Writing Feedback / Food; some parts of the world are suffering from lack of it, other complain about its quality [3]

Dear all ,

Your help is appreciated . I dont know if my points are good or so . Pwease help

Food ! One of human beings favourite obsessions and vital basic need for survival. At first, everyone has an abundance to enjoy, but when time goes, people start to industrialise: building factories, houses, apartments, shops, etc. All of this requires land ! as a result, fewer land had been used for agriculture! To make matters worse, the population is rising quickly, which means food availability is the biggest hazard. By 2050, experts have estimated the global population to exceed by a billion ! By then, it would be hard to tackle the situation.

Yet, people in wealthier countries have done nothing. Citizens in the rich north have a tendency to waste food! How ridiculous! Food that are unfinished or even still good has to be thrown away. But these people are questioned:

" It is not in good quality! "
"It is too much! "
" It is tasteless! "

These are the most common answers given. People take things for granted, they are selfish. For example, you can often see people in buffet restaurants placing food in their plates which would be as tall as them! In the end, when they cannot finish it, the garbage bins outside would be filled with those foods!

Change ! Improve your habits! Eat Less! Eating lesser or just at suitable amounts can bring one many beneficial means. One can have a healthier lifestyle, one can save money of buying food. It's like killing two birds with one stone. Beneficial !

"What can be done ?" you may ask.

Simple! Start from yourselves, share food with those who doesn't have enough, this can bring hope to these people, a packet of fried noodles doesn't cost much! Does it? Restaurants can also play their part in sharing leftovers which are still edible to the homeless, poor, the disabled, this is also the case with buffet restaurants! Finally, the government can send dry food items such as rice, canned food to people in rural areas. For example Africa.

Be the Change ! Make the world a better place!

Writing Feedback / Food Magazine Article; Describing the difficulties of feeding a growing world population. [3]

Dear all ,

Your help is appreciated .

Food ! One of human beings favourite obsessions and vital basic need for survival. At first, everyone has an abundance to enjoy, but when time goes, people start to industrialise: building factories, houses, apartments, shops, etc. All of this requires land ! as a result, fewer land had been used for agriculture! To make matters worse, the population is rising quickly, which means food availability is the biggest hazard. By 2050, experts have estimated the global population to exceed by a million! By then, it would be hard to tackle the situation.

Yet, people in wealthier countries have done nothing. Citizens in the rich north have a tendency to waste food! How ridiculous! Food that are unfinished or even still good has to be thrown away. But these people are questioned:

" It is not in good quality! "
"It is too much! "
" It is tasteless! "

These are the most common answers given. People take things for granted, they are selfish. For example, you can often see people in buffet restaurants placing food in their plates which would be as tall as them! In the end, when they cannot finish it, the garbage bins outside would be filled with those foods!

Change ! Improve your habits! Eat Less! Eating lesser or just at suitable amounts can bring one many beneficial means. One can have a healthier lifestyle, one can save money of buying food. It's like killing two birds with one stone. Beneficial !

"What can be done ?" you may ask.

Simple! Start from yourselves, share food with those who doesn't have enough, this can bring hope to these people, a packet of fried noodles doesn't cost much! Does it? Restaurants can also play their part in sharing leftovers which are still edible to the homeless, poor, the disabled, this is also the case with buffet restaurants! Finally, the government can send dry food items such as rice, canned food to people in rural areas. For example Africa.

Be the Change ! Make the world a better place!

Writing Feedback / Write a story about two children who leave their old home and start a new life in a new one. [3]

Try to show how the emotions and feelings of the children change as they leave their old home behind and arrive at their new home for the first time.

3939.Adam Froster remembered this set of numbers so deeply as if they were scars left in his heart, he knew his life changed because of them.

3rd of September 1939 , World War 2 had begun . The Nazi party in Germany came into control of the government. Laws were passed that made the skies dark for all the Jewish population. At that time , Adam was 14 years old , his younger brother was only 6. Those laws had a tremendous effect on them , they were not allowed to go to school ! Their parents were alarmed , fearing that the worst had yet to come. They packed their children's belongings and sent them to Holland.

Adam knew what was going on when he saw his parents panicking . He has to go ! Adam went downstairs ,step by step , hand touching the walls . He remembered his childhood ; running down stairs in early dusk to play with his friends ; paintings he used to hang on ; cried because of the scoldings he has gotten. The more steps he took , the more memories came flashing into his mind . Tears rolled down his cheeks , he balled his fist , not wanting to take a further step as he knows , the next step would seperate him from this families , friends , and this lovely , memorable home. A fog of discontent flooded him.

'What are you doing ? Where are we going ? Brother ? ' Tim popped out and asked.

Adam wiped his tears.

'We are going travelling! '

'Yea ! "

In Holland , Adam and his brother gave the good-bye kiss. Wishing good luck. Deep in Adam's heart , he knew , this was the last ; Tim was so excited he kept looking out of the window and waves hands. " Such joyful spirit " Adam thought

Their next memory was waiting at the Liverpool train Station. Waiting for a foster parent to adopt them. Fortunately , after seeing children left one by one, a middle-aged man took him in his shoulders and went off. Adam's and Tim's home was a great mansion with colourful flowers decorating it . But that didn't cheer Adam's spirit up , it did for Tim.

Every afternoon , Tim would be playing with his foster parent's children, Jake , Jim and Shelly . Even though Tim doesn't speak English , he communicates with sign language. At this time , Adam would sit in his room looking at his happy , immature brother enjoying himself. Adam was feeling homesick . The bread was white , table manners were different . Everything Was . Mr Richard didn't want to disturb him and let him adjust to his new lifestyle .Darkness filled his heart.

Lonely and memories were the only friend he had.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

PS : I am only a year 9 student ( 15 yr ) and my teacher gave me a 28.5/30 for this essay. But i dont find this essay as good as the marks she gave . Anyone help me who help me make some improvement would be appreciated .

Out of 10 how much would i get ? i welcome negative comments
I would love to help out with your questions :)