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My motivation - there is a modest number of people who are genuinely interested in you..

jdlr96 2 / 2  
Nov 26, 2014   #1
I edited two times, still needs some changes

Over the years I have heard that others are not going to worry about you, they do not know your problems, your fears, your dreams, your goals anything but despite this saying which represents a little truth, there is a modest number of people who are genuinely interested in your welfare, success (or perhaps failed) those individuals should not feel disappointed because their hopes are dopamine for our minds. My parents are from those few people who I do not want to disappoint, because I am important to them. They break their back day in and day out to keep the bread every day on the table. Performing well academically in all my classes and extracurricular activities in addition to respect my peers and teachers is the greatest reward for my parents; the least I could offer even if occasionally it seems difficult to go through obstacles. At the end, I comprehend the essential roles of perseverance, responsibility and the ability to set goals in order to succeed in life and reward those that believe in us.

Being an immigrant from a Spanish-speaking country, represented a barrier to adapt in a new a country where English is the dominant language, but I had a reason to excel. My dad day in and day out struggled to obtain a permit that allowed me to reside here in the US, once he got it, he took me to live with my aunt in Dallas and he returned to Houston, it was the first time that I detached from my family. When I moved here, I knew a few words of English, but I couldn't speak or understand what people said to me. I felt so bad because I couldn't ask in the store for help; I couldn't read warning signs. I realized that goals merit hard work if you truly want to reach them. I studied very hard; I learned 15-20 words each day, I listened to American radio and I read American magazines. After all the hard work I started to comprehend others well enough that I began to communicate with people.

The tennis team became an escape and a passion. I always have in mind the values that my parents instilled in me, something I have been applying in tennis. The support given by your partners and team has no price. Being a person who is willing to take his time to help others honors the game as it should its invaluable. On occasions my teammates struggle with specific movements and techniques, they always count with me to help them during practice. Respect for others is something that helped me to have an exceptional time on the tennis team and not just with my teammates and coaches also with my opponents.

Learning a distinct language from scratch, playing hard to get ahead and value others, is the only way that I can give back something of how much they have given me. I know I will keep going through all my obstacles and do what is right.

ciennalongwood 3 / 9 1  
Nov 27, 2014   #2
this is a great essay however i would work on focus. make sure that every paragraph can be led back to one thesis, one theme. i do the not see how the paragraph about tennis is relating back to the main topic. If you can fix that you are well on your way to an excellent essay!
Cow5215 2 / 6  
Nov 29, 2014   #3
Overall, I love the essay. It is really good and you are really outspoken! What do you think about saying the actual country? (Para. 2), I agree with the other person talking about the tennis situation but it really good to add there, maybe tie in the tennis team with a quick transition to and from. I see that the language barrier is a main point in the essay bring that out a little more, make a big focus and a big tie in! Other than that Perfect!

Cheers, Aaron.

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