Writing Feedback / Hilary Clinton Facebook fan pages - my own writing prompt [2]

In the spirit of adventurous inquiry, pose a question of your own. If your prompt is original and thoughtful, then you should have little trouble writing a great essay. Draw on your best qualities as a writer, thinker, visionary, social critic, sage, citizen of the world, or future citizen of the University of Chicago; take a little risk, and have fun.

- If it were possible to alter the past, which event would you chose and why? This is not limited to hundreds of years ago to last week.

To alter history or to even view it would be every historians dream, however for a seventeen year old girl; there are so many places to start. If I were given the opportunity to travel in time and alter history for a positive outcome for my future now, I'd go back to 2008, the time of the presidential election.

I don't know everything there is to know about politics, but I know and I have observed enough to see what Barack Obama running and winning his first term has done to my community and peers. Since Obama has been in office, its like a rebirth has occurred within teens my age. Before twitter, we would flock to Facebook and make fan pages, post statuses, and try to be involved in any way possible. All of this was strange in all honesty. Teenagers interested in politics? There have never been chain text messages telling others to tune into CNN. I never thought I'd see the day. Four years later, the night President Barack Obama won his second term, kids from my area tuned in through social media outlets and television. It was practically a party on the internet. There were some who completely had no idea what they were talking about but regardless it was still amazing to see people show interest. Not everybody was a politics fanatic, or an Obama one for that matter, but hey at least they knew his name! Schools have been built behind his presidency, and student bodies have changed and showed interest and involvement in their government.

I'd like to know what would my community look like if Obama had not won. What if Hilary Clinton succeeded in running and winning for President? What effect would that have on my peers? I'd like to think it would be a similar reaction to Obama. Instead I would want a more feminine touch, women empowerment, and for the ladies to be involved. It's rare to see a young woman leading, showing they have a voice. Maybe because this is the south, and women are bred to be obedient and follow anyone but their own footsteps. If Hilary Clinton would have won the presidential race, I'd like to see her facebook fan pages, the Tumblr pages inspired by her, and empowerment. The unity of women is sometimes hard to find, but when its there it is impossible to break. Envision this; young women leading in school, encouraging those who look up to them to do the same. Wanting to be more than what their town can give them. Just to think young women my age, thinking outside of their "swag", outside parties, thinking bigger than high school. It's unfortunate not every young lady feels there is nothing for them outside these southern walls; however can you say a role model was even present to allow them to think that way? If Hilary Clinton would have taken home the win, I couldn't picture it any other way, women of my community on a "Yes we can!" mission, that's perfection. The United States may not have been ready for a female president, but I'd like to think my community was.

When Barack Obama won his first and second term, I knew there would be change in my community, but I never expected so much genuine concern for our country before until then. I believe if a woman would have won, I could expect positive social and political uprisings on behalf of women. That's one of my favorite things from that election, the unity. My community like thousands of others needs exactly that.

Undergraduate / 'Gifting other people' - Topic C lifetime goals etc etc. [5]

Considering your lifetime goals, discuss how your current and future academic and extra-curricular activities might help you achieve your goals.
I need some honest reviews for this essay! thanks in advice!

I have a strong belief in fate, not coincidences. When I was seven years old, my parents gifted me a toy doctor's kit. It gave me a role to play that I took with such pride and responsibility. I used every opportunity I had to take care of my family members. Soon the pieces of my kit were becoming lost or broken. Without my key pieces that desire soon met its demise.

The beginning of my junior year had been completely driven by the urge to get good grades, join some teams, and take full advantage of my high school years. Joining Family, Career and Community Leaders of America was entirely a spur-of-the-moment act. I never planned to open up this past love I had to only be completely consumed by it. I walked into FCCLA completely blind, not knowing why my school had it (because I honestly never heard of it), or what could it possibly do for a high school student. Little did I know it would change my life forever. Becoming a part of this team reminded me of the joy I get from helping people. Initially a member, I later evolved into the Vice President. My group and I participated in Angel Tree, attending elementary schools to talk with kids, boxing supplies for families in need, and fundraising at our school. It felt so full and enriching to help other people, and I had completely lost sight of that. It was selfless, and I hadn't felt that way in a long time. FCCLA gave me an oppourtunity to also learn about my peers in doing so taught me many skills it takes, to work together to aid and provide for others, something that my track team or mentor groups could not possibly teach me.

FCCLA helped awaken that honest passion I have for helping others. In the future I plan to find a place in the health care field. I hope to impact people's lives, and aid in improving them to my fullest ability. It only took the involvement of a high school community service group to help find the key pieces to my doctor's kit.

Undergraduate / Anti-bullying rally ; Dealing with different ideas [2]

Describe a setting in which you have collaborated or interacted with people whose experiences and/or beliefs differ from yours. Address your initial feelings and how those feelings were or were not changed by this experience.

Here is the essay I feel it needs work, and im open to honest comments. thanks again

My high school, like every other, holds an anti-bullying rally annually. Every year, I have held the same facial expression and level of interest. All of the teachers, principals, and school officials from the district would fan out across the auditorium, and several speakers will educate the student body on the effects of bullying.

I could not fully grasp the effects of bullying. Since elementary, kids have always been nasty to each other; this was always a part of my social norm. It's been this way for many generations. Kids in my city don't show weakness, and as far as I've seen no one commits suicide. Instead they get even, and fight back, literally. For some small background my peers and I have all been bred with the same "morals" that if someone puts their hands on you, you defend yourself at all costs. The motto was and still is "Fight fire with more fire!" and in addition to that ignorance the demographics of South Dallas played a huge part in this yet that never mattered to because all anyone needed was respect from your peers; this was part of survival.

A five year old girl actually changed how I felt about bullying. She was five years old, outgoing, friendly, surprisingly funny, and she was my niece. To hear she was experiencing problems was not only disgusting, but shocking. This incredibly sweet girl was entirely too young, too innocent to undergo this type of trauma that will never leave her. However we're from the same family, and we are bred from the same morals, so why is this happening? She was taught to fight back. Tension ran high when she began coming home with new bruises and scars, or getting calls from her teachers. Until one day, she slipped up and shared something with me. She let on that she did not want to live anymore and that she was unhappy. A five year old, lost and confused about what's next, can you imagine? I grew sick just hearing this. No excuses, or teacher conference was enough to contain our family; to contain our anger, the disappointment in the school, and our confusion on how this could have gotten this far.

A year later and when I look at her that time period cannot leave me. Bullying is alive; and this was my mistake in being ignorant to it all. This plague holds the power to consume anyone, and shows no mercy. I've grown used to seeing kids in this day and age being cruel, I'd lost sight that there are people who have the ability to fight violence without using violence. My generation was strong because that was our only option, but who can defend those who are exposed and vulnerable?