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Posts by Atalla
Joined: Jan 18, 2013
Last Post: Jan 21, 2013
Threads: 2
Posts: 5  
From: Canada

Displayed posts: 7
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Atalla   
Jan 20, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS-Is it important to allocate part of school resources for & music education ? [6]

Some people believe it is important to allocate part of school resources for art and music education even if this means spending less money and time on academics.

Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of devoting a portion of the school day and school funds to art and music education.

Education in its general sense is a form of learning in which knowledge, skills, and habits are transferred from one generation to the other. There is a debate on the various aspects of education in which school resources should be allocated. Some believe that it is unwise to consume school resources on art and music, while others think that they are not less significant than academic education. Each party has its own justification.

Those who support the allocation of part of school funds on art and music, are confident that these will help build up the new generation's personalities. They strengthen their spirits, improves motivation, concentration, and clear their minds with the result of more efficient performance and outcome in their academic classes. Art is a crucial element in the history of all civilizations. Although art does not solve problems, it makes us aware of their existence. Music can connect people more deeply to the world and open them to new ways of seeing.

On the other hand, some believe that deducting from school resources and spending on art and music education is a waste of money. Also, they consider devoting a portion of the school day to these activities will be a waste of money. They evaluate the outcome of the educational process by the final grades their children get in pure academic subjects. In addition, they are afraid of the negative impact some kinds of modern music have on their children. Also, they are convinced that both art and music are extracurricular activities that should be optionally provided outside the school time.

In my opinion, I consider art and music education essential elements in bringing up a healthy, sensational, well organized, and at the same time highly educated generation. Instead of trying to ban resources and time spend at school on these subjects, we should figure out ways to raise school funds.
Atalla   
Jan 20, 2013
Writing Feedback / ( IELTS essay) computer games good or bad for children? [8]

joythblessy
I think there is nothing left for me to give feedback on, except for the last sentence.
(by considering it's cons in their lives) ---There is no apostrophe ( by considering its cons in their lives)

Keep it up
Atalla   
Jan 19, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS- Families shouldn't pay taxes if not sending children to government schools [6]

[b]Families who do not send their children to government-financed schools should not be required to pay taxes that support universal education.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Education is the main concern of every family raising up children, there is an argument about whether those who do not send their children to a government-financed schools should pay taxes that support universal education or not. I believe that all families should participate in paying taxes for many reasons that will be explained.

First, government-financed schools are available to all the community members, regardless of their financial status, and it is up to each family to decide what type of education they opt for their children. Some families may prefer their children to join private schools even if this applies a burden on their budget; they sacrifice for the sake of their children's career. So, in this case some may say that it will be unfair if they are obliged to pay taxes to support universal education. I have a friend of mine who used to send his children to private schools, and all of a sudden he had a financial crisis that led him to withdraw his kids the private to a public school. Thus, there is no guarantee that any one will afford the cost of private schools.

Secondly, we all live in one community even if we do not gain direct benefit from government-financed schools Indirectly we will be affected by the level of graduates of these schools, engineers. doctors, plumbers and firefighters, all provide valuable services, based on the training they receive in public schools.

To sum up, supporting universal education by paying taxes, even if we don't send our children to public schools, is mandatory. It emphasizes the notion that community solidarity is an important virtue in strengthening the ties between individuals.

I would appreciate it if you give me a feedback on this essay
Atalla   
Jan 19, 2013
Writing Feedback / (IELTS essay) inborn talents vs trained talents. [7]

ash5005
can only be achieved by genetically, can only be achieved genetically

there is no play of continual training, there is no role of continual training
Atalla   
Jan 19, 2013
Writing Feedback / ( IELTS essay) education can reduce the number of criminals? [13]

I am completely agree, correct: I completely agree.
It may leads , correct : It may lead
( a big problem may solve) , a big problem may be solved
(there by), thereby
(crazy for more things), craziness
(This may helps), This may help
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