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NYU economics program; NYU sup/ Academic Interests

alicederp 10 / 56 4  
Dec 30, 2012   #1
Hey guys please help me with this answer. Do you think I fully answer the question? Please be as harsh as you can. All comments and suggestions are greatly appreciated!

A. NYU's global network provides students with hundreds of academic areas of interest for students to cultivate their intellectual curiosity and to help achieve their career goals. Whether you are entirely undecided about your academic plans or you have a definitive program of study in mind, what are your own academic interests? Feel free to share any thoughts on any particular programs or how you might explore those interests at NYU on any of our campuses. (1500 characters)

Growing up in Beijing, the capital of one of the world's fastest developing countries, the dynamics of the city changed with breathtaking speed. Miles of cornfield disappeared as the coal burning factories popped up and spewed out blackness into the once brilliant blue skies. Shopping malls sprouted all over the city and soon the streets filled with bicycles were traded for shiny new cars.

These were childhood observations that with the opportunity of enrolling in HL economics finally began to make sense. And with the models and explanations, came the full appreciation of the subject's real world relevance and a conviction to pursue economics. I realize that it is the laws of economics that invisibly dictate the workings of modern society and for this reason I thirst for more understanding.

With the relevancy of economics as the main reason to further my study, my criteria for choosing a program is one that not only has excellent teaching, but also emphasizes and celebrates the diversity of the subject. These principles are representative of the NYU economics program. In addition to the honor of working with passionate professors, the liberal arts foundation through MAP enriches the study of economics and interlaces it with other disciplines. All the while, the array of opportunities for research, internships and innovation keeps the subject relevant to the real world. With such features and the prestige of the campus and the city itself, I would be honored to attend NYU.

I will be glad to help with your essay if you like.

mayfl0wer 6 / 48  
Dec 30, 2012   #2
This is awesome! Loved the description of Beijing in the beginning.

I thirst for more understanding.
^ I was never a fan of words like 'thirst' when it comes to uni apps - seemed a little too over the top. But it does work! Personal preference.

Very nice. : )
aks1 1 / 12  
Dec 30, 2012   #3
great job, loved the transition between paragraphs
sunny_joy 4 / 16 7  
Dec 30, 2012   #4
Hey! Thanks for looking at my essay!
I think yours does a pretty good job answering the question too :)
kabal 9 / 61  
Dec 30, 2012   #5
Very nice introduction. relating to economic is a plus.
But at the end you lost steam. The question asked how you plan to take advantage of THE PROGRAMS AT NYU.
you didn't say much about how you would take advantage of the programs, you just brushed through them like a list.
Since you have a limit of 1500 characters, use words wisely.
the first sentence of the 3rd paragraph can be added to the second.the rest can go, to give room for one to elaborate on one aspect you wish to explore more in NYU, then you can breeze through the other point.

Since you talked about Beijing's transformation . you could talk about something that relates NYU, global development...JUST AN IDEA.
I also plan to study economics.
Let your passion for economic show through the essay.
sillybandz 6 / 20  
Dec 30, 2012   #6
The beginning is great! I feel like I'm in the moment. If you want you can try to be specific with the internships and research opportunities. All colleges have research opportunities, but what makes NYU special? Also, I don't know why but there is some reason why I'm not so fond of the last sentence. I think it's because you said "I would be honored to attend NYU." But if you like it, keep it.

Could you help me with either of my Duke essay? Thank you!
bng16210 2 / 12  
Dec 30, 2012   #7

I loved your essay. You gave so much detail about Beijing. I would expand on that to explain in detail what brings you to choose NYU and its' programof interest in the same manner. Overall, I loved your essay. great job!
ticklelisaelmo 8 / 42 3  
Dec 30, 2012   #8
Growing up in Beijing, the capital of one of the world's fastest developing countries, the dynamics of the city changed with breathtaking speed.

Its no biggie. but the subject of your sentence is not correct. The real subject is you, not the dynamics of the city. Do you understand what I'm trying to say? the dynamics of the city didnt grow up in beijing. you did! :)
OP alicederp 10 / 56 4  
Dec 30, 2012   #9
Thank you all so much!

I will definitely fix up the ending part by elaborating on a single aspect instead of making a list.

I think the ending sentence is terrible too. ): I will revise and repost!
valeriadavila01 9 / 17 2  
Dec 30, 2012   #10
Thank you so much for your input on my essay!
Honestly, there's nothing I could say about yours..It's amazing and very well-written!
I can hear voice and feel the different emotions you put in here

Good luck! :)

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