Undergraduate / Another Columbia Supp. Essay- My academic interest [2]

The prompt is to write about any personal experiences that have influenced your academic interests. I wrote about a very personal topic. I am wondering if this is appropriate and, if so, what should I fix?

The blank spot is for the name of the girl I'm writing about. I'm unsure if I should include her real name.

Her name is ______. She joined the cross country team in tenth grade without serious ambition. She tried her best in practice and in meets, but she initially joined the team to socialize rather than compete.

By all accounts, she was just like me when I was first introduced to cross country. An ex-soccer player, I didn't have any expectations or goals for myself when I decided to give it a try in tenth grade. After I realized success, however, I found myself consumed by a competitive world of records and statistics. I became engrossed in an obsession with winning and improving. I found myself entrenched in an extreme diet and training regimen that compromised my health, relationships, and happiness.

After psychological and physical treatment, I finally overcame my eating disorder. By the time I was midway through my junior year, I discovered greater success and happiness when I became free from my dangerous perfectionism.

However, ____ became a reflection of my eating disordered self as she began to achieve athletic success. I attempted to share with her some of the knowledge I gained through my own struggles, but I found myself at a loss with how to make a meaningful impression.

I consider myself fortunate to be free from my obsessive behavior; free to eat ice cream with my friends, to take days off from exercise when I'm tired or sore, to think of other things besides my next cross country race. This is what I want for ____ and for the countless others who have sacrificed their health and happiness to eating disorders. It is for this reason that I have an interest in pursuing an education in psychology, so that I might be able to allow others gripped by obsession to realize the freedom I now enjoy.

Undergraduate / New York was a part of my life; Columbia U - most appealling about Columbia [3]

A part of my writing supplement! The question asks what you find . I still have a few questions left, but I was wondering if there are any specific mistakes I'm making that I should keep in mind as I continue...I'm also wondering if my writing has a good enough theme, and if it's unique enough...thanks for the help!

My father had been a member of the NYFD for as long as I could remember, so New York was a part of my life since a young age. As a child living the suburbs of Long Island, I was smitten by the urban grandeur of nearby New York. Visualizing the Triborough Bridge looming over the water, standing tall and proud before the visage of the beautiful city was an image I found whimsical and compelling. Glamorous fantasies of the metropolis were a staple of my childhood daydreams.

My fixation with the city was originally based primarily in childlike awe, but my interpretation of New York and what it represents matured as I grew older. New York is a cultural, technological and intellectual center, and Columbia University is like a cell within in the tissue of this living city. Embedded within the very fibers of the vast community, Columbia possess invaluable access to the resources and opportunities the city presents. Streets run like veins throughout New York, and the drive to achieve is the lifeblood that vitalizes Columbia and the community around it.

What I find most appealing about Columbia University is the challenging academic atmosphere coupled with an extensive network established between students and the professional world as a result of the university's close relationship with New York. Because of these two unique characteristics, I would experience a fulfilling and exciting education throughout my college years and look forward to a productive and rewarding career after I graduate. I look forward to participating in the tradition at Columbia while creating a treasurable relationship with my peers, my professors, and the city of New York.