Writing Feedback / School violence is one of the social issues that is demanding corrective attention [7]

Hello everybody. Please give some comments on my essay so that I can know how to improve my writing skill. Any help will be highly appreciated. Thank you in advance.

Topic:School violence is one of the social issues these days that is demanding corrective attention every passing day. What do you think? Write about 350 words to discuss and suggest the solutions (and do not include your personal information).

In our modern times, school violence has become an alarming phenomemon that can have a deleterious effect on students. Therefore, urgent action needs to be taken in order to resolve this complicated matter. In my opinion, it is crucial that both parents and teachers should join hands so that the issue can be minimized.

To begin with, it is undeniable that school violence is becoming more and more prevalent in many places nowadays. Through access to the Internet, we can easily find out many pictures and video clips showing students hurting each other. In some cases, they even used dangerous weapons like knives to harm other students. It is reported that many students were severely injured or even killed as a consequence of school violence.

Undoubtedly, school violence can pose a variety of repercussions. First, it may result in the deterioration in students' mental and physical health. Those who are the victims of it often have to suffer great pains, become disabled or even lose their lives. Moreover, it also gives rise to immense sorrow for the victims' parents. Besides, school violence may induce an increase in crime rates, as disruptive students are very likely to offend.

As far as I am concerned, the following solutions can be effective in ameliorating the matter. First, teachers should organize more discussions about school violence in order to raise students' awareness about the problem. Once they know clearly about the adverse influence of it, they may be less likely to resort to violence with other students. In addition, strict regulations should be implemented to punish those who behave violently. Second, parents should be more supporive of their children. Students sometimes cannot make right decisions and eventually behave wrongly because they are not mature enough. Therefore, parents should spend more time trying to understand their children better and assisting them to surmount their difficulties.

In conclusion, school violence is in itself a very complex issue having many negative effects, and therefore needs to be dealt with as soon as possible. I firmly believe that parents and teachers play a key role in resolving this intricate problem.

Writing Feedback / IELTS; Universities should not provide so much theoretical knowledge [2]

TOPIC: Some people think that universities should not provide so much theoretical knowledge but give more practical training throughout their courses.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

It is generally accepted that universities are the very places where students can obtain profound knowledge of the fields they are following, and that both theoretical knowledge and practical experience are essential for their future career. However, there is some controversy among people about whether or not universities should place less emphasis on theoretical knowledge and more on practical training throughout their courses .In fact, this issue is in itself a very complex one, and therefore should be taken into consideration carefully.

To begin with, nobody can argue that the acquisition of theoretical knowledge is very crucial, since this is the basis of practical training. In other words, students must have a good grasp of a subject before practising it in reality. Without basic knowledge, students may become unfamiliar with the subject, so they may run into difficulty when undergoing practical training. In addition, not all subjects can be taught by practical experiences, such as History or Mathematics.

However, it should be borne in mind that empirical research also plays a vital role in students' success at universities, as the ultimate aim of studying is to serve people's lives more and more efficiently. By way of illustration, job market always has a tendency to seek for people having more practical experience than those who only excel at theoretical knowledge. Besides, practical training is a very effective way to get useful experience that sometimes cannot be learnt from books. For example, students majoring in medicine must attend some practical training so that they can know more clearly about the real human body, thus leading to a slighter chance of making mistakes when they have to implement genuine operations in the future.

Taking everything into account, I strongly believe that both theoretical and empirical knowledge can bring about many great benefits. Therefore, it is important that universities should provide a well-balanced education attaching equal importance to both theory and practical training.

Writing Feedback / IELTS; Technology cannot solve all the world's problems! [8]

Hello everyone! I am a new member of this forum. I really love studying English and want to improve my writing skill. So I would be very appreciative if you could give some comments on my essays.

Topic:We live in a technological age. However, technology cannot solve all the world's problems. Therefore, some people argue that we need to place less emphasis on technological solutions and more on other values. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? You should use your own idea, knowledge and experience to support your argument with examples and relevant evidence.

In our modern times, with the development of science and technology, our living standard has been improved beyond recognition. Technology, however, is not the best solution to all the world's intricate problems. Accordingly, it is believed that we need to place less emphasis on technological solutions and more on other values, such as economy, politics and education. Personally, I partly disagree with this point of view, and the reasons are given below.

To begin with, it should be borne in mind that technology plays an integral part in our lives. With the invention of computers and the Internet, we now can get easy access to all kinds of information. In addition, hi-tech devices also have a very positive impact on many aspects of our lives. They help us to work and study more efficiently, thus leading to an improvement in our abilities. Medical advances can improve our health and cure many fatal diseases. Besides, modern technology enables us to predict natural disasters much faster and more accurately, so we can reduce the number of deaths and property damage.

However, there are some serious problems springing from modern technology. First, deadly and powerful weapons can be a huge threat to the world's peace. Second, a lot of people spend too much time using hi-tech devices nowadays. They abuse them so severely that they feel they can hardly live without them. This can have a detrimental effect on their health, since they are likely to develop many dangerous diseases, including obesity, heart attack and high blood-pressure.

In conclusion, although there is no disputing the fact that technology is very crucial for our lives, in can also result in several negative drawbacks. However, I strongly believe that its advantages clearly outweigh its disadvantages, and that it can contribute greatly to the development of the world. Therefore, scientists should not place less emphasis on technological solutions, but try to pay more attention to develop new technologies instead.

(322 words)