Undergraduate / I completely failed, just as I had predicted; UC -OVERCOMING FAILURE [2]

Hi! Please help! I am going to submit it soon, but I'd like some feedback because I feel like there is something missing with this essay. Thank you! Please read it over and tell me what you think(:

Prompt: Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud, and how does it relate to the person you are?

I anxiously rubbed my sweaty hands on my jeans as I inhaled and exhaled deeply, attempting to prepare myself for the speech I was expected to deliver in only minutes. My confidence diminished as I watched other students give their speeches. I berated myself for deciding to run for treasurer for the California Scholarship Federation, an academic club in my school. All I could think about was how I was going to embarrass myself in front of all my peers because I was not as comfortable giving speeches as everyone else seemed. I had always been afraid of failing; I did not want to disappoint my parents and failure always made me feel worthless. By the time it was my turn to speak, I was ready to bolt out of the library. With great reluctance, I walked up to the front to give my speech. I felt mortified as I hurriedly mumbled an incoherent mesh of words.

I completely failed, just as I had predicted. Yet, no one ridiculed me like I had feared. As time passed, the embarrassment faded away. For a while I did feel depressed about what happened, but my parents were still proud of me. They told me to just try again next time, and I chose to move on. I chose to stop being depressed over it because I realized that ultimately, though I cannot control what others think, I can choose to change what I think about myself. I started to stop tying my happiness with success. In the end, I was glad I had given that speech. Running for treasurer motivated me to try and run again the next year for Second Vice President because I lost my fear of failure. And because of presentations in class and practicing on my own part, I became more confident with my speaking skills. This time, I delivered the speech confidently and won the position. Through this failure, I learnt not to always beat myself up for failing.

Undergraduate / Mother inspiration, Artificial world - Stanford - Intellectual Vitality [8]

Hi guys! Please please please help me!! I am applying to Stanford through Questbridge, and the application is due tonight!!! If you help, I will help you (:

What matters to you, and why? (250 word limit.)
My mother is my inspiration; I wish I could be more like her. She makes minimum wage as a waitress at a dim sum restaurant. Having never gone to college herself, she is the one that pushes me to do better in school and attain a higher education. She does not want me to end up having a job like hers. Even though we are low-income, my mother has never made me feel like it. She has done so much for me; she was the one who got me a piano teacher, who got me into Chinese school and got me tutoring when I was younger and struggling in classes. When my dad got a stroke, she quit work to take care of him. My father was angry because of his condition and sometimes would take it out on her; in one of their worst fights, he yelled that they should get a divorce. Despite all that, she stuck by his side. My dad and I have always had a rocky relationship. The littlest of things can set him off and when that happens, he says the most awful things. As a result, I sometimes would just really detest him. I told my mom about my feelings, and she said to not focus on all his negative characteristics. At first I was angry that she was defending him, but eventually I realized she was right. No matter what, he is my father and I love him. My dad cooks my favorite foods, worries about me, nags me, and brags about me. He does care about me, in his own way. My family is what matters to me most. (278)

Stanford students possess an intellectual vitality. Reflect on an idea or experience that has been important to your intellectual development. (250 word limit.)
The idea that we can make an artificial world similar to our own is very interesting. I first became interested in virtual reality when I watched a show in which the main characters were trapped in a highly realistic virtual reality game. I started to really wonder about both the feasibility and the practical applications of virtual environments, and started to research on the subject. To me, it is amazing that scientists and engineers are trying to create a world like ours. It seems almost impossible to make a highly realistic three-dimensional world where the user can see, feel, hear touch and smell, a world in which the user can interact with the environment and speak to computer programs that emulate real people. However, virtual environments are still not very sophisticated as of today. Enhancing virtual reality is a great engineering challenge, which is why it intrigues me greatly. For example, how does one reproduce the sense of touch or smell? What is also amazing is that virtual reality also has practical applications. It has been used to treat mental-health disorders, aid physical and mental rehabilitation, and train healthcare providers. I would love to develop and experience a realistic virtual environment. I not only want to satisfy my curiosity but help others through the creation of a refined virtual environment.

(228)

I am especially worried with my intellectual vitality essay. Did I answer the prompt correctly??? Do I show "intellectual vitality" (whatever that is? I am not quite sure) ?

Scholarship / Quest for Excellence Awards:Science and Technology Award [3]

Hi guys! This is due tomorrow so I could really use some help! (And, I'll help you w/ your essays if you help me with mine! (: )

Question: Please describe why you are interested in a career in science and technology. What would you hope to achieve by pursuing this career, and what particular issues would you be most interested in addressing? (300 word limit)

I am interested in a career in science and technology because I love science. I have loved it ever since I was a child. As a child, I was always curious. I wanted to know about everything. I remember asking my mom where babies came from and if I could have one. She told me " Babies come from trash cans..." I asked my cousin what humans were made of and she replied "We're made of stars," which I later found out is actually true. I still have that insatiable thirst for knowledge. Also, I excelled in math and science at school. So, I loved science and it was my forte. I wanted to become a scientist, the kind that discovered new facts about the universe and its laws and such. However, several years ago, all of that changed. My dad had a hemorrhagic stroke. I remember that just after his stroke, my dad couldn't even walk, write, go to the bathroom, and so on. My mom did not go to work just to take care of him. It was an extremely dark time in my life. I hated how everyone who knew about it seemed to pity our family. My dad would get so angry sometimes about his condition. He and my mom would get into screaming matches. Now, after rehabilitation, he can walk, but very slowly, and he cannot use his left hand, so he cannot drive and many daily functions are difficult for him. Therefore, he has to rely on my mom and I often.After knowing what my dad and my family have gone through, I decided to become a different kind of scientist. I want to find out better treatments for stroke and paralysis. (289 words)

What do you guys think? How can I improve it?

Scholarship / My Mom/ Origami/My dad's stroke; Questbridge College Prep Scholarship [5]

List and describe three unique factors that have most shaped who you are (any obstacles you have faced or passions you have developed are especially relevant).

Factor 1: My Mom

My mom has played a huge role in shaping who I am. She works for minimum wage, so she is always telling me to do well in school so I can have a brighter future. Whenever I feel down about school, I think about how I will be successful in the future if I do well there, and then I feel motivated to excel in academics. My mom is also very kind and compassionate, always looking for the best in others like my father, which inspires me to be like her. My mom is my role model.

Factor 2: Origami

Origami is my passion. I am fascinated by how just a single square of paper can be transformed into a beautiful work of art. Folding origami can take several hours, involving a vast number of steps. I remember that when I started out folding, I would be frustrated because the process seemed so lengthy, but later on, I came to love figuring out how to fold complex origami models. And, the result of my efforts was always worth it. I learned to become more patient and learned to appreciate art more since I knew how much work it involved.

Factor 3: My dad's stroke

When my dad had a stroke, it truly felt like my family was never going to be happy again. My dad couldn't walk and he was so angry and bitter. I had never felt so utterly helpless. But ,after months of physical therapy, my dad could walk again, though he couldn't use his left hand. Gradually, our family became happy again, after much effort. For example, my mom would drive my dad to anywhere he wanted and I would spend more time with him. I learned that even after such a horrendous ordeal, we could be happy again.

If you could change one thing about your community, what would you change and why?
I would change the way students behave at school. Education is extremely significant to me because by educating myself, I am battling ignorance and paving the path to a better future for myself. And yet, I see many of my fellow peers just throwing their education away. They don't pay attention in class and do poorly on tests because they never study. I want to change my fellow peers' attitudes toward school. I feel like if we can get more students to care about their education, then we won't have this education crisis in America.

Tell me what you think? How can I improve them?