Posts by Lucy2457

Lucy2457

Oct 28, 2014

Undergraduate / "Where shall I put this?" "The projector isn't working!" [2]

Great essay! I love the questions at the beginning. I would say just a few minor points. Make sure you keep your tense consistent, you sometimes switch between past and present. Also, there are just a few words that could be made into synonyms. I have highlighted some changes in green. Good luck!

"Where shall I put this?"
"The projector isn't working!"
"What do we do with the raffle prizes?"
When frantic volunteers fire question after question at me , I look up from my clipboard and calmly deliver their solutions. Satisfied, the volunteers run off just as another herd comes barreling toward me. It was the night before our benefit concert, and so much still needed to be done. As I continue to direct volunteers, I realize just how much we have grown. I could still remember rushing around with only three other supporters during the first year of my foundation, attempting to accomplish work meant for a huge team . Now, after many years later, the foundation has grown to include dozens of capable volunteers that are equally as passionate about my cause. These advocates understand and share the same vision of providing choral scholarships to children passionate about music who otherwise cannot afford a music education. Together we fight to change lives. Today is Memorial Day, and most people are relaxing with their families and enjoying the break. Yet, as I look around, everyone is lively and content about spending their day in this manner. Here, amidst all the chaos, I see my community. We all share the bond of service, a bond stronger than any blood or relation. All of us are willing to sacrifice for the cause and are diligent about making a difference for what we believe in. I couldn't be prouder to lead this group of champions .

Lucy2457

Oct 27, 2014

Undergraduate / "What's the flow rate?" asks my coworker - "28.32 seconds" I replied - NOAA Internship - Stanford [2]

Stanford students possess an intellectual vitality. Reflect on an idea or experience that has been important to your intellectual development.
"What's the flow rate?" asks Chance, my coworker, hovering over the keyboard.
"28.32 seconds," I read from my calculator. He enters the number, and moments later the data appears in a neat line. I begin using the flow meter on the next ozone instrument, or "ozonesonde," preparing it for the lab conditioning test. When the ozonesonde collects air samples, the flow rate value helps determine the amount of ozone in that air. Measuring flow rates is one of my everyday responsibilities at the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration. My internship there has been key to my intellectual development outside of a classroom.

When I began working in NOAA's ozone lab two years ago, I had no idea where my broad interests in science would take me. Since then, NOAA has led me to discover my passions for engineering and environmental conservation. It has given me practical information about atmospheric science and climate change, reinforcing my fascination and curiosity with the new data we collect each day. Most importantly, my last two years at NOAA have revealed how important each and every individual is in the scientific discovery process. From the student intern measuring flow rates to the Ph.D analyzing statistics, everyone makes a vital contribution.

This lesson has followed me outside of the lab. In the larger scheme of things, one person may seem insignificant. However, my experience at NOAA has taught me that we each have the ability to leave a tangible mark on the world.

Thank you for reading!

Lucy2457

Oct 24, 2014

Undergraduate / a personal quirk is a part of who you are; supplemental essay [8]

This is an excellent start. I have gone through your essay, and I think you may be closer to the required word count. In the edits, green is something I have changed, while red is something I have taken out. Take these edits with a grain of salt- you should ask someone close to you to edit this as well, so they can tell you if it sounds like your voice. Good luck!

I love to look at myself. In the mirror, in the reflection of car windows on the street, in puddles on the sidewalk , anywhere I can stop and to gaze at myself. Strangers may believe I amover concerned with my appearance . However, I see this personal quirk as a way of daily examining myself through an outsider's eyes.

It started with my roommate's snores. One night, fed up with her ceaseless noises, I stormed over to her bed, ready to wake her. As I approached her, I saw my reflection in our enormous mirror . I was shocked at the person before me: an impatient, irritable girll , whose personality was as explosive as a volcano. I gazed at myself, coming to my senses, recalling our valuable friendship. My anger was gradually decreased,my facial expression returning to its usual tranquility. Instead of reproving my roommate, I modified my own breathing pace to match her snores. That night, her never ending rumble of snores seemed to disappear

That's how I find out the unnoticed function of mirror. It awares me of my immaturity and prompt me to adjust my inappropriate behavior.
My quirky love for myself looking back at me has taught me to consistently think twice before acting . The process of carefully perceiving my reflection is a form of self-exploration . It has helped me develop a sense of empathy for others., and apply it in dealing with uncomfortable moments like bothered by my roommate's snores. What's more, it helps me better understand what others are going through, feel as others feel, think as others think, and create true harmony.

I love looking at myself; I love self-discovery; I love the subsequent contemplation. Moreover, I love the journey of developing strong traits for the rest of my life.

Lucy2457

Oct 24, 2014

Undergraduate / I believe in laughter. Stanford Supplement Essay [6]

Wow, thank you all for your insightful advice and your praise! I really appreciate you reading my essay. I have edited the last two paragraphs, here they are in case you would like to look them over.

"When Jeremiah passed away five years ago, it was difficult to laugh for a long stretch of time. The shock of his young death was utterly heartbreaking. My perfect fit was no longer in my life. My serious, introverted side took me over.

Once my grief began to subside, I realized I didn't have to let Jeremiah go. I could embrace his joyful, energetic spirit and learn from his infinite young wisdom. Jeremiah knew that laughter makes daily worries melt away; it is the ultimate expression of living in the moment, the visible embodiment of happiness. I have kept Jeremiah's lessons with me today. While I do have prevalent qualities of seriousness, composure, and thoughtfulness, what matters to me most is enjoying the present with a good laugh."

Lucy2457

Oct 23, 2014

Undergraduate / The silence was deafening. Tennis court - Common App Essay [4]

This is genuinely wonderful. It is captivating and personal, just what schools are looking for. There are only a few grammatical things to point out.

"It's moments such as these that I cherish. When I walk onto a tennis court, I am in an environment where I am perfectly content." Instead, say "It's moments like these that I cherish. When I walk onto a tennis court, I am perfectly content."

And for "To me, time seemed to slow down, and it felt as if I had all eternity to retrieve the ball. I sprinted faster than I ever had before, and flicked the ball crosscourt. At that instant, everybody stopped, and watched the ball spin past my opponent and land on the sideline." Instead, write "Time seemed to slow down. I felt as if I had all eternity to retrieve the ball. I sprinted faster than I ever had before, flicking the ball crosscourt. The audience held their breath, watching the ball spin past my opponent to land on the sideline."

In general, just take out a few of the filler words to help it flow better. Again, great job. Also congratulations on your tennis! Good luck!

Lucy2457

Oct 23, 2014

Undergraduate / "Observe the Global Warming " - An intellectual experience. Dartmouth supplement [3]

This is a good start! There are several things I might consider.
1. Rather than "global warming", say "climate change." It seems to be the preferred term now, because many people are arguing that we are experiencing "global cooling."

2. Make "vacationland" into "vacation land" or "tourist getaway"
3. Take out "consisted of particular matter," Just say, "always held a vest to shelter her face."
4. Did the man who talked to you stop his motor bike? The motor of his car? Elaborate.
Good luck!

Lucy2457

Oct 23, 2014

Undergraduate / I believe in laughter. Stanford Supplement Essay [6]

What matters to you, and why?
I believe in laughter. From the humble giggle to the uncontrollable, out-of-breath crack up, laughter can change the course of a day. Laughter has the power to heal, to calm, and to accentuate the joy of life.

When I was in fifth grade, my best friend was a short, freckled, red-haired ball of energy named Jeremiah. He was the antithesis to my serious shyness, but he was my perfect fit. Jeremiah found humor in anything, from bouncing on the trampoline to the concussion he got from wrestling with his dad. Perhaps my fondest memory is laughing with Jeremiah as our bare feet scurried through the green summer grass, soaking up the fleeting bliss of childhood.

When Jeremiah passed away five years ago, I found it difficult to laugh. The shock of his young death was utterly heartbreaking. My perfect fit was no longer in my life. My serious, introverted side took me over.

Once my grief began to subside, I realized I couldn't let Jeremiah go. I had to embrace his joyful, energetic spirit and learn from his infinite childhood wisdom. Laughter is the ultimate example of living in the moment. With laughter, worry melts away. Genuine joy takes over. Laughter is the visible embodiment of happiness, a state everyone strives for.

Jeremiah taught me that laughter is a requirement for a happy life. While I now have many qualities of seriousness, composure, and thoughtfulness, in the end what matters to me is enjoying the present.

Lucy2457

Oct 19, 2014

Undergraduate / At stressful moments, I sit anxiously at my desk, turn my candle on, and peer at this flame [2]

This is very interesting! For your last word, maybe say "fire" instead of "firestorm". It is more simple and powerful. Also, maybe use different words than "cherry mango" to describe the flame- Pink tinged? Ruby red?

I might rewrite this quote: "Overweight, heavy panting, deep thoughts about resignation: words that portray those initial arduous days." Instead, something like "In those initial arduous days, poisonous words followed me. Overweight. Exhausted. Resignation."

Great job and good luck!

Lucy2457

Oct 19, 2014

Undergraduate / Fourth grade was finally over and it was a hot, June day - bad or unlucky at first, but good later [2]

This is a very good event to write about. In this quote here, I would recommend a few things.

"Fourth grade was finally over and it was a hot, June day. I was awakened by the footsteps of my mom entering my room.

"Dad and I have decided to send you to India for fifth grade. your flight is next week."
I stared ahead in stunned disbelief. "But it's only been a week since summer vacation started!"
"Well, the new school year has already started in India. We want you to be exposed to the education there."
They must have mistaken my reluctance for agreement, because a week later I was on a plane.
Although my parents sent me to India for the education, the experience itself taught me the most. "

Great job and good luck!

Lucy2457

Oct 19, 2014

Undergraduate / "Eat Veggies, Not Friends" - Vegan Roommate - Stanford Essay (Supplement) [4]

Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. Write a note to your future roommate that reveals something about you or that will help your roommate-and us-know you better.

Dear Roommate,
From the moment you enter our room, one thing will be blatantly apparent to you. I am a vegan. My tee shirts bear vegan sayings such as "Eat Veggies, Not Friends," and you will notice my own vegan poster art and animal sketches on the walls. The mini fridge we share will be stocked with hummus, quinoa, and coconut milk ice cream, my favorite vegan essentials. I have been a vegan since I was sixteen years old, and veganism is an integral part of my personality and character.

I am excited to share my passion for veganism with you. However, I understand that not everyone has the same principles as I do, food or otherwise. I will never bash your favorite foods, but when you order pepperoni pizza I will stick to my cheeseless mushroom and spinach thin crust. They both taste equally delicious during late night study sessions. If for some reason you have an eternal hatred for vegans, never fear. I am also a spirited Ultimate Frisbee player, a recreational artist, and a dedicated environmentalist. I would love to throw a frisbee with you, draw you a portrait, or go on a nature hike with you. These are just a few of my values that I am excited to tell you about. I will be happy to share my dark chocolate with you if you will share your opinions and passions with me.

Sincerely,
Lucy

Lucy2457

Oct 19, 2014

Undergraduate / "The Clintons just want a dynasty." - Common App Essay Transition to adulthood [3]

Good organization of the essay, but you may want to ask yourself, "Have I answered the question?" Maybe emphasize the event of joining Debate more. Also, did you say "The Clintons just want a dynasty" in your example at the beginning of your essay? Finish that story.

Lucy2457

Oct 19, 2014

Undergraduate / High In the Sky--Common App: An environment where I'm perfectly content and what it means to me [4]

I really enjoyed reading this! Your word choice is very good. When you are talking about meeting strangers, I might take out "daring challenge" and replace it with something like "adventure". Also, your last sentence seems a little detached. Maybe say something along the lines of, "An airplane flight is an ordeal to some, but there is no place I would rather be." Good luck!

Lucy2457

Oct 19, 2014

Undergraduate / I have become best friends with a stationary saw - I feel great working on my tiny house. [4]

Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content. What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to you?

BIG / TINY HOUSE

I have become close personal friends with a stationary saw. I am an expert in the art of applying construction adhesive. My weekends have been consumed by tape measures, two by fours, and drill bits. I am building a tiny house, a 128 square foot home on a trailer. So far, the house is only a frame, but I have already made many proud accomplishments. The project has challenged me and helped to expand my horizons. It reflects myself and my values, and it relates to the future life I want to live.

The secluded yard that acts as my building site is enclosed by trees exploding with bright red apples, their branches barely revealing the snow-capped Rockies in the distance. The crisp air has a lingering scent of sawdust, and the occasional owl can be heard just after sunset. Within this picturesque setting, I am able to build to my heart's content. My building materials consist of my dad's dusty power tools, a few stacks of lumber and windows, and my sixteen foot long trailer. Here, I have learned construction jargon such as "header", "joist", and "sinkers." I have hauled countless pieces of lumber with inexperienced muscles. I have used some particularly frightening power tools. It is utter heaven.

Why on earth would I build a house in my backyard? My parents skeptically asked me the same question several months ago. Last year, I spent hours pouring over tiny house video tours, blogs, and floor plans. Around the same time, I was searching for an idea for my Senior Culminating Project, a requirement of my high school. I made an ambitious decision- to build a tiny house. I knew I had all the resources on the internet at my fingertips. I had the time, the space, and a summer job to help pay for the materials. I eagerly began my plan, oblivious to what lay ahead of me.

What originally started as a challenging project has taken on a much larger meaning. While knowing how to use a nail gun is certainly useful in modern society, the process of building a tiny house has already taught me infinitely more. I have budgeted my own precious funds, communicated with potential donors, and persevered through mistaken measurements and splintered thumbs. Tiny houses also embody all of my interests. The simplicity and mindfulness involved in tiny house living is perfect for my environmentalist philosophies. The design elements of my house correspond to my fondness for art. The architectural principles of weight distribution, structure, and precision in carpentry all involve my interest in mathematics and engineering.

My tiny house has been a series of small accomplishments. I have reaffirmed my interests, and I have opened doors to new ones. I have challenged myself and learned unique skills. Building my tiny house, surrounded by apple trees and breathing in sawdust-scented air, is an experience that I am sincerely proud of.