Undergraduate / Traveling around China inspires me ; Wisconsin-Madison Why Engineering? [5]

This kind of essay is very difficult for me. Welcome harsh critique.

Tell us why you decided to apply to the University of Wisconsin-Madison. In addition, share with us the academic, extracurricular, or research opportunities you would take advantage of as a student. If applicable, provide details of any circumstance that could have had an impact on your academic performance and/or extracurricular involvement.

From the plain to the mountain, and so forth, for more than 1500 miles...That was what I saw in the jeep after we landed on Lhasa airport. Travel not only enriches my horizon but also always inspire me to achieve more. Even my attention to be an engineer was triggered by my journey to Tibet.

At the age of 12, I felt excited and dreadful. Summer there simulated to the winter of Guangzhou. Inside our jeep, there were only cookies and water, having a hot meal was hard to realize. The tyres were running on the mountainous roads, some of which were even rough dirt roads. When we encountered landslips, we got off the jeep and cleared the way with others self-driving travelers. The road opened was only wide enough for passing one jeep per time, next to me lay the cliff, I kept my eyes closing and waited for our turn to pass. I did not realize the leech until it sucked my blood and inflated as big as finger size. Except the dinners in Lhasa and terminal Chengdu, I ate almost nothing in the journey. Altitude Sickness tore me out at first. From the feeling of hungry, to stomachache, to no longer felling hungry, and to the external feeling of too hungry too want nothing to eat. There were many other difficulties I could not figure out one by one now. But appreciating the miracle and beauty of mother-nature in Tibetan brought my tiredness away. An idea of building a railway to connect the Tibet with outer world came up in my mind.The ambition to work as an engineer generated in my mind.

This can be childish. But traveling around China inspires me to study hard. I want to construct railways and bridges to connect the Shangri-la with the urban civilization. I want to improve the technology of Inner Mongolia. I want to learn how to develop the transportation which did a good job in Shanghai of my hometown, Guangzhou.

When I was learning about the programs in Madison's campus, I was extremely attracted by Hilldale Undergraduate/Faculty Research Fellowships. It reminds my dream during my childhood. Studying gets involved in travel will encourages me to better my academic performance. I am sure that it will develop my teamwork and inspire me to work hard in the research with the help of effective ways. I will fight for the Fellowships and I believe I can perfect myself during this process. Studying in University of Wisconsin-Madison fulfilled my commitments to get involved in engineering. More importantly, it gives an opportunity for me to make a magnificent life in the future.

The ending is kind of stupid. Should I seperate another para in order to conclude my idea clearly? I hope your suggestion!
Thanks!

Undergraduate / Chinese chess; U Wisconsin-Madison/ Gone Unnoticed [4]

The Chinese Chess Game

I am very happy to find this forum!

Statement One:
Consider something in your life you think goes unnoticed and write about why it's important to you.

For many young people, playing Chinese chess is the hobby of the elderly. For me, the special chess that full of Chinese traditional culture and stimulates me to spare time and effort is Chinese chess. In this 12-year chess learning, I improved my skill. More importantly, I realize that something essential which was cultivated in my learning to play chess became a spiritual prop of my development and enthusiasm. That is my thirst of knowledge.

Approximately from Grade1, I started to play Chinese chess with myself, and then played with elderly people who gathered in community public places. I still remember the first time I took courage to ask a grandpa to play chess with me. But he actually didn't want to play with me after two games of chess because of my poorness. I felt unhappy and complaining. Why could he not understand my position? I was just a kid. For a 6-year-old boy, it's hard to bear off this blow. So I stood by the side aggrievedly with tears and watched. Sometimes I stood for entire day. My keen to play chess made me keep learning myself. Gradually, I had my own methods to learn Chinese chess. I bought many books about Chinese chess, cut down the weekly chess column from newspapers, and asked the grandpas how to win the certain chessboard. I didn't realize that why I had gained these methods. All I knew was I want to improve my skill.

Then there came the first time I won the grandpas. My skill in Chinese chess kept improving that I far surpassed my peers. I even participated in the Chinese Chess competition in Guangdong province. But my failure in the Chinese chess contest final made me upset. The very point that led me to failure came from negligence in broader perspective and my eagerness to win. Such a guilty of negligence worked as a reminding to me in the following contests. I became prone to sort out the principal contradiction and secondary contradiction in the chessboard, think more and more when playing chess with the grandpas, and maintain a mental serenity whenever I win or lose. Gradually, I managed to deal with which part to accept or reject so as to calm down in any coming contest and grasp the overall situation.

Now, I form my own perspective. What I want in my childhood is knowledge about Chinese chess. Although my thirst of gaining these methods goes unnoticed, I finally did a good job. Finding my shortness in my contest encourages me to do my best during my growing up. I persist changing myself through the contests. Ultimately, my long for ameliorating my clumsiness empowers me to reach my success.

In retrospect, Chinese chess has brought me more than just fun. It seemed to make a difference of my life. I never knew that why I could get a great grade and win a competition before. But now I think my thirst of enriching myself is one of the main reasons.

This is my essay. Do you think my main idea is not very clear? Or the stucture is vague? Pls give some advices to my essay.Thank you!