Undergraduate / English was not my first language; Essay on a novel I wrote [3]

Perhaps elaborate more on your novel? I sense that you're trying to say your novel wasn't that good--maybe explain why and how you improved your writing?

Undergraduate / Voluntary Teaching; Princeton University/Summer [4]


I think you should specify that the 'diamond' is your piano skills.


'for an extra credit' should be fine.


This sentence is a little awkward, you could reword it?

Take out the 'myself', we know it is.

Wow, this essay is really good! I've learned a lot about your passions and goals through what you did during the summer! I see no need for any real changes.

Undergraduate / passion for business, international diplomacy/Penn(Wharton) Sup; Engage academically? [8]


I'd prefer 'this laissez-faire attitude'.


Perhaps 'wasted frivolously'?

Wow, this essay is really good! The above comments are merely my personal preferences, I see no real need to change anything. Good luck, and if you have time, please look at mine was well!

Undergraduate / Jillian. Jillybear. Jillybean.; Texas A&M/ Person - influence [5]

I really like this essay! You can really see the impact of Jillian and you describe her well. However, I do think perhaps you need to include more on YOU and how she impacted YOU instead of so much on Jillian (though she seems so cute!).

Undergraduate / How France Made Me Change Schools/ Common App [7]

As most people are allowed in their life the time had come for my fathers "Honey I shrunk the kids" moment. Sorry, the beginning of your sentence confused me? Maybe reword it to be more clear.

I really like this essay! I think you show your apprehension and growth and your ability to listen to others. Perhaps add in more about why you decided to attend K12 and not because your parents convinced you?

Undergraduate / Teen Court; Common App Extracurricular [13]

Perhaps take out the 'for me'? We know that this response is personal. Overall, I think this is a really good response! It shows your passion for teen court well.

Scholarship / I was a very curious child; My goals/ Scholarship [7]

Maybe you should talk about how living in the UK has opened your mind instead of just telling us that? Also you said you lived in the UK, but then you said you graduated from one of the top high schools in Libya, perhaps explain this? Overall I think your essay is very promising!