Writing Feedback / "Do people benefit from from reality shows, or are harmful?" SAT March 2011 [3]

Well, I am preparing for the SAT. Please grade my essay out of 12 and give me some feedbacks !!
Thanks in advance!

Prompt 1:
Think carefully about the issue presented in the following excerpt and the assignment below.

Reality television programs, which feature real people engaged in real activities rather than professional actors performing scripted scenes, are increasingly popular. These shows depict ordinary people competing in everything from singing and dancing to losing weight, or just living their everyday lives. Most people believe that the reality these shows portray is authentic, but they are being misled. How authentic can these shows be when producers design challenges for the participants and then editors alter filmed scenes?

Assignment:

Do people benefit from forms of entertainment that show so-called reality,or are such forms of entertainment harmful? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.

Essay :

There's no doubt for experts, psychologists and even producer that TV reality shows are the marks of Low Culture. Judging from American reality shows, I can affirm that these shows generates stereotypes, encourage a type of unsafe behavior and falsify truths.

Jersey Shore (U.S. TV show) is a well known program featuring contestants who live, eat, drink and party all together in a shore in New Jersey coast. These popular show breed misconception, bias and prejudices across the nation. In fact, the use of the term "guido/guidette", a slang referring to urban working class Italian-Americans, is a stab to America's tolerance and diversity. This show offends, attack and disdains a notable minority through comments, jokes and by calling names. It's all in order to attract masses and earn a higher rating. These stereotypes, widely tolerated in the program, are disgraceful and have a negative influence, especially on youth. By watching this show, Could they have a blue-sky thinking and an open-mind? How could these stereotypes enhance their understanding to reality? What image is painted in their minds about minorities? Ultimately, policymakers and authorities should question at what extent America could preserve its cultural harmony, while such reality shows are aired on national TVs.

Again I can point to TV reality programs charged to "discover" young artistic talents as The X-Factor series, American Idol and Dancing With The Stars. In fact, these shows falsify facts and generate illusions. They make youth envision success, fame and glory as easy to acquire. They make young people believe that they could be stars of Pop just by participating in a show. Besides, fame enjoyed by some in these shows is fake and momentary. Unfortunately, they are not aware of reality and ignore the fact that it's critical for a young talent to struggle, work hard and persist in order to be famous. In a word, art reality shows portray a soft, easy and a highway to success just to gain more money from ads and sponsors and raise the number of audience. Finally, a real artist is not born over night. He is the fruit of practice and perseverance.

Therefore, "reality" is a misnomer. These shows of low culture target masses to desire of easy stardom and glory with little or no reference to what life is really about. To go further, some reality shows threaten social diversity and disdain differences.

Writing Feedback / "Is it more courageous to show vulnerability than it is to show strength?" SAT January 2015 [2]

Please grade my essay out of 12 and give me some feedbacks. ( Icturn87, I really need your help)

Prompt 1
Think carefully about the issue presented in the following excerpt and the assignment below.

We are often told to "put on a brave face" or to be strong. To do this, we often have to hide, or at least minimize, whatever fears, flaws, and vulnerabilities we possess. However, such an emphasis on strength is misguided. What truly takes courage is to show our imperfections, not to show our strengths, because it is only when we are able to show vulnerability-or the capacity to be hurt-that we are genuinely able to connect with other people.

Assignment: Is it more courageous to show vulnerability than it is to show strength? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.

Essay :
" Behind this mask there's more than flesh, behind this mask there are truths and truths are bulletproof ", so reckons V in Alan Moore's V For Vendetta vertigo comics. As for as human needs, desires and tendencies grow, people tend to veil their raw faces in order to make phobias, fears, deep emotions and weaknesses mysterious for others. Sometimes pretending to be strong and showing vigor while masking flaws is not only misleading when it comes to communication but also destructive because it's the stems of a huge collapse.

Showing strength is a trend used to hide people's lack of confidence, self-esteem and cowardice. From my experience, I learned so from my friendship with a guy who shows to all mates that he is bold, undefeated and brave. All school feared him and consider him as the ultimate guy. But, in a summer of my senior year in high school, we went in a trip and we camped in the forest. It's was an unforgettable experience that stripped away his masquerade. We discovered that he's a creepy, foolish and childish guy with muscles who feared from dark. It was really a nightmare for him but this experience revealed a lot about his real personality. We understood that showing vigor and strength is not at all courageous, but being open , making all clear and discussing fears and flaws is rather courageous. Finally, we are human being and we certainly have vulnerabilities as well as strength.

If we consider history and if we analyze facts in a broader perspective, we will certainly come across Soveit Union's last breaths. In the eve of its collapse in the mid 1985s, Soveit government seemed as strong, wealthy and politically stable as the U.S. Propaganda media depicts luxiourious surburs of Moscow and Leningraad, protray the economic prosperity and show the happiness the happiness of a country. But, in the inside Soveit Union was experiencing ethnic stife, political unrest and an economic plummet. The image was totally misleading and fake. It demonstrate Soveit officials' irresponsability and cowardice as they hide truths , shun facts and reality and couldn't face social dilemmas head on.Tragically, Soveit Union fall apart in 1991 and its countries shattered. Hidding truths has never been a boon but a fertile soil for eventual setbacks.

In summary, I can blurt that interacting with others, pouring out emotions and showing all is the mark of a bravery.

Writing Feedback / "Do people have to be highly competitive in order to succeed?"SAT Essay CB Study-Guide 2004-2005 [2]

Hi, This is an SAT essay. Please grade it out of 12and give me some feedbacks.
What do you think of the intro, thesis, conclusion?
What do you recommend regarding examples?
Is there any weaknesses or flaws in the essay?
Please be harsh as much as possible !

Prompt:

Think carefully about the issue presented in the following excerpt and the assignment below.

People who like to think of themselves as tough-minded and realistic tend to take it for granted that human nature is "selfish" and that life is a struggle in which only the fittest may survive. According to this view, the basic law by which people must live is the law of the jungle. The"fittest"are those people who can bring to the struggle superior force, superior cunning, and superior ruthlessness.

Adapted from S.I. Hayakawa, Language in Thought and Action

Assignment: Do people have to be highly competitive in order to succeed? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.

Essay:

In the jungle of modern world, people engage since birth in a harsh competition. Success and glory cannot, thus, be achieved overnight or by a slice of good fortunate. That's why clearly, being highly competitive, persistent and hard worker are the necessary ingredient for success.

Steve Jobs, the founder of Apple, was fully aware of the dilemma he had to face. He must invent a sophisticated electronic device with magnificent application and a smooth use. But, it wouldn't be easy. He kept in mind that the market is completely full of business magnets, tycoons and bright minds. As a result, he started his tough competition by introducing Apple products that are new, well-crafted and a state-of-art. By being competitive, Steve Jobs succeed and rapt the fruit of his wit, wisdom and long sight. He demonstrated that one should think, challenge the obsolete and compete with high level of commitment and dedication. He understood the rules of the game and competed with teeth and nails. Ultimately, he achieved not only success and glory but also immortality due to his revolutionary approach and competitively.

Similarly to Steve Jobs experience, Adam Smith's book "For The Wealth Of Nations" illustrates the basis of capitalism by putting emphasis on competitive market. He conveys the idea that society cannot five a reward for the sluggish, the dull, the overbearing and the reticent who shun competition and prefer to watch. The book suggests that the prosperity, the thrive and the progress of a nation are based on a competitive-economic system which favored creativity, and glorify the hard-working and skillful. In a word, economic exalt manifested in growth, high GDP and low unemployment rate is the result of a competitive people who demonstrates their character, resilience, perseverance and persistence in the market.

To sum up, I find that competing, struggling and fighting for the right to contest the greatest prize in life which is success, is vital in modern life human maze. No one could perform or find a ground-breaking theory or crafting a revolutionary technological device without consecrating his mind, forces and abilities in life completion.

Writing Feedback / 'Influence: How and Why People Agree to Things' - SAT April 2006 [3]

Hi, This is an SAT essay. Please grade it out of 12 and give me some feedbacks.
What do you think of the intro, thesis, conclusion?
What do you recommend regarding examples?
Is there any weaknesses or flaws in the essay?
Please be harsh as much as possible !

Prompt 1
Inconsistency is commonly thought to be an undesirable personality trait, and inconsistent people are viewed as indecisive and weak willed. On the other hand, firm commitment to an idea or plan of action is associated with personal and intellectual strength, stability, and honesty. Thus, once we have made a choice or taken a stand, it is best not to change.

Adapted from Robert B. Cialdini, Influence: How and Why People Agree to Things

Assignment : Is it best not to change our ideas, opinions, or behaviors? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observation.

Essay:

Starkly different views rose to the fore while debating consistency and commitment to a certain kind of behaviour thought. Some argue that sticking to an unchangeable approach is foolish and even a mark of dogmatism. Historical figures like Martin Luther King as well as fictional characters proved that consistency is the most effective approach to succeed and perform.

M.L.King was a vociferous speaker and activist who took a tough stand to fight for human rights and especially a persistent perspective toward blacks' right to live harmonically with whites and to enjoy an equal social status. He was clear, strong and honest to challenge the stereotypes, misconceptions and bias. He made it crystal clear to American community through his inspiring speechs, notably "I have A Dream" speech, that he shouldn't resign or withdraw from the battlefield of human rights. The fight for equality requires a strong-willed leader who fears neither persecution nor intimidation. Ultimately, de he was assassination in the early 1970s, but with his high commitment and devotion, America managed to scramble out of the dark and to develop blue-sky ideas about ethnicity and diversity. Had he changed his ideas and believes, America could probably suffer further from the woes of segregation for a long time after.

Similarly, in the dystopian vertigo comic novel "V for Vendetta" by Alan Moore, V, an anarchist revolutionary dressed in Guy Fawkes Mask, began an elaborate campaign to bring down an abusive government who enslave the citizens of the U.K., force them to work in concentration camps and execute every rebel. He urged his counterparts to say "enough" to the oppression and to go street to fight. Across the novel, V was the target of government spies and intelligentsia who tried to capture him and murder him in public. But all these constraints and threats could never deter him from fighting for freedom. He was brave, bold and consistent in his opinions and ideas. British people succeeded thanks to his insights of resistance and perseverance, to eliminate the fascist Norsefire Party officials, topple the government and thus free the U.K.

Being strongly devoted and a defender of an idea or a thought is a vital quality for leaders and activists in order to emerge their ideology and insights. A careful analysis of V for Vendetta and Martin Luther King struggle demonstrates how social change is associated to strong commitment to ideals and perceptions.