Some students have a background or story that is so central to their identity that they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.
The humid air made it difficult to breathe. Even the morning temperature gave me a feeling of incredible discomfort; my clothes were glued to my skin. I heard unidentifiably noises in the background that mixed with the constant barking of the neighborhood dogs to my annoyance. Sitting on my undersized bed, I threw looks at the only other piece of furniture in the room: a chair. My adventure has started at last, only I anticipated a completely different experience. Resigned to my situation, tears ran down my cheeks. I realized that it was me who chose all of this; the level of regret was unmatched by anything I had ever known before. Now there was no easy way out. Under no circumstance could I go home early; my parents paid for all of this after I begged them. I didn't want to be a loser or a coward, but on the other hand, how was I supposed to live here for a year? Suddenly, I heard my name called. After wiping off my tears, I staggered out of my room.
Months before that, I had been exited when a representative from an exchange organization came to my school. Enjoying the attention of my peers, I signed up for an information package and bragged to be interested in going to the U.S.; for once I was the adventurer and the risk taker. Unfortunately, the U.S. had full capacity, and I was forced to either back down from my plans or pick another destination. An exchange year was expensive and, as I soon found out myself, should be considered carefully. Yet, I didn't want to hear any of that. Stubbornly, I convinced my parents to yield to my wishes. I chose Panama. I dreamed of an adventure, of the fun I would have while being out of school and living a different life, and of course of the beautiful beaches...
At last, we all will have gone our ways in life, but it's what we do with it that makes the difference. The beginning was the toughest hardship I have ever faced. We all have gone our different ways in life, but it's what we do with it that makes the difference. I learned that joy is not playing video games or watching TV; joy is the pleasure in seeing the unseen and becoming acquainted with the unacquainted. As I felt lost and sorry in a place far away, I refused to embrace a new situation and failed to realize what the country really had to offer: good, hearty people and a unique culture. Tough it may have been, but the experience was invaluable. To honor my family and appreciate what they were doing for me was only one of many lessons that strengthened my personality. I want these lessons to accompany me through life. I cannot always make the right choice, so it's endurance and the ability to adapt that will make me successful in life.
After my graduation, I have participated in another high school exchange program while taking a gap year. This is reflected by my teacher recommendation. Would you recommend me to include this in some way at the end of this essay or would this interfere with the smooth ending of the essay?
Sincerely,
Luca
"Enjoying the attention of my peers, I signed up for an information package and bragged to be interested in going to the U.S." - the "bragged to be interested" part sounds awkward. I would change it to "and bragged about the possibility and interest in going to the U.S."
"At last, we all will have gone our own ways in life," - I added own after our
"At last, we all will have gone our ways in life, but it's what we do with it that makes the difference." and "We all have gone our different ways in life, but it's what we do with it that makes the difference." in the second to last paragraph are repetitive.
If you still have space, I would mention the GAP year, otherwise no I think the essay is fine.
thank you very much. I will make the corrections.
"At last, we all will have gone our ways in life, but it's what we do with it that makes the difference."
to
"At last, we all will have gone our different ways in life, but it's what we do with the experience that makes the difference."
Well... this prompt, Central to your identity, mostly deals with these questions;
Who are you? What are you? What makes you, well, you?
Reading your response in full, I think you elaborate more on your decision and subsequent experiences although you talk about your learnings and their contribution to influence your perceptions. But, I think you need give more focus on telling them where you come from and defining your identity. In other words it should be something central to who you are. So, I suggest you to re-do this to have it aligned more with your prompt.
If you still have space, I would mention the GAP year, otherwise no I think the essay is fine.
Agree with Hen. GAP experience also an important factor showing that you also make difference in building your character. Maybe you can relate it with the 2nd paragraph because your last paragraph is good.
