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Posts by kitakaname
Joined: Nov 8, 2014		 Last Post: Nov 23, 2014
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kitakaname   
Nov 23, 2014
Undergraduate / Samsae-third generation Korean immigrant-born in Japan - learned of my Korean and Japanese heritage [10]

Hi, vangiespen! Well... it is a pretty hard suggestions...haha, but I am sure I will try.
well, but unlike most of the Korean immigrants, I have never come in contact with Korean cultures. Rather, I have known little about my origin until my grandfather passed away. Thus, I have never thought that I was even Korean. But since my grandfather passed away, i came to think that I did not want to throw my heritage and became interested in learning it. Any way I wil write them too.
kitakaname   
Nov 22, 2014
Undergraduate / Samsae-third generation Korean immigrant-born in Japan - learned of my Korean and Japanese heritage [10]

Hi, vangiespen! Thank you for your quick reply! To tell the truth, I also want to reperesent my "hybrid Korean-Japanese" personality in some ways. But I am not sure how and where I can talk about those topics in this essay:( so if possible could you give me some suggestions so that I can revise it more? Any way thank you for helping me all the time!!
kitakaname   
Nov 21, 2014
Undergraduate / Samsae-third generation Korean immigrant-born in Japan - learned of my Korean and Japanese heritage [10]

Thank you for your comments. I actually rewrote my essay again, could you once look over it?

Samsae

"By the way, what are you?"
For what seems like my entire life, this kind of questions referring to my race have countlessly showed up in front of me. Every time I am asked, however, I think they are all nonsense. Being a samsae-third generation Korean immigrant-born in Japan, I have never been able to define myself by my race or country where I was born; instead, I believe that I have grown up to be a hybrid, living in the middle of two different identities with two different values.

I began to appreciate my Korean heritage when I began to be involved in a Korean-Japanese history museum located in Shin Okubo, Tokyo-Tokyo's biggest Korean town. For the past two years, I have spent every Saturday attending classes at this museum to learn Korean history, cultures, and language. My early days at this museum was a harsh experience for me. Not having learned Korean cultures before, I felt pain about my ignorance of my heritage although I was of Korean descent. The more I have learned in this environment, however, the more my Korean heritage have become important part of myself. Over the years, I have come to realize that the journey to explore my roots has opened up my eyes to a considerably new perspective, reinforcing the meaning of my ancestral cultures to me. Being immersed in the flood of Japanese cultures, I failed to acknowledge the presence of my heritage in life; now I have begun to value the traditions of my birthright, and even more, become willing to keep connected with them.

Since my sophomore, I have worked as a tour-guide and as an interpreter at this museum. As the only volunteer of Korean descent who speaks Korean and Japanese, I handled both Korean and Japanese tourists. While interacting with tourists, I often projected myself into them and tried to figure out our similarities. After a few months of my involvement in this activity, I began to perceive myself differently. I realized my own idiosyncrasies that three generations of my family history have brought me. Explaining the exhibitions to the tourists from South Korea, I often noticed that they were bewildered by my Korean with a strong Japanese accent. Furthermore, Japanese tourists who asked about my name sometimes did not understand why I have my Japanese name but do not have my Korean name. With all of these traits, I have also developed my identity as well. As a Japanese citizen of Korean ancestry, I have learned to celebrate my both backgrounds as a way to find a place in the world where I can fit in. Embracing all of my idiosyncrasies-in which Korean and Japanese cultures coexist-have eventually allowed me to build up a more secured relationship between myself and external world.

The Korean-Japanese museum has provided me with a valuable opportunity to learn the relationships of myself, my upbringing, and my roots. I have come to realize the importance of celebrating my own individuality, and recognizing differences. Even when I am aspiring to cross my boundary to a new culture, I will never forget the world that created me, but I would like to welcome differences. This is the world I live, and this is my hybridism I thrive in.
kitakaname   
Nov 18, 2014
Undergraduate / Samsae-third generation Korean immigrant-born in Japan - learned of my Korean and Japanese heritage [10]

Hi, this is my personal statement for UCs. I am currently looking for some comments and editings!! Since my first language is not English, if possible I would like somebody to correct my grammar, too!

Prompt; Describe the world you come from--for example, your family, school or community--and tell us how the world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

Samsae

Being a samsae-third generation Korean immigrant-born in Japan, I have always learned of my Korean and Japanese heritage in a considerable amount of ways. Starting from when I was ten, I have studied Korean as a second language besides using Japanese as a main language of my everyday life. In addition, my family has also helped me cultivate my sense of my identities in being Korean and Japanese, teaching me the importance to celebrate my both backgrounds. Not having a country where I sincerely belong to sometimes makes me feel a sense of emptiness, but I have learned to enjoy living in middle of two different identities with two different values through the three years of my activities.

[...]
kitakaname   
Nov 18, 2014
Writing Feedback / A common phenomenon that people who live in flourishing city are leading a life with lower qualities [4]

My essay:Currently,it has been a common phenomenon that people who live in flourishing city are leading a life with lower qualities.Some people do not have regularly meals and often stay late at night,which makes their body wunhealthy

"Furthermore, the another reason for this problem is the poor environment in big cities because of the heavy traffic and developing industries. The more big cities become flourished, the more people become able to afford cars (you should find two more!), which are supposed to increase the traffic volume. In addition, a number of factories being built can also cause the environmental problems in big cities."
kitakaname   
Nov 15, 2014
Undergraduate / My Korean Heritage - UC Personal Statement [3]

Hi, I am currently looking for some comments and editings for my UC personal statement. Since my mother tongue is not English, if possible I would like you to correct some grammers as well. Any advice will be greatly appreciated!

Prompt:Describe the place you come from-for example, your family, community or school-and tell us how the world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

My Korean heritage

Being a third generation Korean immigrant born in Japan, I always enjoyed learning of my Korean heritage in a considerable amount of ways. Starting from when I was ten, I studied Korean as a second language besides using Japanese as a main language of my everyday life. My grandparents played an important role in cultivating my sense of identity in being Korean. They taught me how much they valued their ethnic traditions inherited from generation to generation. In an attempt to connect myself with my heritage, I also began to contribute to the community of ethnic Korean resides in Tokyo, and this activity later became the center of my life.

Throughout my high school life, I have been extremely involved in a Korean-Japanese history museum located in Shin Okubo, Tokyo-Tokyo's biggest Korean town. Since its founding, the Korean-Japanese museum has promoted the relationships between Japanese and ethnic Korean residents at a political and at an interpersonal in terms of understanding their mutual history. As a Japanese citizen of Korean ancestry, I have always been concerned about the political conflicts between the two countries I have felt most familiar. For the past three years, I have engaged in the storytelling activity at this museum and communicated with many people, including ethnic Korean students, right-winged activists, and normal Japanese citizens. With its unique environment, the Korean-Japanese museum offers various opportunities to learn the frictions in our history and makes me aware of the need to find out cooperative actions for this problems.

I have also gotten involved with their Cross-Cultural Understanding Programs, inviting tourists from both Japanese and Korean community. As a bilingual who speaks both Japanese and Korean, I have worked as a tour-guide and as an interpreter, and I explained the traditional cultures Korean residents retained over the years in Japan. In addition, tourists often asked me my own personal experience and perspectives because I was the only tour-guide of Korean descent. This experience allowed me to become more interested in my Korean heritage, reinforcing the meaning of my ancestral cultures for my life. Through the interaction with these tourists, I had the chance to come in close contact with and better understand Korean cultures as well as help teach Japanese history and cultures.

In 2015, I am going to the United States of America-a country where people and cultures from different part of the world coexist. I may confront many difficulties living in a new environment, meeting new people, using new languages, but I would like to keep my strong connection with both my Korean and Japanese heritage. Using my own knowledge and experiences, I hope to continue prompting the awareness of both Korean and Japanese cultures to the public in many ways.
kitakaname   
Nov 15, 2014
Writing Feedback / Quick "my weekend" essay [4]

The next day I woke up, and then I got up at 9:00 am, I took a shower, then I got dressed, my mom and I cooked breakfast.

"The next day, I woke up at 9:00 am, took a shower, and got dressed as I did yesterday. My mom and I cooked breakfast together."

We went to church at 12:00 o'clock, went back home, then after that I went shopping for clothes and shoes with my aunt.

"My mom and I visited a chirch noon and went back again. In the afternoon, I went shopping for clothes and shoes with my aunt."

We went to many different stores. Later I returned home, my grandma and I ate enchiladas, then I did my homework.

"We went to many differnt stores, looking for what we wanted. After I ate enchiladas with my grandmother at home, I did my homework."

In the evening I made some chocolate milk for dinner. After dinner I brushed my teeth, put on my pajamas and finally went to sleep.

That is what I did this weekend.

Good Luck!
kitakaname   
Nov 15, 2014
Writing Feedback / Quick "my weekend" essay [4]

I woke up at 6:30, I took a shower, got dressed, drank a glass of milk and went out to take the bus.

Just some gramatical points;

"I woke up at 6:30, took a shower, got dressed, drank a glass of milk, and went out to take a bus"

I arrived to school at about ___am, I had English class, so I went directly to my classroom.

I arrived in school at~. Since I had Englsh class, I went to my class room directly.

We had an exam that day. After that at around ___pm I took the bus back to Apizaco, and from there the bus back to my house.

"We had an exam during the class. After I took the exam, I took a (time ) bus to Apizaco and went back to my house.

I got home at ___pm, I ate chicken with my mom and my brother. I did my chores around the house, later that night my mom, my sisters and I had some coffee, I changed into my pajamas and went to sleep.

I got to home at (time)pm, and I ate chicken with my mom and with my brother.
kitakaname   
Nov 12, 2014
Writing Feedback / UM-Twin Cities Educational Interests American Studies [6]

admission 2012
Thank you very much for your comments!

vangiespan
Thank you very much for helping me all the time!!
I tried to combine what you suggested to me and what I wrote at first.
If you do not mind, could you check it?

Being a Korean descent born in Japan, I have learned my Korean and Japanese heritage through the lenses of immigration. The United States is home to thousands of immigrants who create a diverse community that does not yet exist in Japan. By learning American Studies, I want to know the cultural heritage immigrants have brought into the American society. With its renowned department, UM-Twin Cities will give me interdisciplinary opportunities to explore America. In the future, I will engage in teaching youth so as to enliven my country that is facing its own immigration boom at the moment. (596 characters)
kitakaname   
Nov 11, 2014
Writing Feedback / UM-Twin Cities Educational Interests American Studies [6]

Hello, I am looking for comments towards my short essay about my educcational interests. Since I am an international applicant, I am answering the prompt for international students!

Prompt; In English, describe your educational interests and goals and what your plans are for when you return to your home country. Please include an explanation of why you would like to study the major you have selected. (600 characters maximum)

Being a third generation Korean immigrant born in Japan, I have learned to understand my Korean and Japanese heritage through the lenses of immigration. In the United States, more than 700,000 newcomers are said to immigrate from around the world each year; this create a diverse community I rarely see in Japan. By learning American Studies, I want to capture the cultural and ethnical heritage immigrants bring into the American society from the global perspective. With its renowned department, UM-Twin Cities will give me valuable opportunities to explore America in an interdisciplinary way. In the future, I will engage in teaching youth in Japan so that my country can become more tolerate community than ever.
kitakaname   
Nov 11, 2014
Writing Feedback / It takes failure to achive success. SAT [4]

Ohhh... here is one more thing I can recommend.

Before you write SAT essay, you should prepare for two related experiences or incidents in the real world. These ideas will help you prove your ideas!
kitakaname   
Nov 11, 2014
Writing Feedback / It takes failure to achive success. SAT [4]

Okay, your experiences are good enough to talk about! SAT essay, however, requires a well-structured essay:)

Thus, you need to start with a introductory paragraph, write two body paragraphes, and then sum up with concluding paragraph!

Good luck
kitakaname   
Nov 9, 2014
Undergraduate / My volunteer activity at a Korean-Japanese museum in Tokyo - UIUC ESSAY [2]

Hi, I am looking for helpful editings of my UIUC essay prompt #2!

PROMPT;Tell us about one interest or experience of yours that allows us to get to know you as an individual. Please limit your response to approximately 300 words.

The only thing that I can clearly express my momentous experience throughout my high school life is my volunteer activity at a Korean-Japanese museum in Tokyo. This activity gave me many opportunities to encounter people, perspectives, and aims that I had not been aware of.

Having realized that I was a samsae―a third generation of Korean immigrants―at age four, I have grown up in an environment where I always seek the peaceful relationship between Japan and Korea at a political and at an interpersonal. This was the impetus that strongly inspired me to become a bridge of friendship between Japanese and Korean-Japanese people.

I did this volunteering at a Korean-Japanese museum. The concept of this museum is simple: construction of amicable relations between Japanese and Korean-Japanese people in terms of understanding their mutual history by showcasing the different exhibitions of their life style. As a bilingual who speaks both Japanese and Korean, I have worked as a tour-guide and as an interpreter, and I explained exhibitions. In addition, tourists often asked me my own experiences and perspectives because I was the only tour-guide of Korean descent. At first, my job was very satisfying because I could speak both Japanese and Korean and recount my experiences to tourists, but I later realized that I felt most content when tourists sought not only the exhibitions but my unique perspectives. For example, at an exhibitions on the daily lives of Koreans living in Japan, I told them that my family often discouraged me from revealing that I am of Korean descent. In fact, many Korean-Japanese hide their Korean descent out of fear of discrimination.

Although my individual activity is not enough to prompt the entire awareness of the situation of Korean-Japanese living in Japan, it can at least give people a small motive to take actions. Every time I meet tourists interested in learning the plight of Korean-Japanese, I feel encouraged to continue raising awareness of this issue. (329 words)
kitakaname   
Nov 9, 2014
Undergraduate / Besides ... Then why? Georgia Tech Supplemental [5]

At Georgia Tech, I know I'll obtain a wonderful education supplemented with excellent research and work experience, but that is not what solely attracts me there.

I think you do not have to state "At Georgia Tech~attracts me there" because Admission Officers do know that applicants will be able to obtain wonderful experience. If not, applicants will not apply for this school!!

One of the most satisfying moments I have in high school is helping out in the community; whether it's improving people's confidences through tutoring or rebuilding houses, these experiences are all meaningful to me on a different level from getting good grades or test scores. When looking for colleges, I knew I needed opportunities like these from a school. Georgia Tech's MOVE program is everything I imagined and my top reason for wanting to attend. No other colleges can provide these experiences because no other college has the opportunities that Georgia Tech has being in the heart of Atlanta. The combination of all community service into one program provides limitless opportunity and is something I cannot wait to get involved in if given the opportunity to attend.

Be more specific, be longer!!
kitakaname   
Nov 9, 2014
Undergraduate / There is nothing that I want more than to follow my dreams of being a retail buyer - FIDM Essay [4]

My name is Maya and I am interested in what the Merchandise Marketing program that The Fashion Institute of Design and Merchandising has to offer me. In this essay, I will explore the topics of what my hobbies, and special interests are, my reasoning behind choosing FIDM, what appeals to me about the major I have chosen,and what my goals are upon graduation from The Fashion Institute of Design and Merchandising.

・I think you do not have to state from "My name is~Design and Merchandising" because admisson officers will have already known your name and your desire to study at FIDM until the time you submit your application!

From a very early age, I realized my extreme love for all things fashion, art, and beauty. I just feel such a pull towards fashion and how much is it expressed in everyday life, even from the smallest, least noticeable things around us, and It is just so inspiring how fashion can truly just change the essence of a woman. I find so much joy and inspiration in clothing because of how much thought has been put into that garment as well as the craftsmanship and presentation that just goes into the creation of a blouse for the specified target market. Other than my extreme love for fashion, I also have a very special interest in theater and drama.

You should start; "In my very early years, I realized my extreme passion for fasion, art, and beauty..." then you can explain how you realized it or what experience allowed you to have such perspectives. The rest of the sentences sounds fairly good, and if you can develope the explanation about your interests in theater and drama, your essay will become more strong!

I personally love public speaking and, other than fashion, there's nothing that I love more other than acting in front of others. It's really incredible to me to be able to really transform yourself into another, completely different character that you can morph into and completely be someone new and see the world through their eyes. Another interest of mine is serving my community, I think having a sense of community in the place you live in and always reaching out and proving as much help as you can to others and your community is by far one of the best qualities one can have. Through a school club that I am involved in, Helping Hands, I am able to serve my community from free food handouts to beach clean ups and it is by far something that I want to continue doing for the rest of my life. My hobbies consist of: socializing and going on trips with friends, listening to music, watching documentaries to remain informed, running and exercise, being involved in school clubs, creating fashion sketches, and like any other fashion lover, staying updated on the weekly episodes of Project Runway and their new spin-off Threads; Which is actually shot at The Fashion Institute of Design and Merchandising!

You should focus on one experience for one interest and be more specific!!

I have various reasons for choosing FIDM as a school that I am interested in. One of these reasons is that other than fashion, I really don't think there is anything else out there for me. Going to fashion school and following my dreams of working in the fashion industry is all I have ever wanted for myself and all I ever saw myself doing. Following my dreams and going through with fashion school is extremely scary, but I know that I want nothing more than to turn my dreams into reality and I know that I can get the knowledge I need to acquire for those dreams through FIDM. Being a Californian, I am extremely familiar with California which will be a huge advantage for me while going to college. I get to enjoy the beauty of California, study fashion merchandising, and not be too far from home all through FIDM and that would basically be everything that I could ask for whenever it comes to my college experience. Another really huge reason for choosing FIDM is that I will be around extremely creative individuals that have the same goals as I do. I will be able to learn so much from my peers as well as my professors in such a creative environment while following my dreams of being a part of the fashion industry.

The major that I am considering is merchandise marketing, and this major appeals to me in multiple ways. Merchandise marketing is truly the business of fashion and I have done enough research on this major and plenty of others that FIDM has to offer and I am certain that merchandise marketing is the right one for me. This major really captivates me because of everything it has to offer me. Through this major I will be able to forecast trends for upcoming seasons, acquire more knowledge of a target market, and understand and complete a seasonal buy plan using industry-related technology. All of these tools will help me in the future of my goals of becoming a retail buyer of a major fashion company. Studying merchandise marketing at The Fashion Institute of Design and Merchandising can truly push me in the right direction and give me all of the skills and knowledge I need to get to the place I want to be and allow me to have my dream of working in the fashion industry come true. I will be able to learn from professionals who are in the industry and there's nothing more that I want other than that at this time. I am very eager to learn about merchandise marketing and to put everything I have into this major.

In these paragraph, you should write about specific traits that motivate you to go to this school by combinig the two paragraphs. . For example... one of the reasons is that FIDM have courses, such as ...., and they will help me grow....

Be creative, be specific!!
kitakaname   
Nov 8, 2014
Undergraduate / What does your Oberlin look like? - Supplemental Essay for Oberlin College [5]

Hi! I am currently writing Oberlin College Supplemental Essay and looking for some comments and editings. I am an international student, and I think my essay contains a lot of gramatical errors and misused vocabularies! Any help will be greatly appreciated!

Prompt: Oberlin is a place of intense energy and creativity, built on a foundation of academic, artistic, and musical excellence. With its longstanding commitments to access, diversity, and inclusion, Oberlin is the ideal laboratory in which to study and design the world we want. What does your Oberlin look like?

Having searched for an environment where I would be most likely to succeed, I intuitively sensed that there was nothing but Oberlin College that suited me. Reading attentively the details of the websites and imaging my life at Oberlin, I am thrilled to discover the diverse cultural heritage that Oberlin has. Its 11:1 student-faculty ratio, dense collaboration between undergraduates and faculties, and plentiful research opportunities outside the classrooms are something I find so fascinating about Oberlin. But most importantly, Oberlin will help me not only cultivate my intellectual curiosity in American studies and in history but also train me to be an individual person.

As a pioneer college in the U.S. that admitted students regardless of gender or race, Oberlin has created as tolerate community as any other college could be. During my early college research, an article in 1942 caught my eyes. The text read: "Oberlin offers friendly welcome to seventeen Japanese-American students." For all animosity between America and Japan during World War II, Oberlin was magnanimous enough to greet Japanese-American students, who were long barred from the western society. As an amateur historian and as a Japanese citizen, I was impressed by the Oberlin's extraordinary history of tolerance and openness. Although it is not a tangible material, it was Oberlin's spirit of tolerance that spoke to me. After learning about Oberlin's commitment to tolerance and diversity, I became convinced that I would be an active participant in this campus community, where approximately 200 international students come from 50 different countries.

At Oberlin, I can also pursue my academic aspiration of the intended field. In my undergraduate research project about the impact that Asian immigrants have brought on the American society, I am excited to study in such an environment that has a tradition to celebrate East Asian cultures and languages. With the persuasive department, dedicated faculties, and active students' organizations, I am sure that I will be able to build solid academic achievements while staying in Oberlin's undergraduate. To mention a few, I plan to major in Comparative American Studies at Oberlin. The department allows students to explore the concept of Americaness though "race, ethnicity, class, gender, and sexuality" In my research, I believe that the department's combined focuses will provide me with many dimensions from which to approach this subject.
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