Posts by Chrome

Chrome

Jan 15, 2010

Undergraduate / Favourite book, teacher and subject (really short answers). [3]

Name the secondary school teacher

It says name her...I think you should name before explaining why, if you havent.

I want to explore, to stroll down the Carleton Arb and lay in (is it lay in or lay on?) the green of the Lyman Lakes

what do you mean the green?green landscapes? Im just wondering.

I have thirst for knowledge.

I have a thirst for knowledge

My immutable attraction to Biology makes me consider Neuroscience a great possibility for my future

Wouldn't it be better as ,makes me consider that Neuroscience is a great possibility...

Why are you interested in Carleton College and how did this interest develop?

You havent finished? Im asking because you didnt describe how the interest developed.Just why.

Well written and clear answers. Nothing which needs to be necessarily changed. Just two questions which aren't fully answered.

Chrome

Jan 15, 2010

Undergraduate / "Archie's comics" - a horribly written essay for mount holyoke-criticism wanted [4]

Nice and short =]].

I disagree I think you should keep the yes', its nice repetition . I do think you could make it more informative though...What is Archie's comics? Some people don't know. You could explain its a comic book series etc.

Also i thinking adding. Whilst reading,her young mind would be enthralled by the Riverdale kids...is better. Id understand better.

Really sweet though, nothing much to improve, i like it.

Chrome

Jan 14, 2010

Essays / Twelfth Night Essay Structure [5]

Understood.Thank you for the feedback,its very helpful. I think once I get my first sentence it will flow quite nicely. =]].

Chrome

Jan 13, 2010

Research Papers / Does Media Violence Cause Societal Violence? [4]

It may not entirely cause it, but it encourages it. It all depends on the situation. If i was thinking of acting in a violent manner, id like to see how its done without having bad consequences as result. Id learn from thee mistakes on media. Like was is in an open area?Where there police near?Then i would be violent in private where i know police are far away from.

Also it kinda makes it look normal and acceptable. You get used to seeing it. People start thinking" Well, its life,it happens."

Chrome

Jan 13, 2010

Writing Feedback / Animal and music lover - NCSSM Essay #1 [7]

Good. Could still improve though. Errr. Why dont your try linking you paragraphs like

Firstly, ambitious...

Likewise, faithful...

However, most people...

Conclusively,

And i also think 'faithful' isnt the best word to describe you in the 2nd paragraph, it sounds more like youre fearless.
I think you should explain those goals in 1st paragraph.Why have you got such goals?How is having those different from any typical person? And how did you feel when you made varsity team? Were you proud?

I know this an essay about yourself, but its still a bit i did this i did that. Maybe in the 4th paragraph you should be informative about an animal, maybe your favourite,or one youve met and explain why you like it. Or even a special close family member or friend and how they make part of you.Like how if they didnt exist, youd be a different person.

For your conclusion talk about the question again, maybe refer to God as youre a believer.
Maybe say "Conclusively, I am unqiue individual with a agreeable personality, but thats is not whats really important in life. Whats important is how I as an individual affect the people around me. How I play my part in the human population on Earth is whats really important. Once in the afterlife, in heaven how inique my personality is will not matter, what will matter is how i contributed in the world...

Chrome

Jan 12, 2010

Writing Feedback / Animal and music lover - NCSSM Essay #1 [7]

Hey...Yes I agree, you havent answered the question yet. You sound like a nice person though.Yay for the animal lovers!

Why not find a quote that represents your animal love, like

"Those who wish to pet and baby wild animals "love" them. But those who respect their natures and wish to let them live normal lives, love them more. " ~Edwin Way Teale, Circle of the Seasons, 1953

or

Our task must be to free ourselves... by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature and its beauty.-Albert Einstein

This quote....It represents me as I am kind and nurturing individual ... I believe in equality... This makes me kind as the quote states because ... Whats really peculiar is the awareness of Animals towards my altruistic spirit. One may think this is bizarre, but i know the Animals sense it. It is not a presumption but a fact. They know I stand for them. I could be their saving grace."

Make your point and explain it... Also, you can add more to it. You can show how different you are by comparing and criticising...

E.g
Majority of teenagers enjoy the music genre of R&b. However i find it inappropriate and ...Real music has been long forgotten, but I am determined to not be a sheep in the crowd...I listen to country. I am personally proud of Carrie Underwood and Taylor swift. They are aspirational characters like me, and i hope to reach my goals like them."

Chrome

Jan 12, 2010

Essays / Twelfth Night Essay Structure [5]

Objective: Discuss the theme of disguise and duplicity in Twelfth Night.

I am to write an essay about the play Twelfth Night by Shakespeare. What I'm worried about mainly is how i structure the essay. I want it to be very well organised. Last time it was worth it,but i did take a lot of time changing paragraphs restructuring things etc. I realised i should have thought about it before starting the essay.

So my question to the experienced,is what is the best way to structure an essay about a play?..especially about the likes of Shakespeare, historical context is also meant to be added into the essay. I thought of starting it with the history but its dull and its harder to link it to other aspects when i put the history in one big chunk.

It will also be very helpful if anyone knows about the play and can give me additional tips on how to make my analysis about the play even more insightful.

This is the disorganised-no good-bit ive got so far, i think ill start again from scratch,after people answer

Twelfth night is a satirical comedy of the 16th century. Although some may argue that it is somewhat a tragedy, as it covers some of the critical elements for one. One of the elements being that misfortunes are not overlooked but are in fact charitably placed in the play for structural purposes. The shipwreck that two of the characters, Viola and Sebastian engage in, or the death of the Lady Olivia's brother, demonstrates this.

The shipwreck determines the course of the play. If it had not occurred...
The death of Lady Olivia's brother and the fight are of similar importance too...
It also may be portrayed as dark in nature because of the many deceptions that occur in the play. In the play Twelfth Night numerous disguises are used to deceive and conceal the truth. Deliberate physical disguises are used by the means of either a distorted or false appearance. Although not necessarily intentional, metaphorical disguises are also used in the play. Frequently one characters' judgements towards another character are mislead.

Twelfth night is an epitome of Elizabethan comedy. In a production of the play most if not all of the audience would find the play entertaining. The play is named Twelfth Night after the festival "Feast of fools" as it is fairly selective in its irony. It mainly mocks the prosperous and praises the inopportune. The theme and duality of the play is master become servants and the servants become masters.

Therefore a mixed audience would be able to find the play entertaining ...
Nonetheless, Twelfth Night is ultimately considered to be a comedy. The misfortunes and disguises that determine the course of the play, also mounts up the humour. This is because they provide commotion and bewilderment amongst the characters which will be deduced as sardonic by the audience.

The character Feste reflects the...
The actual moral of the play is debatable.

Chrome

Jan 12, 2010

Essays / How to start an admission essay about myself? [67]

You could start with a quote of what people always to you/ about you. And explain whether you agree with what they say to you/about you and if its logical.E.g " Junkyard nerd". Explain why they say it to you/about you. Is it because you're so beautiful, or you read so much etc?

The conclusion should be more from the third person i think. Maybe write an opinion about the kind of person you are. It would live the reader thinking about the kind of person you are too.

Chrome

Jan 12, 2010

Essays / Help finding topics for a 2-3 page discriptive story [4]

Biggest mistake you could make in a short descriptive story is have an over complicated story or plot . My advice is just let the story unfold,describe one thing and then another and just let it flow. Describe how the rose blossoms how its bud flourishes and how it captures rays of the sun. Anything random,just let your mind blow free.

A very good teacher once told me, the main objective of a descriptive piece is to "Paint a picture with words, include sensory imagery,think abstract" This helped me a lot. Ive also stopped using dialogue or more than two characters. I think the more simple, the more beautiful the piece of writing and easier to imagine.

Chrome

Jun 2, 2009

Essays / My first essay-its on Thomas Hardy. [5]

Thesis,Understood,

If i write it on his biography isnt it pretty much like copying?Or when write his biography i put in my own opinions and maybe compare his life with some other authors'.Alright i think i understand.

I have read none of his work in fact i knew nothing about him until today,this essay was out of the blue,i guess ill have to do some quick researching,i now assume the teacher wants to see how quick and creative we can be with the little we know or something.

Oh yes brilliant i think i can try to combine his use of dialect,light and color with the historical context,as in descirbe the historical context and explain how i think it affected his works his dialect,beliefs etc.And maybe actually compare him and his works with a modern writers' or something...I hope the teacher finds what i try to do pleasantly creative.

Thank you...I think i now know the directing im heading to.

Chrome

Jun 2, 2009

Essays / My first essay-its on Thomas Hardy. [5]

This is my first coursework essay ever,and i am somehow meant to et an A*,and ive never read so much as read a B graded course work...

We are basically doing this on Thomas Hardy,the teacher just said that and jotted down a few points that we could focus on;forensic,inference,dialect,social contacts,influences,historical and biography,photographs ,use of light and use of colour.It is meant to be at least 3 pages and its due in 3 days.Thats all the information she said she would give.

How do i even start an essay like this properly...most of the essays ive looked at on the internet about Thomas Hardy are either arguing a point or comparing.(mostly about his philosophy and his books).And they start with quotations,questions and facts.

Dou you recommend i start with a fact too?Do i write about him from my opinion,what about quotations and references are they necessary,i havent read a single book of his.How and from which persepective do i write the conclusion about him on my last paragraph.What is the purpose of an essay which evolves around a person?

Can someone explain to me clearly what a thesis is?