Writing Feedback / IELTS WT 2 - Advertisment is more harmful than helpful to humantity. Agree or disagree? [6]

Please help me correct it. This essay took me around 40 mins >"<
(299 words)
Advertisement nowadays does not resemble as that in earlier decades and it was truly an evolution in multimedia sector. Some people say this is more harmful than helpful to humanity. Standing on personal view, I totally disagree to this extent.

As a person who works in art related field, I regard advertisement as a type of Popular Art which also conclude music, fine art drawings, graphic design, visual art, light engineering... in several advertising methods such as poster, banner, flyer, video clip, etc. The most attractive thing is not what appears on ads, but the idea inside. Furthermore, advertisement shows how multimedia develops and how creative human are. Heineken's commercial video clips were great examples, their wonderful music and brilliant ideas always fascinate me.

Critics may say we are ringed and cheated by many illusions which were created by a lot of advertisement forms every day; however, they properly reflects human's life and desires by showing our social or technical achievements. For instance, buying modern household appliances could not make our family happier as we see in several commercial video clips; however, they probably help homemakers to feel relaxed when doing housework. That is the hidden messages in advertisements.

The last point, I agree that there could be a small challenge for consumer in detecting dishonest products through advertisement, but that would be a good reason for us to be more careful in making choice before buying something. Therefore, it might teach us how to spend cash also how to be a smart consumer.

For conclusion, because the more society and technology develop, the more advertisement goes up equally, I strongly believe that this is not harmful to human if we change our view about advertisement and do not depend too much on that in choosing goods and services.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task2 - Causes and solutions in preventing bad influence of adult products [7]

This essay took me around 45 minutes. Please give me feedback. Thank you all! :D
Topic:Exposure to scenes with violent or sexual content on the Internet or in movies has had a negative effect on adolescent children. What are the causes? Give your solutions to prevent bad influence of those without violating the rights of adult viewers.

A year ago, I have watched the movie Malèna (produced in 2000) which is about the life of a beautiful woman abused by people who envied her beauty and beloved by a 12-year-old boy in World War II, with many sexual and violent scenes. With a serious perception, I could recognize the humanistic meanings of those and they just supported the main story. Nevertheless, how does it affect to adolescents who do not have the right view about those sensitive scenes?

That is the big problem in educating teenagers because violent or sexual content is not usually showed as supporting role in the main story in some multimedia products. Most of them often masquerade as "art scene" with "liberating human instinct" meanings. Therefore, the lack of knowledge about law, worst moral or the curiosity could lead teenagers' view to the wrong way under the bad influence of violent or porno products.

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Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 2 - Should we judge people by their appearance? [9]

Hi everybody. This is my first essay on EF. Could you give me some feedbacks about task response and coherence?
Thank you so much :D

Topic: "We are able to judge people by their appearance. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?"

So far, appearance had become one of the most important things in identifying a person. When our society increasingly depends on material values more and more, appearance gradually becomes the reflection of our personality in other people mind. However, the way someone looks like could not be used for judging her or him and it does not tell us about the real-person inside each one. Therefore, I do not agree with this statement.

No doubt, judgment is one of our important needs in life, especially in routine communications. It might be argued that physical appearance is the very first thing making us to be impressed. When looking at people's appearance, we just realize ones we focus on: their emotion statement, their aesthetic mind (in either art, music, fashion...), how much they love themselves, and in some cases, the way they make up their appearance will show up how much they respect their partners or people around them. We know that when looking at movie stars, famous singers, or politicians.

In fact, we use to judge people we know nothing about than ones we know well. However, the truth is that appearance could not tell us their characteristics, their thinking ways, things they do and done, their targets in life, their living conditions and so on. So how could we assume that they are good or bad, smart or stupid by based on their appearance?

We usually see people owning tattoos or piercings, dressing conservatively, no hair or strange hairstyle, we even see people who do not care about their appearance at all. Take overweight people for example. Should we treat them differently than ones who are in shape? Of course, we should not. Just because they love foods or love to be chubby than slim, that does not mean they are poor, strict or lazy.

Moreover, appearance could be changed to suit emotions, purpose of act or even to hide the true person inside oneself like scammers or murderers. Therefore, personal judgments basing on appearance will not be believable.

To conclude, I strongly believe that it is not fair to judge people by their appearance and the only way that could help us judging people is to get them well.