it requires a collaborative effort. I despise the fact that we live in an oppressive society where one's worth outweighs another because they had better access to tools for success. If everyone was concerned about the wellbeing of the whole, humanity would develop at a faster rate.

Undergraduate / Being a Muslim; Common App/ Personal, local, international concern [3]

Question 1: Discuss some issue of personal, local, national, or international concern and its importance to you.

Imagine, at the age of seven, sitting in the backseat when a car veers up next to yours and corners you into a side street. Sitting rigid with fear, the driver looks disapprovingly at your father, who struggles to keep a brave smile. After what seems like an eternity, the driver says,

"Do you know why there are no K-Marts in Iraq? It's because they only have Targets."
I did not understand at the time why someone hated my family just because we were Muslim. I knew that my family worked just as hard as other Americans did, yet we were still victimized. At first, I tried to run away from my "negative" image, but I learned that my personal image defines who I am. I am an American who volunteers his time to sort medical supplies to be shipped to Puerto Rico. I am an American who worked long into the night in order to excel at my studies. I am a friend that my siblings look up to when they need help with their homework. My character is defined by what I do, not by others' judgments.

My parents emigrated from war-torn Sudan twenty years ago. They had to build their lives from scratch in a country where many people did not understand or seem to want them. My father would sit in his taxi studying Oracle textbooks in the hopes of someday finding a job as a software developer. His hard work and determination earned him a spot at a food service company as a Data-Analyst Administrator.

When I look at my parents, I can only see the determination in their eyes to live out the American Dream. Working from seven a.m. to seven p.m., five days a week, and being on-call, my dad often had to sacrifice his time at home in order to provide for his family. By watching my parents, I learned that I can make a name for myself if I put the effort into it.

Throughout my high school career, I have tried to embody perseverance by becoming the best student that I can be. I joined multiple clubs in order to expand my horizons, and to soak up as much knowledge as I could. In spite of my hectic extracurricular schedule, my hunger for knowledge inside the classroom is not sated. In a way, discrimination has fueled my passion.

I believe that there is more to a person than what they appear to be on the surface. My parents came to America in order to be judged for their actions and not what religion they practice. It is my vision to grow up in a society where everyone follows through with this sacred canon. Even though the road ahead is difficult, it is up to me to make the best out of it. My life has been tainted with many forms of prejudice, but the will to prove that I am not the stereotype seen by outsiders keeps me going.

Question 2: Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (1000 character maximum).

I was the first non-medical student to shadow at my local immunology clinic with the intent of understanding the health care industry. I felt truly blessed because no other students would have this opportunity until they were in medical school. I worked intimately with patients who gave me some understanding of what it truly takes to be a physician. In the research lab, I studied pollen slides obtained from a collector located on the roof. I also catalogued medications for the Champ Camp, a week long summer camp that educates young children about how to manage their asthma. I felt immense responsibility; doctors and nurses depended on me. For one week, I went to the administrative office and learned about the company infrastructure from the ground up. I spoke to staff members ranging from the Chief Operating Officer to the Director of Clinical Operations. The internship allowed me to see the inner workings of the health care field and how each component is essential to the whole.

Any feed back including grammar, structure, and flow is appreciate! :)