Writing Feedback / [IELTS] International aid should be prioritised as foreigners are facing more serious problems [4]

Prompt:

Some people believe that charities should give aid to those who need the aid most, wherever they live. Some people believe that charity organisations would better concentrate on people in their own countries instead. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

My essay:

The world has become more prosperous than ever yet a great number of people are still living in poverty or suffering by wars or disasters. Charity organisations have been playing an important role to provide support to those people. However, it is controversial whether the help should go to the people who need it most or the citizens of the country where the charity organisations are located. My view is that international aid should be prioritised.

International aid is critical because people from other countries may be facing much more serious problems. Many people, for example in some African countries, are living below the basic standards. They lack food, water or clothes which keep them warm, not to mention the education needs. What is worse, people who live in countries that are confronted with wars or natural disasters are facing even more severe issues such as security, homelessness or the pain of losing best friends or family members. It is clear that those people are in desperate need of international support.

Despite the importance of helping those beyond our national borders, it is reasonable to lend a hand to our fellow citizens. After all, charity organisations are mainly funded by the home country thus there is a high demand that the money should be spent in the place where it is collected. Another reason is that, even within the most developed countries, there are still poor people who lack their basic needs. By solving the problems in the home country, it is beneficial for social stability and steady economic growth.

In conclusion, people from unfortunate countries need more international assistance while helping citizens in the home country is also necessary.

Writing Feedback / IELTS - Exporting is beneficial to people's well-being as they can afford high quality products [8]

Prompt:
In some countries, it is now possible for people to buy products made in other countries. To what extent do the benefits of this development outweigh the problems?

My essay:

Nowadays people consume products, ranging from electronic devices to fruits, not only from their home countries but also from the countries that may be at the other end of the world. It is argued whether exporting goods has more disadvantages than advantages. From my perspective, there are more positive impacts.

Importing goods from one country to another yield several benefits. Firstly, despite of the transportation cost, the prices of imported goods, especially those from developing countries, stay competitive. The main reason is that the countries which export the goods have the professional knowledge and skills to ensure high quality and affordability. For example, China is specialised in producing textile products, resulting in lower prices than the local counterparts in many countries. Moreover, importing products have challenged domestic manufactories by encouraging and intensifying the competition, thereby reducing the prices, which benefit the local consumers as it reduces their costs of living.

On the other hand, overly relying on imported goods lead some domestic industries to underdevelopment or even bankruptcy. This is harmful to a self-contained economy and may trigger massive job cuts. Another problem is that long distance transportation causes serious environmental issues such as air pollution, greenhouse gas emissions which eventually lead to global warming.

In conclusion, importing and exporting goods, as a result of globalisation, is an inevitable trend which is beneficial to people's wellbeing as they can afford high quality products at low costs. Meanwhile, domestic industries should work hard to compete with products from other countries all over the world.

Writing Feedback / [IELTS] Cheap flights should not be discouraged [4]

Topic: some people think cheap air travel brings us benefits while others believe that non-essential flights should be cut in order to reduce environmental problems caused by cheap air travel. Discuss both views and give your own opinions.

My essay:

Travelling by air used to be luxurious which could not be afforded even by the middle class a few decades ago. However, nowadays more cheap flights are emerging since technology has evolved. But it also comes with a price: increasing flights have been posing a threat to the environment thus some people suggest that unnecessary flights should be restricted in order to protect the environment. My view is that people should be free to choose means of transportation whichever they like.

Cheap flights have made long distance trips more attractive. Tourists are always curious about the cultures or views that are different from their own, so they are more interested in travelling to a destination that is far away from them, usually abroad. Airplanes are ideal tools to reach these places as it takes less time and, sometime, are even less expensive. Spending less time on the way is not only attractive to people who have tight schedules but also is more comfortable, because people can easily get exhausted after staying in the vehicle for a long time without much possibility to move around and exercise.

On the other hand, cheap flights are causing more damages to the environment as people are more likely to travel further and more regularly. Aircrafts, comparing to traditional tools such as trains, are not very efficient in using energies, which results in a high carbon footprint. Moreover, it is impossible at all to adopt clean energies like sonar or electronic cars do at this moment.

In conclusion, in spite of the air pollution caused by cheap flights, I believe that low cost air travel should not be discouraged as it makes long trips more easily achieved.

Writing Feedback / Drugs, alcohol and messy sex lives - Celebrities news has negative impacts on children; [IELTS] [7]

Many people believe that media coverage of celebrities is having a negative effect on children. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Celebrities, for example movie stars, are usually seen on media living a luxury life or having a new girlfriend, etc. It is human nature that people, especially youngsters, are attracted to the celebrities they favour, and that is why the media prefer to cover as much news of the celebrities as possible. But I tend to think that this is a worrying tread which has negative impact on children.

The first impression of the celebrities seems that they are rich while not having to work hard. This gives children the idea that it is not necessary to study hard at school for a better career and earning a living. Further more, they will not value other people's hard work and take everything for granted.

Meanwhile, not all celebrities are role models. It is not uncommon to see on the media that some of them are committing to crimes or misbehaving such as being addicted to drugs or alcohols, having messy sex lives. Worse still, without proper parenting, children may perceive that this is the cool life people are supposed to be living.

Of course, some celebrities, e.g. writers, passionate entrepreneurs are good examples to children for they share fascinating stories or how to pursue their goal by doing something that has a meaning to them and may change the world.

In conclusion, media should shift its focus from covering celebrities to elsewhere. Meanwhile, children's access to the celebrities news on the media should be restricted and they should study only from the celebrities who can act positively.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: Stagnation in Health and fitness [5]

The task:
In some countries, the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?

Thanks for your feedback in advance :) it would be great to have a guess of what band this assay can reach, my target is 7 and I know there is still a long way to go.

My essay:
Technologies are evolving while people's health and fitness are not. Nowadays there is less physical work comparing to decades ago, many people spend a big amount of time sitting in front of a computer and doing almost nothing at all.

To reach a place, you don't have to walk or ride a horse, both public transportation and private cars are popular choices. However, the traffic has been a long existing issue which prevents vehicles from working efficiently. This makes people have less leisure time and it is even worse that people are tend to work longer due to intense competition so that there is little personal time left, the time that could have been spent on physical exercises.

So what measures can be taken to solve these issues? On one hand, of course, the government should increase budget on building more public infrastructure to encourage people to do more sport. On the other hand, public transportation and road condition should be optimised so that people will spend less time on the way to work or home.

But it will always take time to make this happen. As an individual, there are things that we can do as well. For example, instead of driving a car, consider riding a bicycle or even jogging to work. This is quite feasible for distances within 10 KMs. Clever employers should encourage their employees by financially supporting their sport activities to get them out of the office, who have been sitting down for too long.

To sum, health and fitness is important to human being as it makes people work and live happier. It will be a collective effort from the government, companies and individuals. For individuals, going out and doing workout may seem tough, but it will soon become a joy when you are used to it.