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Posts by stephy7658
Name: YUE XING
Joined: Jul 20, 2014
Last Post: Aug 27, 2014
Threads: 3
Posts: 6  
Likes: 3
From: Australia

Displayed posts: 9
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stephy7658   
Aug 27, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS: 'various jobs can't be limited to a gender'; more women are taking over traditional male work [3]

Many women now do work which is traditionally done by men. Why do you think this change happened and what is your opinion?

In the present-day society, an increasing number of jobs which were more appropriate for men are taking control by women. This has drawn a controversial issue that whether men and women's work should be divided clearly. Some people believe that women should not perform men's job while some state otherwise. In my opinion, male and female should be treated equally when it comes to work.

It is reasonable and understandable that more women want to do a men's work. To begin with, confronting with such severe job competition and economic stress in the society, women can no longer play a role simply as a housewife. Some of them even can't be satisfied of being an office worker. In order to get higher rewards to relieve pressure from family, a growing number of women with great ambition tend to work in politics, economic region and even military area as men do.

Another convincing reason is that modern women tend to proof the fact that they are as strong and capable as men. In the old tradition, women were treated unequally when they were born. With generations of disputes and discriminations, present-day women try their best to break this traditional idea by performing the same work as men do in order to get more respects and to win a higher social status.

Personally, women and men play equally role in the society. Since women tend to be patient, thoughtful, careful in many aspects, they are fully capable in competence with men. History has whom that female military act more agilely in a war and women had greater potential of being spies and undercover. Furthermore, there is no clear definition of what a men's job is as there is no limit what a woman can't do.

In conclusion, various jobs can't be limited to genders. The fact that women are staring to challenge the work they don't used to do is a positive sign of social development.
stephy7658   
Jul 22, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS Air travel is becoming more welcomed by common people since its price is going down [5]

majority people

==majority of people

convincing arguments can be made that taking flights is more economical for all traveler s not only for wealthy for some reasons.
(I think this sentence sounds confusing..)
convincing arguments can be made that taking flights is not only for the wealthy, but also for all the travellers. (may be better)

it is not uncommon (double negative sounds a little bit strange for me..)
it is not hard/ it's relatively easy..

which can even save more money than by other transports
(I think there is an error in this sentence however i couldn't figure out a correct expression:)

Here are my advices, hope they are helpful.
Overall, it is a good essay.
GLGL
stephy7658   
Jul 21, 2014
Writing Feedback / An increasing amount of students have negative attitude of learning. Why is this happening? [5]

An increasing amount of students have negative attitude of learning. What do you think this is happening? What can be done about it?

In the present-day society, many educational problems have arisen. One of the serious issues is that an increasing number of students have negative feeling toward study. In my opinion, there are some possible causes of this phenomenon and some solutions can be taken into account.

To begin with, students today are given too much pressure from not only schools and parents, but also the society. Most of the students are told to confront with severe job-hunting competition since they are young. Under this cruel reality, the younger generations are given countless assignments and tests in order to get better academic performance. Gradually, students would study just for passing the exams and they lost interests in learning. Study is no longer fun but it is regarded as misery burdens.

Secondly, in most of the countries, some unnecessary subjects in curriculum are compulsory for students to take up, which are unlikely to help the majority of them in future career. Therefore, a science student may have to spend time remembering all the history questions while an art student may have to struggle with math problems. In the long- term, learning compulsory units that they don't actually need for building future career actually lessen their passion and energy in study.

However, I believe some measure can be done to relieve this situation. Firstly, parents and teachers should give less stress but more encouragements and motivations to the youngsters. Schools can set more scholarships as rewarded to courage more students to learn. Secondly, students should be told to aware that learning is happy. They should be told that it is the knowledge that helps us get rid of poverty to have a better live than those who live in poverty striken areas.

In conclusion, several factors contribute to the negative attitude towards studying. In my opinion, the whole society should try to help students to overcome these issues as possible as we can.
stephy7658   
Jul 21, 2014
Writing Feedback / Fast food is cheap and convenient therefore has positive impact on human eating habits [3]

i think you should write both side of views. Usually when the topic says ''some ppl think...while others think that...'',, it is better to write a both-side article even though you only support for one side. A balanced opinion may be more easier to discuss.

Since you support the view that fast food is a positive trend, firstly you can write some reasons why ppl believe that it is a negative trend. But you don't have to use too many words, you should only list some reasons of this argument.

In the next paragraph, you can say that you think the benefits of fast food outweigh the disadvantages. Then expand your ideas like what you've written, to refute the other side of view.
stephy7658   
Jul 21, 2014
Writing Feedback / Extinction of some languages will make life easier through improving the efficiency and employment [6]

1.Obiviously your paragraphs are unbalanced. You should expand the idea of what happen if languages are dying out.
Sometimes if i don't have the great reasons for the other side, I would write some 'what if' sentences. Try to think like 'What if there is only one language? ' i think it is an apagogical way to bring the essential consequences of the issue.

Here are my sentences.
Para 3
''Assuming that people all over the world would only speak one kind of language. This will only make the globe monotonous and the boundaries between countries would be vague. In contrast, various languages are the motivations that enrich people with enormous linguistic knowledge. Besides, disinctive anguages would be a impetus for tourist business which helps the growth of economy.

2. I think the structure of your second part is not that clear. You should follow 'Firstly, secondly..' so that the points are easy and obvious to find.

Hope it can be helpful to you.
stephy7658   
Jul 21, 2014
Writing Feedback / Nowadays, there is an ever increasing amount of noise in our everyday lives. Reasons and solutions [3]

Nowadays, there is an ever increasing amount of noise in our everyday lives. What are the reasons and what can we do about it?
Our present-day metropolises are no longer quiet as they used to be. The issue that there is an increasing amount of noise in our lives has drawn a widespread attention. I believe that several factors contribute to this phenomenon and some measures can be taken to deal with it.

To begin with, the majority of noises are given rise to modern technologies. Since our modern society is based on continuous production, plants and heavy machines in the factories are twenty-four seven functioning. Engines as one of the greatest noise producers are being used in everywhere. Beside, sharp noises coming from construction areas, horning form cars and the huge echo from aircrafts have totally breakthrough the silence of modern human society.

Secondly, growing population can be another factor that makes the city roaring. The greater number of people, the more human activities can be made which lead to noises. It is common to hear people yelling, shouting, celebrating or even fighting in the midnights, which seriously disturb others' lives.

Therefore, I believe that this problem can be relieved through the following measures. Firstly, if technologies create noises, human can also use it to reduce noises. For example, we can try to use more skills to prevent noises from creating when producing. Also, sound-proofing material can be used in the construction. Walls with special material can absorb more noises, thicker windows can prevent the sound from spreading. More importantly, everyone should increase their public awareness by controlling their behaviors and try not to disturb public environment.

In conclusion, although noise is a serious problem in the society, I convince that it can be controlled effectively through everyone's effort.
stephy7658   
Jul 21, 2014
Writing Feedback / Ielts: The world has seen an enormous increase in flights for leisure, business [5]

I think the reasons for both sides are not very good. And I think you should expand the ideas.
Here are my points, may not be good too but you can have a look.

Benefits:
1. Shorter the distances between people/ more convenient. (You've mentioned)
2. Pushing the development of economy, especially for tourism. Because of the flights, ppl can go wherever they want in anytime. This leads to more buying / selling behaviors. / more scenery and historical places can be found, more various culture can be spread among the public.

Disadvantages,
I think the main issue is about the potential risks of the flights. Compared with vehicles on the ground, the structure of the air rafts are more complex. Some unexpected problems are likely to happen however uneasy to be fixed. Many devastating accidents happened in the history and a great number of ppl have lost their lives.

That's all I can come up with...
Hope it can be helpful.
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