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Posts by ticklelisaelmo
Joined: Dec 30, 2012
Last Post: Jan 1, 2013
Threads: 8
Posts: 42  
Likes: 3
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 50 / page 2 of 2
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ticklelisaelmo   
Dec 30, 2012
Undergraduate / The Alchemist ; NYU /What intrigues you? [13]

Good essay overall.
This allowed me to earn the leadership roles I wanted, such as senior class vice president, Mr. Echo (a community service representative for my school), and many more.

Instead of many more, can you put one more specific achievement there? I think that could help set you apart because others might have just said many more as well.
ticklelisaelmo   
Dec 30, 2012
Grammar, Usage / (Julia Law and Psychology..) - WHAT'S WRONG WITH THIS SENTENCE? [5]

Why is law and psychology capitalized? Also, maybe you could take out the part with the intriguing discussions and stick that into another sentence.also, don't say leaves (present tense) if youre gonna say having taught (past tense) it should be left.
ticklelisaelmo   
Dec 30, 2012
Undergraduate / Urban setting/opportunity for women/ education/ challenging ; Barnard/Good Match? [4]

How did you first learn about Barnard College and what factors have influenced your decision to apply? Why do you think the College would be a good match for you?

Because I am interested in attending college in New York City, I was able find out about Barnard College easily. I admired that Barnard College is in an urban setting and in one of the greatest cities in the world. Besides being in a great location, Barnard College is unique because it focuses on giving the best education to women. The school stands out to me because it gives the opportunity for young women, like me, to learn to become strong, aspiring and independent. I know that Barnard College will educate me to view the world through different perspectives and sculpt me into being someone who can create progress in the world. I applied to Barnard College because I acknowledge that it is a challenging school. I am willing to be challenged to be the best that I can become - especially during my college years. I hope to make my college experience worthwhile and I am confident that Barnard College can help me become the leader who will create change for the benefit of society.

Pick one woman in history or fiction to converse with for an hour and explain your choice. What would you talk about?
I would choose to converse with Elizabeth Blackwell, the first woman to graduate from medical school and a pioneer in educating women in medicine. The reason why I would choose Blackwell is because I admire her audacity to prove that women are just as capable, intelligent and important as men. Blackwell's ambition was able to overcome the uncertainty of being a woman doctor. Although she was rejected by almost all the medical schools she applied to, she was accepted to Geneva Medical College. But, Blackwell's acceptance was endorsed as a practical joke. I wonder how Blackwell was able to persist in becoming the first woman to graduate from medical school, despite society's harsh views. Did she know that her actions would influence the future of medicine? Did she realize that her achievements would inspire women in later generations? What inspired her to persist on becoming the first woman doctor of medicine in the modern era?

Alumna and writer Anna Quindlen says that she "majored in unafraid" at Barnard. Tell us about a time when you majored in unafraid.

I felt the stares of the crowd as I walked onto the dance floor. I was at my first dance competition and I did not know what to expect. I took a deep breath as my partner looked at me. Although he didn't say a word, I knew exactly what he was saying. We can do this, Lisa. I believe in us. I took a deep breath and remembered the reason why I was here. I wasn't here to disappoint myself; instead, I was here to show everybody the fearlessness in me. This is my chance to shine. I majored in unafraid when I danced my first dance competition; I wouldn't allow my worries to overtake the experience. My fears were only temporary until I reminded myself that I was competing because it was my passion to dance. As I danced, I let all my emotions escape. Despite the pressure from the judges, I prevented my worries from ruining my chances. Majoring in unafraid that day showed me what I was truly made of and hopefully will become in the future.

Community - educational, geographic, religious, political, ethnic, or other - can define an individual's experience and influence her journey. How has your community, as you identify it, shaped your perspective?

I wander through the numerous displays of cultural dishes as I observe what ingredients were needed to make these foods. I'm in seventh grade and it's the annual cultural festival at school. No matter which school I attend, I always seem to be surrounded by the diverse community New York City has provided me with. I've learned how to embrace the differences that my friends and I may have - whether it is our clothes, background, or beliefs. My community has taught me to respect others for their differences because our differences make us individual. It has also taught me that despite our differences, we are also very similar and our similarities unite us as a community. I learned from my community that diversity is something we should be grateful to have; not only does diversity teach us to respect different cultures, but it also teaches us to be more accepting and adjustable.

E. Applicants for the HEOP Scholars Program: Why are you interested in the Arthur O. Eve Higher Education Opportunity Program? What do you hope to achieve by participating in this program?

Being part of the HEOP Scholars Program can help me pursue my dream of being an oncologist. Following this career path takes time, effort and money. The HEOP Scholars Program can help take one burden off me and help me focus on what's most significant for my goal. I believe that as a college student, it is more important to concentrate on the experience and education rather than the tuition. I hope that with the help of the HEOP Scholars Program, I'll be able to afford achieving my full potential without having me worrying about whether I should study at a certain institution solely on its tuition. Most importantly, I hope that the HEOP Scholars Program will prove that good education does not always mean an unaffordable education. I am hoping that I can look back one day and be grateful for the HEOP Scholars program that gave me the advantage and opportunity to become the strong, aspiring and independent woman who, despite financial challenges, was able to succeed from Barnard College.
ticklelisaelmo   
Dec 30, 2012
Undergraduate / 'Pakistani culture and daugters' - WHY NYU [3]

I think this is a good essay. I see that you mentioned being the first female doctor in your fam. Did you also apply to Barnard - I think this would be a great essay for Barnard. Also, what is the question? Is this the academic interests one?
ticklelisaelmo   
Dec 30, 2012
Undergraduate / Great city/ Wide range of studies/ College experience; WHY NYU? [19]

It's a perfect summer day and I am visiting the Empire State Building for the first time. As I look down, I see waves of people walking down the streets of New York City and I realize how fortunate I am to live in such a great city. Although New York City has been my home my entire life, I feel as if I am surrounded by new people, sounds and lights. Although this new surrounding is only a borough away from my home, it is still New York City. From the quiet neighborhood in Dyker Heights to the busy streets of Manhattan, New York City is filled with new environments. I chose the New York City campus because of the variety New York City provides me with. I know that this campus can offer me a wide range of studies, just like its city offers me an extensive array of ambiance. Furthermore, the benefit of having New York City as a university home makes me confident that this campus will offer me an unforgettable experience and great potential as a college student.

EDITED! kinda switched it all up this time. please give me suggestions! :) thanks
ticklelisaelmo   
Dec 30, 2012
Undergraduate / Sultan Ahmed Mosque; NYU supp/ What intrigues you? [4]

Just a little thought here:
Sometimes I find it hard to cherish my background because it does set me apart from others around me.
Useless word? don't you think?
I think you could elaborate more on how this is significant to you. I agree that you should fix the last sentence.
How does your culture effect you? What makes it precious?
ticklelisaelmo   
Dec 30, 2012
Undergraduate / Further my education in the sciences; NYU SUPPLEMENT/Academic Plans [6]

NYU's global network provides students with hundreds of academic areas of interest for students to cultivate their intellectual curiosity and to help achieve their career goals. Whether you are entirely undecided about your academic plans or you have a definitive program of study in mind, what are your own academic interests? Feel free to share any thoughts on any particular programs or how you might explore those interests at NYU on any of our campuses.

One of my biggest ambitions in college is to further my education in the sciences. After being part of the biomedical engineering major at my high school, I grew interest in the biological sciences. I became intrigued by the way our body contains the mechanisms to function properly and how it may fail to do so. Most importantly, however, I want work hard to become an oncologist in the future. Being an oncologist is my dream. But, it is not my only dream. Aside from my academic interest in the sciences, I am also a believer in the arts. My interests in music and dance have been a big part of my life (since I am a dancer and a pianist). In fact, I want to be able to progress my knowledge in the arts in order to learn more about myself; moreover, I want share the gift of music and dance to others - young and old. Because of my different interests, I believe that NYU is the right fit for me. With NYU's prehealth program, I'll be able to explore myself academically in the sciences and the arts at the same time.

What intrigues you? Tell us about one work of art, scientific achievement, piece of literature, method of communication, or place in the world (a film, book, performance, website, event, location, etc.), and explain its significance to you.

A place that never fails to amaze me is Venice, Italy. The architecture, history and structure of Venice are just some of the reasons why Venice intrigues me. Venetian architecture has always interested me because of its intricate construction. In addition, the artistic vision of the Venetians was able to create identification and eventually, this helped unite them against the obstacles they had to overcome. Venetian connection with the Byzantine Empire and the Islamic world is another factor that makes Venice a fascinating place because this helped to create a unique culture that differs from the rest of Italy. Lastly, the structure of Venice is undoubtedly the most astonishing characteristic of the archipelago. With more than 177 canals and 400 bridges, Venice has become a revolutionary place to travel. The way Venetians manage to travel by water makes me wonder how life is like without cars. The culture, lifestyle and history of Venice differ greatly from those of America. The cultural differences between Americans and Venetians inspire me to travel around the world; in fact, it also motivates me to study abroad in college and learn about different cultures around the world.
ticklelisaelmo   
Dec 30, 2012
Undergraduate / NYU economics program; NYU sup/ Academic Interests [10]

Growing up in Beijing, the capital of one of the world's fastest developing countries, the dynamics of the city changed with breathtaking speed.

Its no biggie. but the subject of your sentence is not correct. The real subject is you, not the dynamics of the city. Do you understand what I'm trying to say? the dynamics of the city didnt grow up in beijing. you did! :)
ticklelisaelmo   
Dec 30, 2012
Undergraduate / Great city/ Wide range of studies/ College experience; WHY NYU? [19]

I chose the New York City campus because it is an opportunity to learn more about the great city that I've lived in my entire life. I know that this campus can offer me a wide range of studies (from law to the arts) and an unforgettable college experience. What I love about the New York City campus is that it is in an urban setting, unlike many other universities. Being able to study in one the greatest universities in the world in the greatest city of the world is an opportunity I am willing to take. The benefit of having New York City as a university home makes me confident that this campus will offer me a unique experience and great potential as a college student.

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