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As HCl (hydrochloric acid) singes my flesh, a gleam of satisfaction bounces off my face; SCHOLARSHIP


Sadebenjamin 2 / 5 2  
Dec 26, 2014   #1
This is an essay for a scholarship. It has 2 sections that answer the same question. The first is about my love for chemistry and the reason why I excel in it. The second is about my love for Spanish and the reason why I excell in it.

CRITISM IS ACCEPTED:D

Discuss the subjects in which you excel or have excelled. To what factors do you attribute your success?

BY SADE BENJAMIN

On a lab table in Mrs. Hakim's spirited chemistry classroom, a once equanimous test tube filled with a clear solution of Lead Nitrate quickly transforms into a garish chartreuse bisque upon the arrival of Potassium Iodide. At another station, the systematic "drip-drip-dropping" of an unknown solution into a beaker, containing distilled water and phenolphthalein, signals the beginning of a titration experiment. At my lab station, as HCl (hydrochloric acid) singes my flesh, a gleam of satisfaction bounces off my face. I am swiftly ushered to the "watering hole" (sink) by my altruistic (law suit fearing) professor and start to run water over my chemical burn. Although incessant twinges of pain pinch my arm over the 15 minute bath, my mind dozes elsewhere- thoughts of how this corrosive substance is a component of my digestive fluid baffles me and why my mother thought to apply a substance (whose contents contain a chemical with similar properties to that of HCl) to my head in hopes to make my hair more manageable strikes me as indubitably absurd. Never the less, I have complete and utter adulation for the field- I absolutely adore chemistry!

My unbounded love for chemistry undoutably stems from the fact that it's a subject I excel in. I enjoy learning about the various properties of the smallest particles in the universe, inter/intramolecular interactions, thermodynamics, etc. I delight in the pragmatism of the field- unlike mathematics (to an extent), business, or any arbitrary scholastic "busy work" subject, I can see the practical need for at least a rudimentary understanding for all things chemical, especially in our modern age where chemicals are laced in every facet of our exsistence (food, pharmaceuticals, environment, etc). From the knowledge I've attained from my two years of chemistry, I have been able to create my own personal hygiene products that have pH's similar the human hair and skin (around 4.5-5). It's not a particularly amazing feat (I'm confident any fool with half his wits could perform the task) but without the exposure to that information through educational means I would have never realized the promising potential I have in the subject.
vangiespen - / 4,133 1449  
Dec 26, 2014   #2
Are these supposed to be two separate essays and hence will be submitted separately ? Or are you just marking the points where the essays become different in an effort to signify a transition? I believe I have already reviewed this essay for you a number of hours ago and I pointed out that it suffers from a transition problem. All you have to do is write a transition paragraph for the two topics to show the seamless change but connection between the two topics based upon the prompt provided. Your concluding paragraph should present a final idea as to how you developed a love for both subjects and how you excelled in these in a combined way. That means your conclusion will concentrate on your character trait as a student that is common to both academic interests which highlights your ability to excel in unrelated fields if deemed necessary to your academic achievement.
OP Sadebenjamin 2 / 5 2  
Dec 26, 2014   #3
You may NOT post two essays in one thread. The second part removed.

I did originally have this up in a different thread but I may accidentally deleted it and so I reposted it.

In my original reply to you, I mention that the answer was partitioned by a bar in the writing application I was using. So the ostensible "choppiness" was avoided in result. So basically it's two answers the same question but the answers were done in such a way that they are mutually exclusive-One could've could have occurred by itself and still have answered the prompt. At least I think so.

Thank you for taking the time to read over my essay and. And now that you know of the pieces are mutually exclusive, could you maybe look at them again and critic given this? Thanks so much! You seem very knowledgeable and would appreciate any input you provide :)


  • This is what I mean that the essay was partitioned


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