Posts by Sadebenjamin

Sadebenjamin

Dec 26, 2014

Scholarship / As HCl (hydrochloric acid) singes my flesh, a gleam of satisfaction bounces off my face; SCHOLARSHIP [3]

You may NOT post two essays in one thread. The second part removed.

I did originally have this up in a different thread but I may accidentally deleted it and so I reposted it.

In my original reply to you, I mention that the answer was partitioned by a bar in the writing application I was using. So the ostensible "choppiness" was avoided in result. So basically it's two answers the same question but the answers were done in such a way that they are mutually exclusive-One could've could have occurred by itself and still have answered the prompt. At least I think so.

Thank you for taking the time to read over my essay and. And now that you know of the pieces are mutually exclusive, could you maybe look at them again and critic given this? Thanks so much! You seem very knowledgeable and would appreciate any input you provide :)

This is what I mean that the essay was partitioned

Sadebenjamin

Dec 26, 2014

Scholarship / As HCl (hydrochloric acid) singes my flesh, a gleam of satisfaction bounces off my face; SCHOLARSHIP [3]

This is an essay for a scholarship. It has 2 sections that answer the same question. The first is about my love for chemistry and the reason why I excel in it. The second is about my love for Spanish and the reason why I excell in it.

CRITISM IS ACCEPTED:D

Discuss the subjects in which you excel or have excelled. To what factors do you attribute your success?

BY SADE BENJAMIN

On a lab table in Mrs. Hakim's spirited chemistry classroom, a once equanimous test tube filled with a clear solution of Lead Nitrate quickly transforms into a garish chartreuse bisque upon the arrival of Potassium Iodide. At another station, the systematic "drip-drip-dropping" of an unknown solution into a beaker, containing distilled water and phenolphthalein, signals the beginning of a titration experiment. At my lab station, as HCl (hydrochloric acid) singes my flesh, a gleam of satisfaction bounces off my face. I am swiftly ushered to the "watering hole" (sink) by my altruistic (law suit fearing) professor and start to run water over my chemical burn. Although incessant twinges of pain pinch my arm over the 15 minute bath, my mind dozes elsewhere- thoughts of how this corrosive substance is a component of my digestive fluid baffles me and why my mother thought to apply a substance (whose contents contain a chemical with similar properties to that of HCl) to my head in hopes to make my hair more manageable strikes me as indubitably absurd. Never the less, I have complete and utter adulation for the field- I absolutely adore chemistry!

My unbounded love for chemistry undoutably stems from the fact that it's a subject I excel in. I enjoy learning about the various properties of the smallest particles in the universe, inter/intramolecular interactions, thermodynamics, etc. I delight in the pragmatism of the field- unlike mathematics (to an extent), business, or any arbitrary scholastic "busy work" subject, I can see the practical need for at least a rudimentary understanding for all things chemical, especially in our modern age where chemicals are laced in every facet of our exsistence (food, pharmaceuticals, environment, etc). From the knowledge I've attained from my two years of chemistry, I have been able to create my own personal hygiene products that have pH's similar the human hair and skin (around 4.5-5). It's not a particularly amazing feat (I'm confident any fool with half his wits could perform the task) but without the exposure to that information through educational means I would have never realized the promising potential I have in the subject.

Sadebenjamin

Dec 25, 2014

Undergraduate / I value the liveliness of the city but also long for a tight-knit learning environment; WHY BU? [4]

In no more than 250 words, please tell us why BU is a good fit for you and what specifically has led you to apply for admission.

Coming from a big city, I value the liveliness of the city but also long for a tight-knit learning environment

I personally don't like when two of the same words are used in such close proximity of each other, let alone the same sentence! To me it sounds juvenile. Sometimes there's nothing you can do, and the word must be used twice. But I would much rather reconstruct a sentence than use a word again.

Possible reconstruction:
Coming from a big city, I value not only the liveliness of Boston, but also appreciate the close knit learning environment the surrounds it.
.

BU is the best of both world, a big city, university but tight-knit campus, where I can pursue both of my passion:

Something about this sentence is off putting. I would write:

Boston University, offers the best of both worlds: a spirited social setting as well as close-knit campus where I hope to pursue my passions of Speech, Langua, and hearing Science as well as Law.

Ever since I realized the importance of diction and speaking, I aspire to help kids find their own voice and the possibility of being able to do fieldwork in the child language lab excites me. I fell in love with BU because of its debate society. Being in forensics in high school had made me fall in love with debating. I had persisted, improved and earned a supportive family who shares my passion. Forensics has trained me to be a quick thinker. My ability to think and act fast has pervaded every aspect of my educational experience. BU's debate society would allow me to find another family who I can learn from and exchange ideas with peers and professors from different countries, cultures, and belief systems. In a omit big college like BU with many various clubs and teams, it is a perfect fit for my adventurous and curious personality. I looking forward to trying out new clubs, exploring different courses,meeting new people from all over the world. BU will be my door to self discovery with its many options.

Work on a stronger last sentence, but the rest is good. Great Job!

Sadebenjamin

Dec 25, 2014

Undergraduate / Living as someone else's mouth - William &Mary Supplement Essay [7]

I liked your essay a lot! It's highly original and gets the point across.

... I hand it over to her, who then pats my head.

I have always been, and still am , my family's 'mouth'. Full of curiosity, I was always able to adapt to new environments omitt pretty quickly. This has helped me make friends in no time when ...

As time passed by, being the 'if you are going to surround mouth with quotation be consistent and do it throughout the whole text ' became a part of my identity.

Gradually, this zest towards new worlds and change letters to "cultures" led me to dream of being able to freely speak ...

overall, this is an extremely well written and incredibly original piece! Great job!

Sadebenjamin

Dec 24, 2014

Scholarship / Students seek assistance from scholarship programs in order to mitigate their cost of attendance [5]

Thank you for your insight! This is exactly what the scholarship asks for:
submit a one page signed personal statement explaining why the scholarship is important to the applicant. Include college and career plans, if known

I agree with you. I should make the first paragraph more personal and add the reasoning as to why the scholarship would be a blessing.

thank you!

I know spent a lot (maybe too much) time explaining my intended major. There is a one page requirement which I assume is for a single spaced essay. I mainly elaborate my intended major to achieve that word limit.

Would you mind looking over my completed essay when it's done?

Thank for the insight you did provide! I will definitely take it into consideration!

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Sadebenjamin

Dec 24, 2014

Sadebenjamin

Dec 24, 2014

Scholarship / Students seek assistance from scholarship programs in order to mitigate their cost of attendance [5]

Submit a one page personal statement explaining why this scholarship is important to you as well as career goals

I'm not finished but would appreciate criticism on what I have now. Thank you in advance:

Grace D. Dreher Memorial Scholarship

With a college education getting increasingly expensive, each year it proves more imperative for a student to seek assistance from scholarship programs such as this in order to mitigate their overall cost of attendance. The winning of this scholarship is important to me because I realize financial strain I'm about to embark in, and any gift that can help offset the cost of attending my first choice school would be a blessing.

Upon matriculating to college, I plan to double major in chemistry and philosophy. Although I love chemistry as subject and excell academically in my chemistry courses, philosophy is what excites me. In my leisure time one can often find me curled up in a corner catching up on my independent study of philosophical subjects such as Kant's morality, Nietzsche's nihilism, or Ayn Rand's objectivism. I often ruminate on age old philosophical questions like "To what extent can human happiness be achieved?", "What real meaning exists in one's temperol life?", and "Does God exist?". A philosophical approach is often applicable to most things in life and a degree in philosophy will help me develop more refined critical thinking skills needed for the future.

Chemistry is the pragmatic constituant of my double major. Indeed, chemistry is a subject that over the last three years of my education I have grown a fondness to. I delight in performing fastidiously conducted titrations experiments, I take pleasure in learning about complex wave theory, and enjoy when I understanding the properties concerning the smallest parts of matter in our known universe- the atom.