Posts by bman47

bman47

Mar 15, 2013

Speeches / Possible Debate Subject and Presentation Topic; Need advice [5]

You have a solid lists because of the variety it consists of. Here are my thoughts on your list.

- The animal testing is a good one because of how current it is and the argument both sides would be able to produce due to the amount of research that has been done.

- I think the economy is a touchy subject based on the countless debate topics you could discuss. I personally wouldn't choose this because of the possibility of not submitting anything that stood out to them. It would just be another summary of what we hear everyday.

- The Global Warming is also another one I wouldn't choose unless I was able to really make it stand out. Much like the economy suggestion, it has been covered immensely in the past years.

- I like this one but I wouldn't put it as bad kids and bad parents but more "Are kids more likely to act out if their parents are not supportive" or maybe even "if the parents are separated."

- I'm not sure I fully understand this one. I think this one ties in to the Global Warming question. However, maybe you could use something along the lines of "Are we overusing this planets resources?"

- The space exploration is a great one too with all the closures and developments that have happened in the past year.

Hope this helps and good luck!

bman47

Mar 15, 2013

Essays / Reflective Essay; need advice write this essay [5]

I believe your essay is headed in the proper direction and clearly answers your stated questions above. However, I think you still need to fine tune your thesis of this essay as well as letting it flow more naturally. Your sentences seem to be relatively short and could be combined to strengthen your supporting details. Additionally, your essay could gain much more strength if your incorporated more descriptive words. Some word that could be changed are "good", "bad", "fully" and so on. Lastly, please, please reconsider writing this sentence:

"It sounds repetitive and like there was nothing else to say."

Good Luck!

bman47

Mar 15, 2013

Undergraduate / It is truly a breathtaking moment ; Transfer application [5]

Hey everyone! I am applying to transfer to another college and just need some last minute feedback on my essay for the application. The prompt is quite simple and I like the direction my essay is in, but my main fear is something sounds off or my conventions need some help. Thanks again in advance for the help!

Stanford students possess an intellectual vitality. Reflect on an idea or experience that has been important to your intellectual development.

It is truly a breathtaking moment when one becomes aware of his or her passion. For some it happens in a matter of seconds as they are captivated by what they have been subjected to. Others, like myself, realize that their passion has always surrounded them but just needed time to fully reveal itself. My love for design, architecture, and engineering began it's revelation through a series of numerous school projects. In high school, I was presented with the challenge of constructing a bridge made entirely out of toothpicks that could withhold a maximum weight of ten pounds. The next month with my group members consisted of various design drawings, crucial precise measuring, and a plethora of trial and error experimentation. Our end result was successful, but the true joy came from the principles of teamwork, planning, and critical thinking acquired that day.

Throughout high school, I obtained and applied a significant amount of academic lessons. However, it was my first year engineering course in college that truly tested my intellectual capabilities. My objective was to produce fifteen volts with a self-sustaining form of wind, water, or solar energy made with the materials provided. It was a one person project and the pressure to demonstrate my intelligence was distinctly apparent. I spent the last half of the semester researching, observing wind, water, and solar behaviors, and perfecting my final design. The outcome of my project produced seventeen volts with the use of the solar panels I assembled. Ultimately, the importance of self-determination, accountability, and patience taken will be forever ingrained in my journey to become an elite civil engineer.

These experiences have instilled within me the idea to consistently push my limits and strengthen my knowledge and enthusiasm for what I love. I believe our dreams and passions are what make us unique individuals, and having others there to encourage and assist us is truly a blessing.

bman47

Mar 15, 2013

Speeches / Speech abour myself; Need ideas! [5]

It would be much more helpful if we knew what the speech was for but here are some general ideas to use when writing a speech about yourself.

- First, outline yourself. Write down your strengths, your weaknesses, your interests, and your past experiences that have formed you into the person you are today.

- Write about something you feel good about and could tell anyone. Your speech should display full confidence and show your audience you know what your talking about without constantly looking at your paper.

- Don't over do it, but highlight yourself and what you have taken from your past experiences with the subject. How has it developed you and what has it taught you?

Hopefully this advice serves as a solid starting point for your speech. Also, remember to have fun with it, you don't want to sound unconfident or be uncomfortable when giving a speech about yourself. Good luck!

bman47

Mar 15, 2013

Essays / i need to write a horror story for english. i need ideas on starting it off! [7]

When you say a horror story, does it have to be a typical one that consist of fear of some unknown element?(monster, murderer, etc.) Of course everyone loves a terrifying Stephen King horror story, but I think it would be great for your teacher to see another side of fear that most don't think about. Possibly, fear of the future, fear of failure, and so on. I think it would be beneficial to think outside the box on this one. As far as your setup (not to be too harsh), It's not realistic, it doesn't instill a true sense of fear in the reader. You want real fear which calls for a realistic situation, not just some random knock on the door. Give the story more foundation, such as maybe your watching the news and see a news report on a murderer on the loose, or that you can hear the sirens of countless cops outside slowly getting closer. Hopefully, this was helpful and good luck.

bman47

Mar 13, 2013

Undergraduate / You can expect me to be studying hard in the room; Stanford roommate essay prompt [4]

Thanks for the feedback Didgeridoo, I didn't realize how many simple mistakes I had made, but that's the best part of getting a second perspective. Also, I couldn't help but laugh uncontrollably after reading your female difficulties comment and then reading mine over constantly. To answer your question, I am a guy who experiences the the occasional problems associating and understanding girls much like all guys, but the fact that you are unable to tell causes questions for concern. I will definitely get rid of that portion and will most likely put something related to my varsity quarterback experiences. Thanks again.

bman47

Mar 13, 2013

Undergraduate / You can expect me to be studying hard in the room; Stanford roommate essay prompt [4]

Hey Everyone! I have been working on this essay for a few days now and my deadline is within a few days so I thought why not get some last minute feedback? As far as the essay goes it's quite self explanatory. However, after reading many others, it seems that most people have different takes on it. I have seen that you shouldn't brag about your grades, recommendations, etc. because this is the time for you to show the admission officer a little bit of who you are outside of your busy academic life. Alternatively, I've seen that you shouldn't completely convey your full crazy side or that you shouldn't try to be someone your not which I completely agree with. So here is my end product that hopefully is somewhere in between. Additionally, if you find any typos or something that just looks wrong, a notice would be tremendously appreciated. Thanks in advance for the feedback as well!

Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. Write a note to your future roommate that reveals something about you or that will help your roommate - and us - know you better.

Dear future Roommate,

If you haven't already noticed, I addressed you as a proper noun due to your level of importance as I expect both of us to play significant roles in our time here at Stanford. My intent for this note is that I am able to convey a little bit of who I am so that with any luck, we are able to eliminate that awkward moment in our first meet. First off, I love to listen and talk about anything, with absolutely no limits on a conversation. The relationship we develop should be unbreakable, and as my experiences as a peer mentor for freshmen in high school as well as a peer mediator, having that constant dialogue between us will get us there.

Life so far has shown me to constantly keep busy in order to be productive, therefore you can expect me to be studying hard in the room, working with an engineering organization, or exercising at the gym. Be that as it may, you can equally expect me to play hard by embracing my surroundings, such as exploring the town for new routes to run, finding local venues for upcoming concerts, and taking advantage of the sensational Stanford community to meet new people. These are only some activities I wish for you to be apart of in hope that you introduce me to various new experiences as well. I undoubtedly know we will have similar interests in common and look forward to numerous discussions about architecture, music, design, sports, style, engineering, and unfortunately, our occasional female difficulties.

Regrettably, you will also cross some of my flaws. This may include, but is not limited to, my many references and impersonations of my favorite films and a tendency to perfect little details of my living space. However, I am willing to look past your imperfections if you can too.

It is with much hope that I was successfully able to display who I am, and I look forward to the day we meet in person along with establishing our everlasting friendship with a solid, firm handshake.

Respectfully,
"My name"