ving96 2 / 3 1 Oct 30, 2013 #1A part of my writing supplement! The question asks what you find . I still have a few questions left, but I was wondering if there are any specific mistakes I'm making that I should keep in mind as I continue...I'm also wondering if my writing has a good enough theme, and if it's unique enough...thanks for the help!My father had been a member of the NYFD for as long as I could remember, so New York was a part of my life since a young age. As a child living the suburbs of Long Island, I was smitten by the urban grandeur of nearby New York. Visualizing the Triborough Bridge looming over the water, standing tall and proud before the visage of the beautiful city was an image I found whimsical and compelling. Glamorous fantasies of the metropolis were a staple of my childhood daydreams.My fixation with the city was originally based primarily in childlike awe, but my interpretation of New York and what it represents matured as I grew older. New York is a cultural, technological and intellectual center, and Columbia University is like a cell within in the tissue of this living city. Embedded within the very fibers of the vast community, Columbia possess invaluable access to the resources and opportunities the city presents. Streets run like veins throughout New York, and the drive to achieve is the lifeblood that vitalizes Columbia and the community around it.What I find most appealing about Columbia University is the challenging academic atmosphere coupled with an extensive network established between students and the professional world as a result of the university's close relationship with New York. Because of these two unique characteristics, I would experience a fulfilling and exciting education throughout my college years and look forward to a productive and rewarding career after I graduate. I look forward to participating in the tradition at Columbia while creating a treasurable relationship with my peers, my professors, and the city of New York.
tiffanyerivera 1 / 1 Oct 30, 2013 #2I enjoyed the metaphorical relationship you created with Columbia and the living things inside the body. At this point I would question what you chose as your major and if it is dealing with the connections of these tissues, I would like to read about how the resemblance of Columbia to this sparks a passion for what you want to pursue.Overall, I think this is a beautifully written piece about the inspirational cultural that the city in which Columbia is found provides and I can imagine that you will be a very prosperous student here
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592 Nov 3, 2013 #3Well.... this is good writing indeed. However, your prompt asks you what is the most appealing thing about Colombia. You start off with its location, New York and we get the impression that you love its location the most. Then you say;What I find most appealing about Columbia University is the challenging academic atmosphere coupled with an extensive network established between students and the professional world as a result of the university's close relationship with New York.If this is what that appeals you the most, then you should have started off with this idea.
