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Posts by german89
Name: Schuman
Joined: Feb 22, 2014
Last Post: Feb 23, 2014
Threads: 2
Posts: 3  

From: Indonesia
School: School of London Jakarta

Displayed posts: 5
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german89   
Feb 23, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS task 2: The position of women in society has changed markedly in the last 20 years. [12]

Similarly, a career woman is mostly blamed for current condition when level of juvenile delinquency is increasing
Dear Eddies
as I concern, your writing is containing a good word choice within collocation of academic words, but you should be maintaining the list of paraphrase words.

Definitely, you should avoid words from question.

Regard
German89
german89   
Feb 23, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS. The Question is: The replacement of old workers. Do you agree or disagree? [3]

The wide spread of businesses has made a different perception towards the structure of team-works in an office, this means management to lay new approaches such as, finding young officers and unskilled labors. Honestly, the old workers should be replaced by young generations. Therefore, this essay would argue the topic in connection with young workers and old workers in a job circumstance.

Be in no doubt of that, fresh-graduates are potential to contribute in a company to become more efficient. It is hard to enunciate this view without other views. Secondly, the old workers undoubtedly have abilities and experiences to deal with a stabilization and foundation of companies.

First and foremost, the new generation in a company is the main factor to enhance or enlarge the market share. Therefore, finding the new generation should include in a company, the management of offices offers a lot of opportunities to fresh-graduates. It is because they are having many ideas and strong physicals to vanquish all barriers for rising benefits.

Vice versa, some people condemn and they believe that old workers are the basic stone of a company because they had a lot of knowledges and experiences. For example, old workers is able to tackle the turbulence of business-cycles. It is because they have a power and wisdom to make decisions for keeping the company running in the right track.

To sum up, after considering both views of agree and disagree, I tend to say agree that th good position in an office should be settled by a young-person, but the structure in a company should be maintaining with a balance proportion which is containing old people as a mentor for young-persons to create an equilibrium in a company.
german89   
Feb 23, 2014
Writing Feedback / A paragraph for IELTS: benefits of mobile phones [4]

which has essentially revolutionized(Verb) the way people communicate(Verb) with their friends and business partners
in my opinion, you are laying down two verbs in one sentence without a clause or a conj.
german89   
Feb 22, 2014
Writing Feedback / The Perceptions of The Electronic Device in Modern Era [3]

Over twenty years ago since the inventing of internet, people are easy to conduct communication towards people in other countries or areas. Some people believe that electronic devices such as, gadgets and laptops, that are helpful to link people, but other people condemn against the opinions about it, they argue that communication in modern era is effected the value of humanity. Therefore, this essay would argue the issue in connection with the electronic media in the era of globalization.

Electronic devices are the best stuff in the world to communicate. To compare it on a couple of decades ago, people are communicated by created a letter to share information that was difficult. For example, British Empire was hard to control the area under the constitution of the kingdom which stood on long home neighbor such as, Australia, New Zealand and Malaysia. It is taking much time and containing a distortion of information, but since the advancement of computers and smart phones that is easy to control the constitution in commonwealth countries and it is creating an efficient way to communicate. Therefore, the electronic media has a positive contribution for human life.

Vice versa, some people condemn that the benefits of electronic media are much more than that the drawbacks. In London, pupils are harmful by the liberalization of technology such as, the way to access porn sites. According to the scrutiny research on children' psychology, the study pointed out more than 60% of children in a hundred of schools at North London watching porn videos by computers, and parents really lack of control to preserve it because of government are not have a high technology to protect porn sites. Essentially, the behavior of teenagers in London is changing to the bad way. Henceforth, the electronic devices bring bad influences for creating a good attitude in teenager' relationships.

All in all, after analyzing two perceptions agree and disagree opinions. I would say that the massive growth of technologies is able to produce an efficient way for communicating between people in an area and each others, but the drawbacks of the electronic media have several negative effects. Therefore, the use of electronic media should be maintaining by parents and governments for reducing the bad impacts.
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