This is a rough draft but is the idea okay?
Day 1: I am sitting on my bed with the latest issue of Vogue in front of me. I flip the pages reviewing them and taking notes. I hear a knocking on my door and tell the person at the door to come in. I look up and I am in an office in New York City, and the person at my door is my assistant. Today I am the Editor-in-Chief of Vogue. I take a sip of my coffee before I give the notes I have taken to my assistant and make my way to brunch with my good friend Karl Lagerfeld. My chauffer opens the door to my car. I sit in the back looking at the passer byers through the window. A motorcycle zooms past us and suddenly I am not looking at the outside from a car window, but from the window of my own bedroom.
Day 2: I am holding a black controller staring at the TV screen in my garage. My neighborhood is silent, the only thing alive outside are the trees. I turn my attention to the screen again. I blink once, twice, and my world is gone. The controller in my hand turns into a scimitar sword, and I am in the underground city of Derinkuyu. Today I am Ezio Auditore of Assassin's Creed. The Byzantine nobleman, Manuel Palaiologos is trying to claim his people among chaos. He sees me and begins to run. I stay on his heels, jumping from one rooftop to another. Manuel takes a turn and runs for the harbor only to find that there are no boats. I seize him by his shirt collar and he begins to laugh, the noise rumbling through me. I interrogate him until he tells me about the Order in which the Templars are a part of. He refuses to tell me any facts, only hinting that there is something bigger going on then I expected. Manuel gives me the Masyaf Key without a fight. He believes that his men will defeat me before I reach the ancient library. I look around me to see if there are any Templars around me but all I see is my familiar garage and TV. I look back at the key, but it is no longer a key, it is a controller again.
Or
I am holding a black controller staring at the TV screen in my garage. My neighborhood is silent, the only thing alive outside are the trees. I turn my attention to the screen again. I blink once, twice, and my world is gone. The controller in my hand turns into a scimitar sword, and I am in the underground city of Derinkuyu. Today I am Ezio Auditore of Assassin's Creed. I look at the roof of the building across from me and make eye contact with the Byzantine nobleman, Manuel Palaiologos. We engage in a chase that end at the harbor that leads out of the cave. We engage in a sword fight were I come out victorious. Manuel gives me the Masyaf Key without a fight. He believes that his men will defeat me before I reach the ancient library. I look around me to see if there are any Templars around me but all I see is my familiar garage and TV. I look back at the key, but it is no longer a key, it is a controller again.
These two imaginary adventures are not all imaginary. I might have not been an assassin traveling through 1511 AD Turkey, but I have visited the historic sites shown in the video game. The historic nature of the video game had a huge influence on my vacation spot choice, right after my history and religion classes. I might not be the Editor-in-Chief of Vogue, but it is the occupation that I am striving for in the future. After training with the current Editor-in-Chief of course. But, for now I am the Editor-in-Chief of my own school newspaper and I plan to become part of the newspaper staff of the Gazette. There are so many historical phenomena in the world that I feel not only the need to explore, but obligated to explore. I want to explore these world and then come back home and write about my discoveries and what I have uncovered about the ancient civilizations that lived before us.
What is the prompt?
I like the first option better. The second one had some awkward wording. Also, I do not like the sentence about the trees.
"these worlds "
I like the two parts about your normal every day life becoming these grand adventures, it was cute. However, I did not like your conclusion. Also, the fact that your parents let you choose the vacation spot, and then on top of that you choose turkey, probably one of the most expensive flights out there, makes you sound a little privileged. Also, the fact that you've gone to Turkey doesn't really make the video game part true. I thought you were going to tie it in to your adventurous spirit or something. I think the problem is the vogue part is a dream, which you are able to tie in well to you being the editor of your newspaper, but the video game one is harder to tie in because its not a dream, so it is a bit incongruous
Your essay is really great! I love how you took a different approach to the prompt and it shows your creativity and abundance of imagination. I only found a couple things to change but overall you did a really amazing job!
-2nd sentence: change to "reviewing and taking notes" it flows better
-4th sentence: I'm in MY office
-Day 2: sent 5- maybe change to "I look around me and find myself perched under a tent"
-last par, 1st sent: maybe, "These two imaginary adventures are not all fiction", the repetition of imaginary is a little too much
GOOD LUCK :)
Its a very different approach, i will applaud you for that. However, when I read the prompt and then your essay, it seems you focused mostly on your interests and how it relates to your future goals. The 'Given the opportunities at John Hopkins' part is kinda left out. I guess its too late of a suggestion but you might wanna put in specific things in John hopkins that might help you get to those goals in the future.
