Unanswered [9] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by Foriya
Name: Foriya Cole
Joined: Oct 14, 2013
Last Post: Nov 10, 2013
Threads: 2
Posts: 12  
Likes: 7
From: Ghana

Displayed posts: 14
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Foriya   
Nov 10, 2013
Writing Feedback / United States is rated average in education ; something goes unnoticed [2]

In my opinion i don't think you have said anything about something in your life that you think goes unnoticed.It should be personal.You have spoken a lot on the general effects of teachers and given some statistics but you should relate it more to yourself.You sound like you are criticising how teachers are regarded in the US in comparison to other countries.
Foriya   
Nov 7, 2013
Undergraduate / "My Near Death Experience" Failure Common App Essay [3]

This essay elaborates strongly on the failure you experienced.But how it affected you and the lessons you learnt are not well discussed.Talk alittle more on that and this essay would be good.
Foriya   
Oct 21, 2013
Undergraduate / GLOBAL ISSUE : EDUCATION [3]

The essay is okay.But it should hit.For this program at Penn a little more work needs to be done to make this outstanding.

Globally, not only is the quality of education inefficient, but the access to education remains unequal between sexes, races, and social classes, creating a steep fissure in societies.

I guess the global issue here has to do with education?Your first paragraph however focuses on a domestic educational issue you have realised.Your disscussion does not have a much global standpoint.And don't forget that your disscussion must be In light of your personal interests in language, business, and international affairs, ...the issue should not necessarily be something from your country.It could be from any nation.an issue that has got the whole world thinking,one that resonates with your ideas as well.You should demonstrate a comand over the topic focus on and a passion to utilise all the huntsman program has to offer.

I hope my feedback is not too late.
Good luck :)
Foriya   
Oct 20, 2013
Undergraduate / 'In my society standing up to the elderly' Work experience. What do you think? [5]

Hi, thanks for your comments.I am using stand up to as an idiom which means to take a stand against someone or something,to hold one's ground or principles in the face of a challenge by someone or something.

So I meant challenging an elderly.In this respect is my point clearer?
I would still work on the advice you have given and post again.Thanks a lot.
Foriya   
Oct 16, 2013
Undergraduate / My mattress ; Common App ; Environment - perfectly content [3]

The bedroom scenario as a place of absolute peace is quite typical.It would help if you could find some place that would make you essay standout among other writers on this prompt.Or you can present your essay in a unique form while focusing less on the chaos and bringing in more imagery and you emphasize why this haven is meaningful to you.

I hope this helps.Good luck :)
Foriya   
Oct 16, 2013
Undergraduate / 'In my society standing up to the elderly' Work experience. What do you think? [5]

Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below. (250 words max)
I just wrote this i want to know if this idea is okay.All corrections and suggestions are welcome.Thank you in advance.

In my society standing up to the elderly is the greatest form of disrespect of the child. I am an African girl, being assertive isn't a good attribute especially in a provision store's sales girl. When the elderly insist that items be sold to them at cheaper prices ,refusing merits condescending stares and derogatory remarks .Or sometimes the usual saying ," enti w'anto me so??"(In Akan) or "owoo nn)"(in Ga), asking me to add more onto the actual quantity they paid for. This is common in the sale of corn or cassava dough, gari, fish, peppers and tomatoes, items with no proper unit to match quantity to price, but not for foods in sachets or tins.

I wake up each day to clean and arrange my work area, serve little children who come around and most often forget what they have been sent to buy. Endure this subtle form of bullying from the elderly under culture that enforces humility and downplays assertiveness.

After it all I am assertive in the most polite way imaginable. Refusing many requests of the elderly and still not getting into trouble with my culture in which the adult is never wrong. These experiences kindled every bit of my patience, respect, tolerance and above all maturity in my dealings with people. Be it young or old.(220 words)
Foriya   
Oct 15, 2013
Undergraduate / School & Atlanta communities; Georgia Tech/ Contribution to community [5]

Georgia Tech engineering is unparalleled (give your reasons for this statement) I would take advantage of the extensive research materials available to me. (preferably, you should highlight a particular research program that draws you to Geargia tech)

I would get involved in both the school and Atlanta communities by joining service clubs and seeking out volunteer opportunities, a true passion of mine. (mention some previous volunteer activities of yours that demonstrate this passion rather than just stating that volunteering is a true passion of yours)And show clearly how you would contribute to the Georgia tech community,maybe you hope to start some club or do a particular research that on a topic or situation that makes you tick.

This essay is well written but vague.You should be more specific that would be a way better response.
I hope this helps.Good luck. ;)
Foriya   
Oct 15, 2013
Undergraduate / arts and sciences - Northwestern application essay (250 words) [6]

Also the Weinberg College of arts and sciences provides an innumerable amount of possible classes .This is a characteristic of most colleges of arts and sciences.I doubt it counts as a unique quality of Northwestern's college of arts and sciences.Try to read more about the Weinberg college I am sure you would find something quite unique that makes you tick.

Mentioning its location as a factor would definitely count as unique if its setting is one of a kind and there are very few or preferably no other colleges that meets the specifications you stated.I hope my suggestions help and you are welcome.

Check out my threads when you can.Thank you too in advance.
Foriya   
Oct 14, 2013
Scholarship / Questbirdge/ why you are interested in a career in science and technology [2]

I am really eager to go into the medical field with the hopes that I will one day be able to help patients and maybe even come up with a cure for a certain disease.

Yes I think it is too vague.You could probably be more specific about your contribution to a medical cure related to sickle cell anaemia because of the pain your friend has endured in the past.
Foriya   
Oct 14, 2013
Undergraduate / In my vicinity rife with laborers, masons and carpenters, finding manpower is no problem [4]

Technology for conservation of natural resources



Hi i have restructured the whole essay.I am looking forward to study towards a career in environmental studies with focus on accessibility of solar and wind powered electricity as well as water conservation and green living.I would like to know if i am getting my point across properly in this essay.

In my vicinity rife with laborers, masons and carpenters, finding manpower to help execute my plans is no problem. With my I have a dream-like speeches, I get the help needed. We dug out channels to direct rain into deep quarrying pits and unused sewage pits to store water for the dry season and minimize the flooding of our valley when it rains. But there is more I want to do. I think about the intensity of heat in the dry season and abundant sun during the day and the winds that run from the mountains through our valley and I yearn for a time when we can fully utilize these resources.

I am the girl nicknamed akukuru bini (the dung beetle in my local dialect); I collect cattle droppings for our farm and sell some to other farmers. I am the take it apart and try to fix it girl. When mum saved for a second hand diesel generator to light a few bulbs at night during the rainy season, it did not last past a week. I opened the crankcase and tried to repair the problem I didn't know. I couldn't figure how to get the generators rotor off the engines output shaft. A look inside the machine made me wonder what goes on in here. I had made too many assumptions with my little knowledge from high school electronic physics lessons and realized I was clearly not prepared enough to take on a second hand diesel generator.

I am lover of rain. I love a good snuggle on a rainy night, listening to the rain drops and feeling the showers cool my skin as they smash through the insect mesh netting windows. In a heavy rain storm my mum my sister and I put out the candles and sit round the lantern and tell stories to keep our mind of the fact that the water soaks probably a lot of our clothes. Though rain causes misery, it causes the total opposite to me. I am the there must be a better way to do this kind of girl. I enjoy watching the crowd of water run down the wooden channels I constructed along the roof into the collecting buckets (a maximized output as compared to before when we would align the buckets along the edge of the roof). I am happy when it's all dark and gloomy with rain pelting down. I love cold weather with big, heavy rain drops amidst lots of blustery wind that makes the trees sway and the clouds race across the sky. It just brings the world to life!!

In the world I come from when it's a month past the end of the dry season and there is no sign of rain, all the grass is brown and the corn and other crops we have planted wilt. I read stories about how people challenge the boundaries of their knowledge and understanding and forge on to convert their dreams into celebrated reality. My dream is to repair and live to fully utilize the sun and rain. I have read about the benefits technology in the efficient utilization and conservation of natural resources and I want to understand the technology, innovate and contribute to new developmentsto improve accessibility of s

I got stuck at the conclusion but i would work on that.Please lend me your suggestions, advice and critiques.Thank you in advance.
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