Undergraduate / "Reporting like Ron"; Pepperdine Suppl [4]

I need help with grammar and elaborating please help!!! I need you guys to critique this like crazy

Consider the following scenario: You've been given the unique opportunity to create a brand new course to be offered at Pepperdine University. You have complete autonomy over the course topic, as well as how and where the course curriculum will be presented. What course would you create and how will it contribute to the academic and co curricular experience at the University? (300 words or less)

Welcome to "Reporting like Ron"; a journalism course at Pepperdine University inspired by the hit blockbuster movie series "Anchorman". Ron Burgundy, the main character of the movie, is a famous anchorman from a San Diego news station. Burgundy is known for his salon quality hair and cutting edge reporting. He believed that reporting on what people needed to hear was boring and that news should be fun. In his second movie, he changed journalism, as we know it by reporting about why Americans should be proud of being Americans, as well as reporting the very first live car chase. In this class we will be focusing on our skills as creative reporters and how we report, rather than the actual news. We will focus on honing our skills that will help us think "outside of the box", by reporting on local news. This will help us become more familiar our environment. By reporting news occurring in our own area, we will be eliminating any extra steps that involve becoming familiar with the area, people and culture. This will help focus more on the story and presenting it in a more creative manner. We hope that the students will be able to use the skills they acquire in this course, throughout their college career and even in everyday life. In "Reporting like Ron" we strive to open our student's mind and create a more creative learning environment, every idea is welcome as well as supportive criticism.

Undergraduate / Facebook status and women in shock - Common App Personal Statement [3]

The limit is 650 and this is 764. I need help cutting down A LOT, fixing grammatical errors and polishing it all up.

The essay demonstrates your ability to write clearly and concisely on a selected topic and helps you distinguish yourself in your own voice. What do you want the readers of your application to know about you apart from courses, grades, and test scores? Choose the option that best helps you answer that question and write an essay of no more than 650 words, using the prompt to inspire and structure your response. Remember: 650 words is your limit, not your goal. Use the full range if you need it, but don't feel obligated to do so. (The application won't accept a response shorter than 250 words.)

Some students have a background or story that is so central to their identity that they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.

Black. The color that describes darkness is the only color I see. I turn and see a man in a black suit; his black shoes caked in dirt. The man is standing next to a black tent. A woman in a black headscarf sits quietly under the tent with a blank expression. Another woman wobbles across the grass in shiny black heals. My aunt's long black hair falls in front of her pale face. I see my mother's eyes, normally hazel, have turned black. I look down at myself, and see that I am wearing mostly black. The only piece of color I would ever wear again is a gold antique watch on my wrist.

December 18, 2011 is the date of the first of over eight deaths in my family. I say over eight because I've lost count and every time I try to list the names I always forget one or say another one twice. I never thought I would get to a point in life where death would become so familiar, and black would become so common.

The first death was 24 hours before my first winter final my sophomore year. It was my mother's uncle, a military man. He was coming back home for his base in Louisiana when he was brutally murdered by his wife, who killed him for money. My family completely lost it. It was the first time I've seen the adults so vulnerable and broken. There were panic attacks, anxiety attacks, and insomnia. Everyone was on edge, who would have thought that a family member would be killed by a loved one?

The second death was my father's mother. It was three hours after my school was dismissed for Spring Break. My grandmother was the only grandparent I meet on my father's side. I never met my grandfather or three of my father's eight siblings because they all passed away before my birth. My father told me stories about them and their death, but I've never seen him cry or get emotional during any of them. When my father received the call from his sister that their mother is dead, he cried. Not silent tears, but full on sobbing. I never thought I would see my father cry. The day of the funeral family and friend from all over the world came to my grandmother's funeral. Most of the women were in shock, so as the oldest grandchild it was my duty to step up and help out. I prepared food, served the food, and kept an eye on the young children. It was the first time I've ever felt the weight of responsibility on my shoulders.

The third death was my mother's grandmother. She was in hospice care for months at the time. My mother visited her every other day to check up on her and I would accompany her on the weekends. I would help my mother wash and feed her because my mother had back problems and my great-grandmother was too old and brittle to hold up her own weight. I remember when she was a couple of years younger and stronger. She taught me how to knit and sew and it was the death that caused the biggest shock for me. For my 13th birthday she gave me the gold watch she never took off because in our culture, 13 is the age a girl turns into an adult. I haven't taken he watch off since her death.

These first three deaths have taught me three separate lessons and these lessons repeat with each new death. The lessons are the clichés we see people post as their Facebook status, but we never realize how important those clichés can be. There is a reason why they are so over used. Some people use the clichés because they actually understand the deeper meaning behind them, while other just used them because they sound pretty. I have learned it the hard way that life is too precious to waste, that people in our lives will come and go and you wont realize how important they were to you until they are gone, that being a kid wont last forever and that a day will come when you have to be the adult because there is no one else to play the role. The biggest cliché lesson of all is: Life is short, you can either mope around and waste the little time you have worry about the little things or move on and appreciate what you have now because it might not be there tomorrow.

Undergraduate / Issue of Vogue / TV screen controller - Johns Hophkins Undergrad Essay [4]

This is a rough draft but is the idea okay?

Day 1: I am sitting on my bed with the latest issue of Vogue in front of me. I flip the pages reviewing them and taking notes. I hear a knocking on my door and tell the person at the door to come in. I look up and I am in an office in New York City, and the person at my door is my assistant. Today I am the Editor-in-Chief of Vogue. I take a sip of my coffee before I give the notes I have taken to my assistant and make my way to brunch with my good friend Karl Lagerfeld. My chauffer opens the door to my car. I sit in the back looking at the passer byers through the window. A motorcycle zooms past us and suddenly I am not looking at the outside from a car window, but from the window of my own bedroom.

Day 2: I am holding a black controller staring at the TV screen in my garage. My neighborhood is silent, the only thing alive outside are the trees. I turn my attention to the screen again. I blink once, twice, and my world is gone. The controller in my hand turns into a scimitar sword, and I am in the underground city of Derinkuyu. Today I am Ezio Auditore of Assassin's Creed. The Byzantine nobleman, Manuel Palaiologos is trying to claim his people among chaos. He sees me and begins to run. I stay on his heels, jumping from one rooftop to another. Manuel takes a turn and runs for the harbor only to find that there are no boats. I seize him by his shirt collar and he begins to laugh, the noise rumbling through me. I interrogate him until he tells me about the Order in which the Templars are a part of. He refuses to tell me any facts, only hinting that there is something bigger going on then I expected. Manuel gives me the Masyaf Key without a fight. He believes that his men will defeat me before I reach the ancient library. I look around me to see if there are any Templars around me but all I see is my familiar garage and TV. I look back at the key, but it is no longer a key, it is a controller again.

Or
I am holding a black controller staring at the TV screen in my garage. My neighborhood is silent, the only thing alive outside are the trees. I turn my attention to the screen again. I blink once, twice, and my world is gone. The controller in my hand turns into a scimitar sword, and I am in the underground city of Derinkuyu. Today I am Ezio Auditore of Assassin's Creed. I look at the roof of the building across from me and make eye contact with the Byzantine nobleman, Manuel Palaiologos. We engage in a chase that end at the harbor that leads out of the cave. We engage in a sword fight were I come out victorious. Manuel gives me the Masyaf Key without a fight. He believes that his men will defeat me before I reach the ancient library. I look around me to see if there are any Templars around me but all I see is my familiar garage and TV. I look back at the key, but it is no longer a key, it is a controller again.

These two imaginary adventures are not all imaginary. I might have not been an assassin traveling through 1511 AD Turkey, but I have visited the historic sites shown in the video game. The historic nature of the video game had a huge influence on my vacation spot choice, right after my history and religion classes. I might not be the Editor-in-Chief of Vogue, but it is the occupation that I am striving for in the future. After training with the current Editor-in-Chief of course. But, for now I am the Editor-in-Chief of my own school newspaper and I plan to become part of the newspaper staff of the Gazette. There are so many historical phenomena in the world that I feel not only the need to explore, but obligated to explore. I want to explore these world and then come back home and write about my discoveries and what I have uncovered about the ancient civilizations that lived before us.