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Posts by BlackWaltzIV
Joined: Dec 29, 2012
Last Post: Dec 29, 2012
Threads: 5
Posts: 10  

From: United Kingdom (Great Britain)

Displayed posts: 15
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BlackWaltzIV   
Dec 29, 2012
Undergraduate / Granddad; Common App: Significant person and influence essay [6]

How about this as a rework of the final part:

"Ultimately, in a time of great need he supported me by not needing anything from me. He gave me all of his time, patience and love when nobody else could. Should it be necessary, I now know that by being an approachable, reliable and aware person, I can help those with their isolating, invisible wounds."
BlackWaltzIV   
Dec 29, 2012
Undergraduate / I co-founded & run my Sixth Form's debating society/ Extracurricular Activity [3]

Hi,

Thanks for your time. I'm applying from the UK [Debating societies are rare in UK schools.]

Promot: Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences

I co-founded and run my Sixth Form's debating society, which provides a rare forum to exchange, challenge, and be challenged on the both the latest and oldest standing questions concerning international and domestic politics, law, culture and society. Debating has opened my eyes to the importance of rationale, logic and a fair approach when forming an argument, which has no place for the opinionated, prejudices and unfounded conclusions; the lifeblood of any well-rounded contributor to society and any potential student. The vibrancy of discussion with your peers in an open setting, where questions are asked which are not bound by any curriculum, is, ironically, not part of any curriculum, and so being able to found a debating society was a huge benefit to the Sixth Form community. As a budding physicist, it can be easy to become focused on a more scientific viewpoint, but by discussing with peers from various subjects, debating has readied me for the breadth of university education.
BlackWaltzIV   
Dec 29, 2012
Undergraduate / History, and mathematics have captured me and never let goCornell sup [10]

history commenced by

The word commenced doesn't really fit- it sounds like you just looked up 'started' in the thesaurus and threw it in to try to sound smart.

[Sorry that sounds very rude from me- but it's what it seemed like.]

longingfor

- Longing - space- for [just in case you c&p into the app and miss it.]

The ability of engaging in accredited independent research is of high interest to me due to my passion for research.

[quote=abulkhair37]The ability of engaging in accredited independent research is of high interest to me due to my passion for research. As for the research I plan on doing in the area of mathematics if given the chance would be in the established topics of Logical, and Statistical research, which would allow me to cultivate the beginning for further studies in business.

'Research' is repeated a lot.
BlackWaltzIV   
Dec 29, 2012
Undergraduate / This clarified my attraction to physics; Columbia: Attraction to specific field. [2]

Hi,
Thanks for your time.
All criticism is welcomed. I'm applying from the UK, and I chose Physics as the specific field.

Prompt: For applicants to Columbia College, please tell us what from your current and past experiences (either academic or personal) attracts you specifically to the field or fields of study that you noted in the Application Data section. If you are currently undecided, please write about any field or fields in which you may have an interest at this time.

Over the previous summer I was accepted onto a 4 week placement in the University of Liverpool Physics Department. I studied the methodology of the recent discovery of the Higgs Boson and the underlying particle physics; my project involved connecting the collision paths recorded by the ATLAS detector, and then identifying the properties of the particles to recover the parent. Then I had to determine whether there was a 'new' particle in my data and if so, the significance to which we can claim a discovery. The scientists I worked with had just returned from the 4th July discovery announcement, they were contributors to what is arguably the 'moon landing' of the 21st century. They were so modest, unassuming and captivated purely by their subject. This clarified my attraction to physics; the world of physics does not boast of its successes, its unavoidable impact of our everyday lives, because that isn't the point. Physicists are driven to find an answer; or even to ask another relevant question. Studying physics at Columbia will enable me to get involved, to gain a better understanding of the natural world and will give me the ability to discuss and be at the forefront of the latest research and ideas, which will either build upon today's accepted theories, or, perhaps the more exciting scenario, overthrow them.
BlackWaltzIV   
Dec 29, 2012
Undergraduate / Sultan Ahmed Mosque; NYU supp/ What intrigues you? [4]

popularly known as the Blue Mosque in Istanbul,

- Is this needed?

Nowadays, there are so few people and places, compared to centuries ago, that cherish their historical backgrounds. It is quite rare today to appreciate something that distinguishes one person from the other.

I'm honestly not sure that's true. Many places are hardline devoted to their traditions, which is why multiculturalism is a source of such heated debates.

compared to centuries ago

Where did this come from? Nothing comes to mind which provides evidence of this.

Sorry, if I am being too hard. It's your essay. This was what just came to mind when I read it over the first time.
BlackWaltzIV   
Dec 29, 2012
Undergraduate / Physics major/ fitting with my interests/ my contribution; Why Columbia? [3]

Hi, thanks for you time.

Prompt: Please tell us what you find most appealing about Columbia and why.

Please offer anything that comes to mind.

A Beacon of Reason



My subject is physics and to me its beauty and its uncorrupted quest for explanation fuelled by pure curiosity is captivating. Yet I do not wish to be restricted so soon! Allow me to absorb a variety of studies in a university setting! Columbia does this better than any other. My major will grant me access to the minds of experts in their respective fields, and propel me into a career where I can pursue my subject to my heart's content. But so would UPenn, so would Duke; right? Ahhhh, but whilst my major will teach me my subject, the Core will teach me to be a citizen, a contributor, a well-rounded academic in a world full of academics with too narrow a view. It will web together my interests in a myriad of disciplines and introduce me to new ones. It will give me the tool of heurism, and take me back to the foundations of being a scientist and values that have driven scientific innovation. In a city that can be cold and ruthless, Columbia acts as a beacon of reason, where students come, regardless of wealth, race and country, to study because they deserve a place based solely on their merit and willingness to milk the opportunity to the fullest. I will not just take from Columbia; I offer my own experiences, ideas, leadership, and hard work to Columbia to ensure that it is a more enriched institution when I leave than when I arrived. And Columbia will, I'm sure, be waiting to hear what I have to say.
BlackWaltzIV   
Dec 29, 2012
Undergraduate / I can be a useful asset to you on the weekends; Stanford Room mate Essay [6]

I applaud your ambition with this essay. It's definitely a brave approach. The admissions tutors are human and after 100 of these it could be easy to be tired and mistake confidence with arrogance. However I think you land on the right sight of the fence.

GG; HF ;)
BlackWaltzIV   
Dec 29, 2012
Writing Feedback / Successful Women in Saudi Arabia [6]

Hi,
I don't know what this is for, but I can say it seemed to talk a lot about 'what'. Perhaps connect with the essay; the story of these women, talk about the next big steps for women and what you want to do, given how these women have opened doors for women in SA.
BlackWaltzIV   
Dec 29, 2012
Undergraduate / Self-revelation, Self-amendment: Meaningful-Cultural event [2]

Hi,
Thanks for your time. I'm applying from the UK. The event I am describing is when I was in the bathroom, listening to the bugle at a remembrance day ceremony. I think it's a Commonwealth thing- similar to Veteran's day. It happens every year at 11am of the 11day of the eleventh month. - The armistice of WW1. [ The essay is in British English but I can change that easily.]

Eleven a.m. on the eleventh day of the eleventh month always felt mandatory; something done out of tradition, I was told it was to remember what had been lost for our country, our cause and our liberty. The true gravity in the families that had never been, memories never created or shared, and loves that never were, had never hit impacted me.

So what a ridiculous juxtaposition it was, to hear 'Last Post' for the first time, and for two minutes be consumed by the magnitude of this day, whilst alone, in the bathroom, vainly checking my face for the tiniest imperfection.

In my head the world around me dissolved; I stared into that mirror, at 18 years old, and tried to not imagine the experiences of other people: not photographs, not the voice of a war torn man in my head as I read his poems- but myself. Give me a rifle and a tin can for a helmet and force me over the top. Give me a horse and sabre and let me lead a charge into the invisible wall of machine gun fire. Give me a spade, and I'll dig myself a foxhole in the frozen ground of the Ardennes, at the mercy of the exploding trees whose splinters' shred my cloth armour.

Oh God; please don't.
How was I so blind?
Now I tell myself: 'live honestly, fully, and deep-heartedly thankful; as they would have done.'
For all of the above: the process of self-revelation, self-amendment and recognising the enormity of the tragedies in which our lives are inescapably founded on, meant that these were the most meaningful two minutes of my life.
BlackWaltzIV   
Dec 29, 2012
Undergraduate / ICS program is one of a kind / Duke Sup/ Duke attractions [13]

Duke is no short of school spirit with its superior academics and incredible athletics.

TBH I think this may sound a bit arrogant. Duke is good but they know they aren't Harvard. The word superior sounds a bit elitist; I was enjoying it, but that seemed to ruin the mood.
BlackWaltzIV   
Dec 29, 2012
Undergraduate / Granddad; Common App: Significant person and influence essay [6]

Hi,
Thanks for your time. I am, of course, open to all criticisms. I'm from Britain btw.
Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you, and describe that influence.

Here goes:

Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you, and describe that influence.

[Please note that this is not a cry for sympathy; I respect your time and your institutions more than that.]

The sight of his car drained away the shallow joys of the day. School was an escape, but now reality dawned. Granddad was here to take me home because my father's manic depression had once again gripped the family, and my mother was now occupied in calming him down or convincing the doctors to help.

Granddad is of the 'old-school': a stiff-upper lipped, working class Northerner, and his influences on me are twofold.
At the age of 15 I had a routine; it was practically set in stone: Wake up, school, home, dinner, revise, TV, sleep. It was only when this was replaced with uncertainty and turmoil: nights at friends houses, takeaway meals, random days off school, that I recognised the importance of stability in a young person's life. Granddad always had the same jacket on, the same radio station blaring in his car, and the ashtray that hadn't been emptied of old sweet wrappers. He read the same paper and told the same war stories! This was an island of assurance, a bastion against the icy ocean of insecurity and hopelessness; and yet it was so simple, he probably doesn't even know he was doing it. I was taught the importance of just turning up, being some sort of consistency and showing people that there is always some ledge to cling to, no matter how ambiguous, or how previously unimportant and insignificant it may appear when juxtaposed with your life before whatever cataclysm you have endured.

Within this, however, Granddad was an expert at changing the subject and diverting my attention away from the situation at home. I don't believe he thought it worked; it was just the only tool the culture he grew up in gave him to tackle such 'uncouth' issues. At times I wanted to yell at him to just talk about something relevant to my father. I didn't as to not push an ill-equipped old man, yet he, a typical example of an antiquated attitude to mental health and other such 'weaknesses' bread into him by a repressed, mistaken for a reserved, country, has lead me to realise that sometimes the most deep-rooted societal norms are utter rubbish. Ironically, I am a hypocrite, since I have yet to break this mold fully. However, just being made aware of the burden that can be lifted by expression is an influence I cannot be more thankful for moving forward into the inevitable unknowns of my life.

Ultimately, in a time of my great need he supported me by not needing anything from me. He gave me all of his time and patience and love when nobody else could. I wish that I never have to be what Granddad was to me to anybody else, because then another must have experienced a comparable time of misery as I did, but given his influences on me, I know that should it be necessary, the my devoted presence to someone else may be all they need.
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