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Posts by cy20070324
Joined: Sep 19, 2014
Last Post: Sep 20, 2014
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cy20070324   
Sep 20, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS - young people's challenges in major cities [7]

With major cities continue growing, are there any problems to young people? How to solve these problems?

Nowadays, metropolises have seized our attention with their constant expansion. At the same time, problems also emerge, especially regarding the youth who are attracted by the spectacular life there. In my opinion, there are two key problems facing those young adults, namely, the difficulties to hunt jobs and start a stable relationship, but they can be mitigated if dealt with properly.

In my view, seeking employment and finding Mr. /Ms. Right represent the two major daunting tasks facing young adults these days. First of all, since there are countless young people who gravitate towards the colorful life in the cities, competition for a decent post can be cut-throat. Although equipped with bilingual ability, computer proficiency, and diploma from accredited educational institutions, young people still feel stressful to find satisfying jobs. Another area where young adults experience difficulties is that they are short of time and stamina to start a romantic relationship, since the fast-paced city life devours too much of their leisure time and energy by forcing them to work overtime.

Nonetheless, there are some strategies that can help mitigate these above-mentioned problems. To start with, by allocating more budgets to boost emerging industries that can offer more job to the youth, the government can relieve the stress on the youth to look for decent jobs. For instance, through government investment in the IT industry, which represents a crucial magnet absorbing high-caliber young employment seekers, enterprises can supply more suitable posts for the young. As for the lack of time and energy to engage in a romantic relationship, the young should avail themselves of the state-of-the-art technologies online and register in those dating websites, which can expand their dating pool with no sacrifice on their devotion to career.

To sum up, while it is true that young people need to tackle challenges, such as finding a suitable post and starting a romantic relationship, endeavors from the government and individuals can alleviate these problems, e.g. investment in strategic industries and making use of dating websites.

Please kindly rate it on a scale of 0 to 9. THANKS!
cy20070324   
Sep 20, 2014
Essays / "Reasons for wishing to work with a particular group"; Suggestions on how to write [3]

I'm thinking to start with my childhood in a Asian culture ( spoon-fed education system),then how the education system in the UK is different and how the professor motivates me and finally the reason I want to study in that uni and the group (i.e. like research interests).

I don't think it is too personal. Other the other hand, I think it is your unique experience that makes you stand out among other candidates.

However, I do think that two pages are too long if you are talking about A4. As there is no word limit, just concisely tell your story and end naturally. Concision makes everything better.
cy20070324   
Sep 20, 2014
Writing Feedback / 'I argue that children's behavior does not rely on by television' - IELTS WRITING TASK 2 [3]

Children are nation's expectation and media are sources of knowledge for the development of nation. Recently, an enhancing the amount of violence on the media such as television influenced the negative side of children's behavior because as the reality that children's sense is imitating. Although this surely authentic for some people, I argue that children's behavior does not rely on by television; parents and educational stakeholders have more main role in this case.

You made good efforts regarding the thesis statement. I can spot it out at once because you adopted phrases such as Although..., I argue. Sorry, but to me, there are too many grammatical errors in this paragraph, e.g. "an enhancing the amount", "such as television influenced", " this surely authentic". The same mistakes abound throughout your essay, which, unfortunately hinder understanding.

Overall, I must congratulate you on your endeavors to stake out your position clearly and your use of connectives. Your restatement of your thesis in the last paragraph also demonstrates that your were trying to be coherent.

However, maybe you can proofread your essay more carefully before submission, this way, others can provide more substantial help to you because they can grasp what you intend to express.
cy20070324   
Sep 19, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS: Without communication technology and transport, the foundation of modern life will crumple [2]

Now people in many countries can live and work anywhere they choose with improved communication technology and transport. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Nowadays, communication technologies and transport are of critical significance, as they enable people to live anywhere on this planet without being cut off from the world. While some may consider this phenomenon beneficial to the humankind, I hold that it renders more losses than gains, since these cutting-edge technologies subject people to work 24/7 and alienate them from one another.

Admittedly, communication technology and transport make modern life more convenient by allowing people to meet and chat anywhere at any time. Exchange students, for example, can still keep in touch with their family members frequently via Skype without having to fly across the globe. Not only does this help save budgets but it also saves time that would be spent during the flight.

However, people, even intimates, feel estranged from one another because of these new technologies. In the past, people greeted each other face to face and sent their best regards to their beloved ones on special days. Yet, these days, a text message or an electronic birthday card can replace that tangible contact, leaving people to recall those good old days in a nostalgic manner.

Another problem that comes with the improved communication technology and transport is that these things increase people's workload as they make people reachable 24/7. No matter it is on a picturesque and faraway island or in a mountainous region in the opposite hemisphere, the enhanced communication and transport facilitates interference from work in leisure time, making people only a call away from their desks in the workplace.

In conclusion, without communication technology and transport, the foundation of modern life will crumple. However, I still believe they bring more disadvantages than advantages, such as estrangement among people and constant exposure to responsibilities at work.

Kindly rate this essay on a scale of 0 to 9. THANKS!
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