Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by raj_ielts
Name: Raj
Joined: Dec 25, 2013
Last Post: Dec 30, 2014
Threads: 3
Posts: 11  
Likes: 2

Displayed posts: 14
sort: Latest first   Oldest first  | 
raj_ielts   
Jan 7, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task2: Teacher's responsibility in Student Upbringing [4]

Hi MisterWandering,

Thanks for you elaborated comments, so essay got deviated and became off topic. I think it needs lot of practice. Btw, any specific improvement areas that I need to work on. Once again thank you so much for reviewing my essay.
raj_ielts   
Jan 6, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task2: Teacher's responsibility in Student Upbringing [4]

Topic: Some people think that teachers should be responsible for teaching students to judge what is right and what is wrong so that they can behave well. Others think that teachers should only teach academic subjects to students.

Discuss both views and give your opinion


Today's students are tomorrow's future. It is very important that students should grow up as responsible citizens of the society. The role of parents and teachers in student's upbringing is always a topic of debate. Some people say that teacher's responsibility is not just limited to teaching academics but also help them understand the morals of society whereas few argue that teacher's role should be confined to teaching academics alone.

I firmly believe that teacher's should not only focus on academics but also concentrate on building the attitude of a student.

The reason why teacher's role is much more than teaching mere academics is -
Firstly. school is a place where students acquire many behavioral skills needed for society such as communicating with others, sharing things with friends, involving in debates and discussions. These socializing skills define the traits of a student and therefore school plays an important role in building the right attitude. In addition, since students tend to spend lot of time at school, the influence of their peers is immense and also parents cannot always monitor every move of their child while they are away from home. Given the fact of distraction levels during schooling age, it becomes very essential that teachers keep an eye and guide them as to differentiate between right and wrong.

However, on the other hand some people argue that teachers should only teach academics and there is no need for teachers to focus on attitude building for students. I think given the growing needs and increase in standards of life, it has become imperative that both parents need to work. Therefore, parents cannot devote much attention towards their child's education and attitude. In addition, education has become much matured than mere academics, subjects like moral science needs practical approach.

Finally, in my opinion there is no doubt that teacher's contribution in a student's development is beyond teaching academics. However, it is the right balance between the teachers and parents' attitude that nurture the good qualities in student needed for society.
raj_ielts   
Jan 6, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS;"Responsible Tourist" - Agree or Disagree type essay [5]

Probably I think you can start with...'Now-a-days travelling around the world has become easier and faster and hence tourism Industry has become one of the major sources of revenue generation in country's economy'.

Pahan, is that going to work...or needs any improvement. :)
raj_ielts   
Jan 5, 2014
Writing Feedback / Rich countries should not give jobs to skilled workers of Poor Countries-Agree or Disagree [5]

Thanks Pahan for your valuable feedback.. This motivates me to improve myself :). Time is crucial factor that I really need to take care of.

yeah..sitting for IELTS to get PR, but disagreeing on extending employment to skilled professionals of underdeveloped countries...lol

Some people argue that rich countries should not promote skill migration by providing attractive employment opportunities to the skilled professionals of poor countries. They argue that such skill migration would prevent the professionals from making their share of contribution to the development of their motherlands.

love the way you rephrase the sentences.I'm trying to implement this but could not do it in a better way

They become "migrants" once they are given

ohh yeah...somehow I missed this logic. I would replace "migrants" with "professionals"
raj_ielts   
Jan 4, 2014
Writing Feedback / Rich countries should not give jobs to skilled workers of Poor Countries-Agree or Disagree [5]

Rich countries should not give jobs to skilled workers eg: doctors & engineers of poor countries as they are needed by their home country than the rich country.

Do you agree or disagree?


Brain drain is one of the serious problems that underdeveloped countries are facing today. Migration of skilled workers from poor countries to rich countries is always a topic of debate. Some people argue that rich countries should not provide employment to skilled professionals from poor countries as they need to contribute to the development of their motherland. I certainly agree that rich countries should impose stern rules on employment to skilled workers from underdeveloped nations.

Here are some of the reasons why there should be such restrictions. Firstly, students from backward countries graduate utilizing the scholarships and resources of their own country. Students avail all the benefits of being citizens of their home country. However, after completing their education, students look towards developed nation for employment in order to realize their financial aspirations. For example, countries like India & China are witnessing severe talent migration to developed countries.

In addition, encouraging professional with specialized skills will do more harm than good to rich countries. In long run, skilled migrants would prefer to settle down in rich country and look forward for citizenships and therefore it is likely that developed nations may experience high unemployment rate for their own people and this might lead to communal differences and instability. For example, unemployment rate in USA has tremendously increased in 2008 resulting in economic downtrend and there have been protests on granting visas to skilled migrants from other countries.

<Conclusion> All in all, I opine, there is no doubt that cultural and technological exchange should happen between the nations but excessive talent migration to developed nations is not a good sign for both the rich and poor countries and therefore developed countries should have proper governance in place before extending employment to skilled professionals of poor countries
raj_ielts   
Dec 28, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task2: Comfortable lifestyle i.e. Materialism Vs Traditional Values [10]

Dumi/Pahan,

Hope I'm not bugging you asking for more & more feedback :)

Pahan- You have suggested some changes, do you see any other flaws. I'm trying to stick to the format that Dumi has mentioned. Also, at times I'm finding it difficult to quote reasons & couple of examples... too may points linger in my mind and its eating away my time for me to decide on the appropriate one.
raj_ielts   
Dec 26, 2013
Writing Feedback / ART SHOULD NOT BE FUNDED BY THE GOVERNMENT; AGREE/ DISAGREE? [4]

sree_raj

Thanks sree_raj, its a nice essay with lot of information and good vocab.I'm making a note of all the good words that you have used. I'm trying to align myself to the format that Dumi & Pahan had suggested :)
raj_ielts   
Dec 26, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task2: Comfortable lifestyle i.e. Materialism Vs Traditional Values [10]

Raj thanks for your good essay with lot of good phrases. I will make use of them in my prepartion. As Dumi said, you have excellent vocabulary store.

Thanks Arun for your comments. However, its taking lot of time for me to write an essay. I want to complete in stipulated amount of time..say 30 mins.I think it takes lot of practice to achieve this.
raj_ielts   
Dec 25, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task2: Comfortable lifestyle i.e. Materialism Vs Traditional Values [10]

Thaks Dumi for taking time and evaluating this. I would try to stick to the format that you mentioned. However, do you have any other comments on the content, I mean the ideas and the relevance to the topic and grammar. I'm not a native English speaker and I feel I have lot of mother tongue influence. Hence, I want to focus more on grammar esp tenses.

Thank you,
Raj
raj_ielts   
Dec 25, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task2: Comfortable lifestyle i.e. Materialism Vs Traditional Values [10]

Topic: People nowadays work hard to buy more things. This has made our life generally more comfortable but it is a pity many traditional values have been lost on the way to such materialism. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the statement?

----------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------------------------------------

Money has become an essential ingredient of life than before. People's priorities and preferences have changed. Materialism has definitely superseded the traditional values in various walks of life. People are willing to work longer and harder to buy comforts and luxuries.

There are numerous factors that attribute to this change. Firstly, the importance for Time has increased, people are giving more importance to work and they want to put in extra time for their professional life, they are looking out for alternatives that make personal life and chores easier and faster. For example, the rise in trend for fast food joints and restaurants shows the change in people's food habits. People are preferring processed foods that are easy to cook but unhealthy by sacrificing the healthy traditional food habits. One more instance of change in people's priority is the level of participation in celebrations and family get-together, people are are willing to devote more time to their profession rather than spending time with their families during festivals and family events. They are preferring to convey their regards over mobile phones are social networking mediums. This change in tendency is waning the importance of traditional cultures and values.

In addition, people's gratification to crave for social status is another reason for long work hours.There is no doubt that in today's society people are judged by the dress they wear and gadget they carry .In order to grab attention of the society, people are ready to shell out money for expensive clothing, electronics and automobiles.This materialistic attitude is also one of the reasons for decrease in traditional values.

However, not all people who work hard and buy comforts and luxuries will compromise on their traditional values. There are many people who strike a fine balance between all aspects of life.

Finally, I opine that it is important for people to maintain a good work-life balance and preserve the traditional cultural and values for future generations.