Posts by Ilmiyatin

Ilmiyatin

Dec 12, 2013

Writing Feedback / The importance to have second language ; First paragraph [6]

is it an argumentative writing?
because what i got when i read it, you keep telling the readers about the advantages to have the second language. if so, i think support reasons when you support people who learn second language. therefore, your writing will be stronger.

if you just put your own opinion, it will look like you tell people your story without basic sentence to support your writing.
my lecture told me, if we want to make our writing stronger, we need to put around 40% our argument or opinion, 40% the reality that will be taken down by our argument, and 20% the fact to support our writing that our argument is strong enough for reader.

Ilmiyatin

Dec 12, 2013

Undergraduate / Shy girl who uses books; Something in my life I think goes unnoticed. [2]

Fernandam7
Hi, Fernandam7
Woa, you're a truly bookworm. you believe 100% on book's words, that's cool.
i think you should put some kind of 'bridge sentence' before you go to the second paragraph. it is not jumping idea from first to second paragraph though, but i think it will be nicer if you put the bridge sentence after first paragraph. as well with what you write from second paragraph to third paragraph. why you wrote about your activities then you wrote about book as your 'sword'? that is a reason, how good it is if you put bridge sentence in order to avoid any jumping idea. so your writing plot will be more organized.

Ilmiyatin

Dec 12, 2013

Undergraduate / I was supposed to write an essay about my identity and use a picture of myself.. [4]

daydreamer08
so you feel worry about rejection all the time? well, if you always take all people's opinion whether it is bad or good, your life will never be in peace. because people are always be a critical toward others. why you always say that you are not good enough or even think to change yourself? if you think that way, you'll change yourself everytime you meet new peoples. please, just love yourself and your life. if you're over-thinking about other's perspective about you, just listen Lady Gaga's I was Born This Way.

cheer up and love yourself ;)

Ilmiyatin

Dec 12, 2013

Dissertations / What the theory I should use to examine a sojourner's process of adaptation? [2]

Anyone who finds my writing, please correct it and give me building critiques and suggestion. Thankyou.

I'm writing my thesis right now. My object of study is Andrea Hirata's Edensor. this novel tells about Ikal, the main character, who travels European countries, Russia, and also roam Africa. He gets this opportunity because he is a student of one of a university in France and he gets a Schengen visa to roam European countries freely. And he gets the opportunity to visit Africa because he is a holder of OIC (Organisation of Islamic Countries).

In his journey, he discovers some differences of those new places's cultural background with his original culture. Apparently, Ikal is an Indonesian boy in this novel. some culture shock symptoms must appear in the process of discovering those differences. Therefore, Ikal has to face it and make himself adaptable in those places.

Concerning with that object of study, I am using cultural study as the approach of my study and I am using acculturation theory. But, apparently, my lecture tells me that I have to change my theory. Because Ikal is not an immigrant but he is a sojourner. Then the using of acculturation theory is not applicable with his case in adaptation. My lecture suggests me to observe Ikal's process of adaptation in those places by using 3 optional perspectives; cultural differences, culture clash or culture shock.

If one of you know what the theory I should use regarding with those 3 optional perspectives, please notice me. I really need help to finish my thesis. Any building critiques about my error grammars or unappropriate words in my writing will be much appreciated, as well as any information and also suggestions to solve my problem. Thankyou very much.

Ilmiyatin N.