Posts by Cow5215

Cow5215

Nov 29, 2014

Undergraduate / 'it is a joy to be in school' - CU- Boulder Background Essay [9]

Perfect thank you so much Jazmin! I will definitely change before monday, my deadline is Dec 1 haha. :-).

Cow5215

Nov 29, 2014

Undergraduate / Diversity has no bounds, Diversity can be made up of all creatures or all matter - Boulder answer [2]

Prompt: Given the statement above, how do you think you could enrich our diverse and inclusive community, and
what are your hopes for your college experience?

Please help, I feel a little bit better now with this one. This is the second essay for CU Boulder.

Diversity has no bounds, Diversity can be made up of all creatures or all matter. At University of Colorado Boulder the culture and the people are so diverse that they are not bounded. That is what satisfies me when I think of this college. When I attend college next year I believe that I am bringing in yet another non-bound person. I am a student that has the thirst for that knowledge, and that future that will be untethered in the future. As the youngest from a family of seven I have learned and dealt with a lot of pressure, death and sorrow. I have learned to overcome that, I know that a school that is a flagship 2030 school they can deal with big changes. When I step foot in school I will make a social change and I will show the thirst for knowledge, the motivation and the rigor just like any other student. The truth is, diversity is what one makes it, and what one chooses to be. So do I choose to be different? Yes I do.

As a young student I have many hopes for college, from being in school to having some free time. In my college experience I want to be able to excel at my major and when I graduate I want to be able to lead myself and my family. I want to find the right dream and I want to live a life that when I leave college, I have the knowledge and the know how to go straight into the work force with no worries. Also, I would love to meet new people and to do new activities. I believe that this college will be able to do all my expectations and beyond.

Cow5215

Nov 29, 2014

Undergraduate / Sibling. Apart from the similarity in facial structures, I can see how else people could compare us. [2]

Hello, I believe you have a beautiful start with in the essay. I see that this needs to be cut down a little bit. What is the actual prompt? Your sister is a big part of your life and I see that. In the third paragraph create a little transition between your sister and you higher education, is she helping you with college? Also the last paragraph I love it so much! Good Job so far.

Cheers Aaron.

Cow5215

Nov 29, 2014

Undergraduate / 'it is a joy to be in school' - CU- Boulder Background Essay [9]

Thank you so much! Your comments have helped me considerably! With your help and others it went great!
What do you think? Not too personal but personal to the touch :-)

It is astounding how life can go beyond school and books. As a student of twelve years I have come to accept that school is only a bit of time in our life, and it is outside of school that defines who we are. Of course some will say I am an A-plus student and an outgoing person, but my life goes beyond those expectations set in school. My life revolves around theatre and the family I have created within it.

I am different than most students in my school. I have been a part of drama for over four years, and it is where I find my peace. Peace is where the heart lies, and my heart is in theatre. I choose it because it allows lets me to let go of what is happening in my everyday life. Theatre allows me to step onto stage and become a person with a different persona every time.

Being apart of a program for a long time creates a culture and a family. My story began my freshman year when I walked inside the audition room and the nerves took over me; I was getting considerably scared. When I look around, it is my fellow peers assisting me and letting me know how the process should look like, and it was at that moment when I knew that we were a family. Our drama motto to follow is the show must go on. The following year our director passed away with cancer and my drama family was torn. I knew that at that point that we can only grow, that I must grow. During the following show, I took the reins to let the new director have space, and to fulfill our motto. By being a leader, I was able to lead a department to a show at its best. In the end I understood that we must grow at times of despair and I blossomed. I was able to stand loud and proud on that stage with my new family members.

Cow5215

Nov 29, 2014

Undergraduate / 'it is a joy to be in school' - CU- Boulder Background Essay [9]

I really want to thank you for the help, I do not know you and it is amazing how much some people really help out other people. I really do thank you for everything!

This is where I am at so far what do you think?
For some reason as you can tell I am having a hard time writing and focusing at the task at hand.
Cheers, Aaron.

Life goes beyond school and books, it is something that is truly amazing. As a student for twelve years I have come to accept that school is only a bit of time in our life, but it's outside of school that defines who you are. Of course some will say I am an A-plus student and an over joyed student, but my life goes beyond those expectations of school. I have hobbies and family.

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Cow5215

Nov 29, 2014

Undergraduate / 'it is a joy to be in school' - CU- Boulder Background Essay [9]

Thank you so much! I am rewriting now and will try to figure this out haha. I do not know how personal to get in this essay, can you help?

Cow5215

Nov 29, 2014

Scholarship / My motivation - there is a modest number of people who are genuinely interested in you.. [3]

Overall, I love the essay. It is really good and you are really outspoken! What do you think about saying the actual country? (Para. 2), I agree with the other person talking about the tennis situation but it really good to add there, maybe tie in the tennis team with a quick transition to and from. I see that the language barrier is a main point in the essay bring that out a little more, make a big focus and a big tie in! Other than that Perfect!

Cheers, Aaron.

Cow5215

Nov 28, 2014

Undergraduate / 'it is a joy to be in school' - CU- Boulder Background Essay [9]

Prompt: Some student have a background or story that is so central to their Identity that they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.

I am sorry I feel like a total noob when it comes to this, any help will be appreciated thank you so much for taking the time :) Thank You!

Ever since I was young I had the thirst for knowledge, I wanted to excel in everything that revolved around school. The youngest of seven, I learned that family would be everything. My family would teach me math at a young age, and teach me how to read and write. At age seven I received my first computer from my older brother.

The computer is what sparked my brain to learn even more and at a faster pace. I had knowledge on my fingertips, the internet was an amazing world. When I was eight I got into trouble because I got a test from a locked system ahead of time. I did this through figuring out what system the elementary school had and it was an original testing corporation, I figured a way to log in and sign in to it. Some say computers and life does not mix because it is time consuming, but the truth is I find my peace when I am on my computer doing my work.

As the years passed and life moved on computers have become a bigger priority in not only my life but societies as well. When I look I always see computer, phones, and tablets all over. In sixth grade I decided computer science is the major I want. I not only want a major but I want a PH.D in computer science.

I have done my preparation since then by taking the rigorous courses such as Calculus, Biology, Chemistry, and Literature. I do not find the joy of passing or sliding through school, what I strive for is the challenge in life. The challenge will lie ahead of me and I am ready for it.

Coming into college intrigues me a lot. Why? Because it is a joy to be in school, and to further my education and to see how my life will play out.

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