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Posts by chuoi9
Name: Tran ho
Joined: May 14, 2015
Last Post: Jul 29, 2015
Threads: 3
Posts: 8  
Likes: 3
From: viet nam

Displayed posts: 11
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chuoi9   
Jul 29, 2015
Writing Feedback / The cultural adaptation is crucial however people should also not forget their own customs. [3]

Hi you, I am a beginner. And below are my recommendations

Many people currently concur with the notion of social integration in a country rather than divide it into different minority groups with their own cultures and traditions.

cultural adaptation is crucial for people migrating to other countriesimmigrants

There are several reasons as to why migrantsthe immigrants should assimilate into the new culture

Vietnamese culture has long beenis famous for

many social norms being deemed to be perfectly normal in a country may be foundconsidered offensive from citizens of the otherssomewhere else .

Thus , it is unusualdisrespectful to dress in sensitive costumes when traveling in some Vietnamese cultural heritages and relics

To be more specific --> More specifically

"held within each culture is the uniqueness and freshness ....". - > Each country has unique culture, which would distinguish it from the others.(I make it shorter)

I hope that my recommendations will be useful for you!
chuoi9   
Jun 23, 2015
Writing Feedback / Sending the first human to the moon - how it has affected mankind? [3]

Hi you, I am a beginner. And below are my recommendations

Our moon has long been a helpful tool for predicting weather patterns and support agriculture--> By observing the Moon, people could predict weather patterns in agriculture.

we heavily depended on the moon without a proper understanding about due to lack of means of transportation--> We greatly depended on the Moon because we lacked of innovative technologies

However, advancements in the last century in the fields of technology and transportation allowed space travel to happen--> In the last centuries, advancements in technology allowed us to go into space to do scientific research on the Moon

Hence, farmers could know how and when to adapt and change irrigation system for higher crop yields--> Based on weather forecast, farmers could adapt their irragation system to boost higher yields.

there would be no way we could get access to such informative and precious knowledge --> Most people thought it was impossible to go into space.

However, current technologies have brought about a miracle that we never thought we could accomplish, traveling to the vast outer space, the moon-->Innovative technologies enabled us to achieve the dream of walking on the Moon.

sending the first human to the moon was and will always be a big achievement for mankind, which continuously to affect us in both economic and psychological aspect. --> is a remarkable achievement which has a lasting effect on human life, especially economic and psychological aspects.

I hope that my recommendations will be useful for you!
chuoi9   
Jun 21, 2015
Writing Feedback / The students should do part-time job to look at how different the real world is. [4]

Should the students do part-time job?

Nowadays, more students are doing part-time jobs while at university because working alongside studies would provide them with favorable opportunities. Although some people argue that part-time work can have a negative impact on studies, I still believe that there are lots of reasons for taking on part-time work.

Firstly, working would help students fill gaps in their knowledge, especially for practical knowledge which they may not acquire completely at their schools. For example: A final-year law student should apply for a part-time job as a paralegal in a law firm whereby they could get acquainted with real-life situations rather than law cases in theory. In fact, people learn the best by their experience as the saying goes: "Experience is the best teacher".

Secondly, taking a part-time job is a great opportunity for students to demonstrate their ability. For example: Before an exam, the student needs much time to prepare carefully, but the manager will not accept to pay for a staff who do not devote all their time to working. Therefore, they could cope with some difficulties which would require their strong determination. On the other hand, the students should take this opportunity to show their ability to balance between studying and working, which would develop their profiles to apply for scholarships or other jobs thereafter.

Thirdly, students could obtain the necessary finance to afford their living and studying. The wages would help them cover personal expenses, such as: tuition fees, books, living costs. Because tuition fees at top schools are usually very high, the needy students will have to do part-time jobs to achieve their education dreams. In fact, many famous people experienced hardships before becoming extremely successful, for example: Oprah Winfrey, Benjamin Franklin, Thomas Edison, etc.

In conclusion, I believe that students should do a part-time job because they could get valuable experience of working, along with necessary finance for their studies. Despite obstacles, students could grasp this chance to prove their ability. So why don't we take a part-time job to look at how different the real world is ?
chuoi9   
Jun 12, 2015
Writing Feedback / My idol - a man born without arms or legs [3]

Hi @thanhgiang, I am a beginner. And below are my recommendations.

Most everyone has an idol who inspires usthem in their lives .
For him, the daily activities which is simple for the ordinary people couldn't --> He can not do daily activities which are simple for ordinary people

he got over his disability to be lived like other ordinary people --> he learnt to cope with his disability and live like an able-bodied person.

he has deep knowledge aboutof life as well
he inspires millions of people from the disabled to the ordinary people so that they canto overcome difficulties

I hope that my recommendations will be useful for you.
chuoi9   
Jun 10, 2015
Writing Feedback / The globalisation may drive people away from their cultural identity like respecting older people [4]

Hi Stacy, I am a beginner. And below are my recommendations.

Paragraph 1:
Communication and transporttransportation play a vital role in human's lifehuman life
As the advancement of mass communication and transportationgrowis growing significantly

Paragraph 2:
teenager(s) were likely to ask their parents first
they are more likely to go without their parents' permission
their teenage-childrensteenager children already on the way
teenagers habbit to respect their parents already gone --> The custom of respecting the elders disappeared

Paragraph 3:
However, this trendchange led us to neglect our friends
it was enjoyableWe went back home with friends
but since having a car, we preferred to use our car as it was connvenienceconvenient

I hope that my recommendations will be useful for you.
chuoi9   
Jun 7, 2015
Writing Feedback / The idea of free universities - what is your opinion? The quality is even more important question. [5]

@Lcturn87, I am very grateful for you help. They are very useful for me.
I will explain my essay in detail:
+ "Education products": I refered to the courses that universities offer to students. More precisely, courses are intangible products, the same as "services".

They need two necessary conditions to operate efficiently. These two conditions include: people (teachers) and facilities of a university (study rooms, dormitory, library, educational equipment...). And the university need money to pay for costs of two conditions.

+ The sentence "students are grown-up enough". I used "grown-up" because I think they are mature and independent enough to make their own living by doing some part-time jobs, which could help them pay for their tuition fees.

+ "Do you mean that we should consider the quality of education rather than the amount we pay for it?": Yes, I want to underline that the quality is more important than the tuition fees: If the tuition fees were free, the quality of education would be reduced. Moreover, free universities is an unfeasible idea, so we need to focus on the quality of education.
chuoi9   
Jun 5, 2015
Writing Feedback / The idea of free universities - what is your opinion? The quality is even more important question. [5]

Do you think university education should be free? Give your reasons and examples.
I think the university education should not be free because it is unnecessary, and could cause negative consequences for the education system.

Firstly, almost universities need sources of finance to operate effectively. Without tuition fees, they cannot pay considerable costs, such as: operating costs, administration costs, or labor costs. More seriously, it may lead to reductions in their budgets for teaching and research programs. The teachers would be dissatisfied with their salaries, so they could not devote entirely themselves to teaching and research work. Consequently, the education quality would be suffered, and the university could not attract good students and acclaimed teachers.

Secondly, it is regarded as normal for students to pay a fair price for the knowledge they acquire at university. The students are like customers who buy products from the universities. In this relationship, the price of the products as tuition fees will correspond with the education quality, as the saying goes "you get what you pay for". The universities should not offer free courses because they are not non-profit-making organizations, and they need to make money to develop their education products. For example: Tuition fees at the world's top universities such as Harvard, MIT are always exorbitant, but they still attract a number of applicants each year thanks to their high reputations for the education quality.

Thirdly, the university education should not be free because it is always accessible to needy students. When any students can not afford to pay for their education, they can apply for various kinds of education loans and scholarships to cover their fees and expenses. Moreover, students are grown-up enough to look for a part-time job after school. Briefly, needy students will able to overcome their financial problems as long as they are full of determination to achieve their university dreams.

For those reasons, I believe that the idea of free universities is rather theoretical and could not become a reality. In university education, the key question which we need to consider is how its quality is, not it can be free nor not.
chuoi9   
May 18, 2015
Writing Feedback / Grades help motivate or discourage students to learn? [3]

Another point to consider is, some students have shameful... adapt to their friends
I think this point is a disadvantage of grades. So you should omit it to support the idea of grading to motivate students.
chuoi9   
May 17, 2015
Writing Feedback / The museum should be a fun and appealing place for its visitors - shall attract and entertain people [4]

I am just a beginner. Below are my recommendations.

Paragraph 2:
Because people nowadays have taken hugecope with considerable pressure from work and study of working and studying
Paragraph 3:
the museum is the place where vast amount of historically significant evidences and antiques are housedthere are many valuable antiques , the knowledge of history canshould be demonstrated and learned

Besides this, young student's learning efficiency can also be improvedthe young students could improve their learning effectively
history teachers have opportunities to illustrate some historical events to their students instead of just learning from reading offfrom the textbooks

I hope that they will be useful for you.
chuoi9   
May 14, 2015
Writing Feedback / Some people consider their pets as part of their families and treat them like their own babies [4]

Hi PhyuPhyu, I am a beginner. And below are my recommendations.

Keeping domestic pets have beenhas been becomingpopular trends a popular trend
the world is becoming more and more challenging and demanding, a lot of people encountercope with stresses and problems on a daily basis
For instance, even if other family members are not free to go for a walk, you can take-for-grantedtake it for granted that your dog would always be there for you.

I am of the opinion that the benefits outweigh the disadvantages of keeping pets closely as it can giveprovide you with the best companionship and happy lifestyle

I hope that my recommendations will be useful for you.
chuoi9   
May 14, 2015
Writing Feedback / Three points why people these days are living longer. [4]

Throughout history, the human race has a strong desire for living longer. And this dream gradually comes true these days: People are living longer than their ancestors. How could they make it happen? I think there are there reasonable answers to the problem:

Firstly, there have been a lot of advancements in medical field. In recent years, scientists have taken big steps towards research on new medicine. As well, doctors have applied more effective treatments than ever before. Consequently, many diseases which were considered incurable now can be cured. Millions patiences were saved from almost certain death. For example: Tuberculosis was one of the most formidable diseases that killed many victims in the past but today it can be treated.

Secondly, the medicine price is much lower than before because pharmaceutical companies always try to manufacture cheaper medicine to attract new customers. On the other hand, people have a higher living standard, as well as making more money to pay their medicine bills. In fact, many of them have the medical insurance so they do not worry too much about the medicine price. In poor countries, the lower medicine price is a crucial factor which reduced medical costs considerably for needy people. For example: Aids patients in African are provided with free medicine that help them live for a very long time despite Aids is still incurable. It is obvious that expensive medicine would result in a sentence of death for poor patiences.

Thirdly, in recent years, the global medical systems have been improved to meet the health demand of people. Governments given their health policies more serious consideration. They have invested more money in health sector: building more hospitals, upgrading the facilities, as well as improving together the quality of health services. Moreover, authorities have enacted many health laws to offer benefits in society. For example: In US, ObamaCare allows Americans without health insurance to get coverage, as well as ensure that health care coverage is available to any US resident who cannot obtain quality heath care through their employer.
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