Unanswered [5]
  

Posts by yazoo
Name: John Lee
Joined: Aug 23, 2014
Last Post: Dec 17, 2014
Threads: 4
Posts: 7  
From: United States of America
School: Thomas Jefferson

Displayed posts: 11
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yazoo   
Dec 17, 2014
Undergraduate / A look into Culture - it lives inside of us in the form of our senses [2]

In addition to the essay you have written for the Common Application, please write an essay of about 500 words (no more than 650 words and no less than 250 words). Using one of the themes below as a starting point, write about a person, event, or experience that helped you define one of your values or in some way changed how you approach the world. Please do not repeat, in full or in part, the essay you wrote for the Common Application.

4. "Culture is what presents us with the kinds of valuable things that can fill a life. And insofar as we can recognize the value in those things and make them part of our lives, our lives are meaningful." Gideon Rosen, Stuart Professor of Philosophy, chair of the Council of the Humanities and director of the Program in Humanistic Studies, Princeton University.

When I left for United States, my parents snatched away a crucial part of my essence. I was being kidnapped. Literally. For years my grandparents took care of me in a suburban city in southern China, but life there approached a dead end. Suddenly, I lost the idyllic smell of the nearby countryside villages, the taste of the small appetizers served on steamer baskets, and, above all, the Cantonese of my past. I spent forever building up a history and identity, how could anyone take this away?

Like anybody else, the frustration of losing an identity eventually ceased when I adopted a new American lifestyle. Growing up, I was always fearful of being too 'Oriental' in front of my classmates. Not wanting others to label me as 'ABC' or American-born Chinese, I had to classify myself as either Chinese or American, not both. At dinner, I preferred to eat with a big metal spoon, refusing to sacrifice the utensil to the sluggishness of the chopsticks. Sometimes, when my grandparents call me over Skype, I try to ignore them, feeling the shame of not being able to speak Cantonese effectively. I was swept away by an American dream.

In the midst of a fast paced lifestyle, it wasn't until my junior year of high school that I took a long breath to rediscover my past in a different form. Performing at the States Arts Culture Series sponsored by Music Arts International, I entered a realm where music and culture clashed. One of the required piano pieces was not the typical Western style compositions but rather a Chinese folk song: "Reflection on a Lake" by Peixun Chen. The first time, I did not know where to begin as I scanned the notes, completely dumbfounded by the unconventional organization of the pentatonic intervals. Immediately, I took the piece to my piano teacher, and she was able to break it into comprehensible chunks. In practice rooms, she slowly guided me through the piece and its foreign attributes. She talked about placement, how your fingers should touch the keys at the cushion to convey the mood the composer wanted. She talked about pedaling, how your feet should release quickly to catch the first note of each measure. When I finally mastered the touch, I was lost in another musical paradise, yet this time something echoed from the past. The pentatonic scales and Chinese melody now seemed all too familiar, a reminiscent of my background.

Personally, I struggled to recuperate with my old past by following traditional cultural practices, but I somehow felt emotionally stirred by the Chinese melody of the folk song. I guided this emotional force into motivating myself to rebuild the traditional music, language, and practices I once knew. Just this summer, I volunteered for three weeks at a Chinese school summer camp. The experience was enlightening because I realized sharing a culture and teaching Chinese language to little kids could be such a painless act. Not long afterwards, I traveled back to China to reunite with the grandparents who once were my guardians.

I recognize the power music can bring to the ears. Evoking in me the emotions that words and pictures cannot, it invites us to revisit who we truly are. Culture is not just governed by everyday routines such as food, language, and clothing but rather can live inside of us in the form of our senses. Culture blends itself into a different entity like music and follows us wherever we go, waiting for us to open the door so it can enter back into our lives. Culture endures through the most transitional phases in life.
yazoo   
Dec 17, 2014
Undergraduate / Contributing to Macalester community, personally and academically [5]

Wow, great essay overall. You have great organization and provide solid details about how you can contribute to Macalester. Since you have a 1000 word limit, maybe you can elaborate more on how you can enrich the global community with the skills acquired at this university?
yazoo   
Aug 29, 2014
Undergraduate / computer science and virtual reality [NEW]

Please help me revise my essay. This is my first draft. Any specific suggestions about grammar and language style/flow would be most helpful to me.

Please submit a one-page, single-spaced essay that explains why you have chosen Carnegie Mellon and your particular major(s), department(s) or program(s). This essay should include the reasons why you've chosen the major(s), any goals or relevant work plans and any other information you would like us to know. If you are applying to more than one college or program, please mention each college or program to which you are applying. Because our admission committees review applicants by college and programs, your essay can impact our final decision. Please do not exceed one page for this essay.

I took Fundamentals of Computer Science through Carnegie Mellon's APEA program. The six week compressed semester was a long and brutal one. I knew I had to stay alert because Professor Hilbert would throw chalk at anyone who was sleeping, even if you were sitting in the back row of the lecture hall. He wanted everyone to succeed and not fall behind, and that is why I admire him and the entire computer science school- their commitment to giving us students the best learning environment. But despite the fast paced progression of the class, Professor Greg Hilbert still managed to open a new door that I inevitably entered, showing me the true inner beauty of computer science. Like engineering and other applied sciences, the field of computer science solves real world problems. But as Hilbert emphasized, computer science allows the programmers to build their own a virtual world to simulate physical reality.

Let us examine a problem. A large area of a forest is burning and emergency crew members need to estimate the area of the fire. To simulate this, Hilbert designed a two dimensional array that represented the entire forest. He then shaded some cells to represent points that are on fire, subsequently planting a "seed" at a point in the blob. Finally, Hilbert implemented a flood fill recursion method to expand outwards from this seed to keep count of the shaded cells. In my mind, and probably in Hilbert's mind, this technique of designing a virtual reality to simulate a plethora of scenarios is purely brilliant. I love the freedom and power of virtual reality that transgresses the rules established in the physical universe. "Virtual reality builds its own set of guidelines to work around", I vividly remember Hilbert saying. Because of this freedom and versatility, sculpting an algorithm has helped me conquer greater challenges like the ones he demonstrated.

Programming has been a tool that helped me become more successful in my math ventures. Because programming and mathematics are so close together, I have often programmed algorithms to help solve complex math problems. Recently, I participated in the United States Mathematical Talent Search (USAMTS), where some problems require me to solve complex puzzles with a given set of rules. This is where programming comes in. While "traditional" problem solvers may bash out the problem by hand, I developed an innovative algorithm to solve the problem both effectively and efficiently. The process is simple to understand: acknowledge your limits and rules, design a method to loop through all possible cases, and finally return values that satisfy those rules established earlier.

I believe virtual reality is beautiful - the code that builds this reality is unrestrained and applicable to fields not necessarily in the computer science discipline. This is why I want to attend the Carnegie Mellon's school of Computer Science, to experience the brilliance of computer language and the beauty of creating this virtual reality that can relate to our physical world. Most of all, the school would fuel my need to express my ideas at a more complex level. For someone with no creativity they are lost when handed a blank canvas. But for me, I use my creativity and problem solving skills to paint a blank canvas into something beautiful. A virtual world containing lines of code looks like gibberish to an inept audience, but pure wonder to someone who can read and master the language.
yazoo   
Aug 29, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS : rural to major city : challenges and strategies? [7]

it might lead to misunderstanding, annoyance or even relationship damaging

take out the relationship damaging ...i would probably change it with ..."or even damaged relationships"
yazoo   
Aug 29, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS: Gentle manners vs Material possessions. [7]

"In conclusion, I believe that the value of kindness outweighs any material possession and keeps being the most important achievement of everyone"

maybe this sentence has a little awkward phrasing, you should change the "keeps being" into something like "...is the most important achievement..."
yazoo   
Aug 23, 2014
Undergraduate / Senator Mark Kirk - Why do you want to join a Service Academy? (Nomination) [7]

Good essay so far. I like how you gave a quote in the beginning - its a great hook! Maybe you can add on by talking more about those traits: compassion, sacrifice, and endurance. Also try to provide specific examples in your life that shows that you have those traits.
yazoo   
Aug 23, 2014
Writing Feedback / 'new and exciting sport should be welcomed' - IELTS: Essay on whether to ban dangerous sports [2]

Very good essay so far. Here are my grammar suggestions:

"should let people do what they want yet put them under some regulations keep them safe."
under some regulations to keep them safe

". Thus, a ban is extremely needed not only for the sake of the people but also the governments"
Keep the parallelism - I suggest
thus, a ban is extremely needed for the sake of not only the people but also the governments

"do no harm but to bring health and happiness"
take out the to

"or free them from limitation and accepting the new things"
free them from limitation and accept the new things
yazoo   
Aug 23, 2014
Undergraduate / The Transcendence of a Stage - transition from childhood to adulthood [5]

Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your culture, community, or family.

The backstage crowd bustled with energy and excitement on the night of the big show. The windowless room, filled with gleeful actors, musicians, and singers talking and roaming about, enraged me even more as I sat nervously on the director's chair looking at clock straight ahead. Tick tock, tick tock. When the clock struck six, I would have to leave. I would have to escape from this temporary safe haven and face the outside world. Nobody knew that I, a classical piano player completely in a different ballpark from modern day singers, would be selected to play for a talent show competition that is suppose to excite a crowd yearning for the comedians or the magicians. However, against all odds, I prepared for this day, the infamous Happy Valley's Got Talent Show.

This was the second year the community has decided to do this show. Last year's was an instant success. This year they added a special twist. The money collected from the show would go to a local charity called Tides, a peer support program that helps struggling kids recuperate from the death of a love one. I knew that even though this was a competition, fighting for a humanitarian cause came first. I wanted to do my part to give hope for kids not as lucky as I am.

A drop of sweat swiftly leaked down from my chin as I lurched up the stairs to the front stage. Six o'clock finally arrived - it was my turn. Walking towards the sleek grand piano placed firmly in the center of the stage, I stared out, and the crowd seemed like an ocean wave, swaying up and down, ready to wash down on me. Disregarding the monotonous stares, I placed my sweaty hands on the wooden black and white keys - and played.

The music I selected to play was Franz Liszt's Un Sospiro. It is a rather peaceful piece, with embellished arpeggios and cascading scale runs. Taking my teacher's advice as I glided through the keys, I imagine the scenery of the whispering wind stretching over the vastness of the forest valley. Branches calmly swaying to and fro - to and fro like my hands floating across the keyboard. Evaporating in a fog of musical color, the epic ends as I pressed the chords one by one, gently lifting my hands up as I caress the final resolution. I stood up to bow, and a sudden triumph drifted within my soul. I am done. Peace had come despite the roaring claps from the crowd that still echoes through the auditorium as I walk down the stage.

For the moment, pure human joy completely transcended the struggles leading up to this performance. It was more than the notes. It was the complete satisfaction of playing and taking risks. Happiness comes when you work hard. Happiness comes when the work you have done leads up to the ultimate test. Happiness comes when you have passed this test. Happiness comes when you are rewarded by the tumultuous claps of the crowd. Finally, happiness comes when you know that the work you put in ultimately gives back to the community. This is what fundraising is all about: the satisfaction of giving and helping others, traits that no one is born with but blossoms inside the heart of those who understands their responsibility within the community.
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