Undergraduate / Academic Statement for Study Abroad - Intentions & Goals for Studying at University of Edinburgh [2]

The prompt to this essay is very long and involved. I will paste the most important parts of it here:

Your statement should also describe how and why a study abroad year/semester in Edinburgh will assist you in achieving your academic and professional goals.

I have taken this to mean I should outline my paper based on these reasons for applying to the UofE: Why you want to study at the University of Edinburgh, why you chose the departments/courses you did, study and research interests you'll pursue, how all of this will help your academic and professional goals, and how you've prepared to be academically suited to the UofE)

This is what I have gotten so far. It is a mix of an outline and a very very rough draft. I typed as the thoughts came to me. Mainly right now I am trying to piece together ideas and see if they're actually valid points. Also this is 679 words and my goal is 500, so I am going to be hacking this whole thing apart even more than it already is, so please feel free to hack away.

My concerns already:
- it is not easy to break it down into more paragraphs. I can have paragraph 1 for why I applied to UofE specifically. Maybe paragraph 2 just about choosing the Computer Science department/my compsci goals/research interests/how i've prepared to be academically suited. And then paragraph 3 a bigger one doing the same thing for my 5 smaller fields, ENST, Math, Psych, French, and Law.

- Another concern is that I am going into too much detail in non-important courses. Yes I have already submitted my course forms but I don't know which courses I'll be taking. I won't actually be in 6 different departments, but I know they will want a reason for the spread of course choices. I just don't want to waste space talking about those other departments, so if you know of a way to narrow down that section and have it be more concise?

The draft/outline:
It's 729 words:

I went through a long and meticulous process to find The University of Edinburgh. I conducted an in depth search to find an abroad university with a large international community with global impact where I had the ability/access to study all that I wanted academically. The University of Edinburgh exceeds all of these expectations. At the University of Edinburgh, I can study my main academic focus of Computer Science, in a way that I cannot at home, that is with a large community that is international and offers varied perspectives. Additionally, I can embrace my academic curiosity and study my other varied interests. I have a hard time being tied down without wanting to be inquisitive and explore more pursuits, and The University of Edinburgh will allow me to explore varied interests in a way that still encourages academic rigor. While I could go through and show that everything on my meticulous, detailed checklist was checked off, I feel I can better demonstrate that the University of Edinburgh is perfect for my academic needs by discussing my academic interests.

The Computer Science department is one of the main things that drew me into the University of Edinburgh. I have every intention of using my study abroad experience to keep me on track for my academic and professional goals alongside my Computer Science degree, so I have discussed with multiple professors at Colgate as to which courses in the Informatics field would be most beneficial to this goal. I have only experienced the field while at my current University; I never got a chance to take it in high school and can be seen to have a relatively late start in the game. So, studying abroad will help me achieve my academic goal of getting an entirely new perspective on the field. Once you declare your major at my small home university, you are working with a small, select group of students that is largely unchanging. The University of Edinburgh will help me achieve my academic and professional goal of learning to work with a wide variety of people in the field. This large university will provide a different type of learning environment that will benefit my learning and my future in the profession.

I also intend to declare Environmental Studies as my minor, so I hope that by studying in the Environmental Studies department at the University of Edinburgh, I will vary my knowledge of environment. I must acknowledge that, while my education attempts to be ___universal___, I cannot truly claim unbiasedness in my United States education. The whole world is dealing with environmental issues, so studying at Edinburgh will help me achieve my academic goal of opening my eyes to further world environmental issues.

In addition to taking courses in the department of my major and minor, I have also chosen to explore the Mathematics, French, and Psychology department. Mathematics and Computer Science are very interrelated, and Math has always been a great interest of mine for my whole life. I hope that by continuing to explore Math alongside Computer Science that I will benefit academically. I briefly explored French and Psychology in high school and through online courses, so I have a great interest in taking these at a large scale, real life university. I have also taken to teaching myself what may appear to be the most out of place department of my choices, Law. I have always had an interest because of what people say about my attention for detail and my capacity for memorization, so I have followed video lecture series on the subject for some time now. While I know I cannot possibly take them all, I am eager to take what I can in these departments at such a rigorous university, where I can interact with professors and students. I got my start in Computer Science through self-teaching, and have grown to love it through university courses. I felt that this was good preparation for university-level rigor, so that's what I've done to prepare for UofE's rigor. Additionally, my university is very rigorous. I have become involved in lots of CompSci clubs to prepare for real life, professional rigor and competition. Finally, I am a go-getter who isn't afraid of risks. I have a real passion for academics and I am so excited to take this opportunity to expand on my knowledge.

Undergraduate / Brief Abroad Application paragraph. What do you hope to achieve academically & personally? [4]

- I have to write a brief paragraph for by Study Abroad application. The prompt is:
What do you hope to achieve academically and personally during your study abroad experience?

- I have used different names for my current University as well as my hometown. As it is relevant to the theme of the paragraph, though, just know that Marltown is a very very small liberal arts college in a rural remote location in the Northern United States, and Frazer is a large city in the South.

- I thought I would separate the paragraph into discussing what I want to achieve personally and then what I want to achieve academically, but this may not be the best way if you think it does not read well.

- Do you think my point about choosing Marltown is silly? One of the points of College is to be with different people, so I am afraid it is redundant/unnecessary to include this, BUT it really is the case that everyone from Frazer chooses large, SEC universities and is basically "stuck" in the South with a bunch of like-minded people.

Draft:
I hope to gain a diversified experience, both academically and culturally, by studying abroad. The reason I chose Marltown was to learn outside of the location that I grew up in. I chose a university that was miles from my home, and it was a choice not often made by my peers growing up in the same region. Returning home to Frazer, I can appreciate what being far outside of your comfort zone can give you in a personal sense. I am experiencing a different culture with people who were raised very differently from me. I feel that I have been able to grow exponentially from this experience. Now, my comfort zone has expanded to include Marltown, so I hope to move even farther outside of it. Study abroad will give me this similar change in cultural perspective, but internationally. Academically, I wish to experience a large college since I go to a very small college. The University of Edinburgh is known for its prestigious academics, especially within the Computer Science department, which is my major. This highly ranked Computer Science program will build on my current Marltown education in a way that will deepen and focus my varied interests. Attending a large university will push my boundaries and provide a unique learning environment beneficial to my growth as a student. Different from simply travelling, studying abroad will allow me to learn alongside these local students, which I have found is the best way to learn, that is, to learn with others who are not exactly like you.

Undergraduate / "Describe yourself" - brief paragraph for Undergraduate Study Abroad Program Application [3]

I need to write a brief paragraph to apply for a study abroad program. The only prompt is "Describe yourself." So, my first steps were to think of all of the adjectives I would use to describe myself. Now I just have a paragraph trying to connect a bunch of adjectives. (Not. good.) I have an outline of sorts that shows the flow I wish to take throughout the paragraph:

1. At first quiet/reserved/gentle/polite
1Ş. Yet funny, Kind-hearted/compassionate, warm, genial/personable/friendly, cheerful, caring, thoughtful.
2. I am detail-oriented/observant/meticulous, logical
2Ş. Yet Creative/artistic and highly inquisitive
3. Diligent/persistent,
3Ş. yet adaptive/flexible

-I chose to set it up this way to show my multi-faceted nature (as is the case for every human...). I just didn't want to come off poorly (quiet/reserved, meticulous, and persistent) without showing that I have more to me (funny, creative, open/flexible).

-In my head when I wrote this draft, the 3 sections & their subsections flowed logically together [Quiet --> but funny/warm/caring/thoughtful --> thoughtful because of my eye for detail with other people's emotions --> also eye for detail in my work/activities --> but I'm not detailed in a robotic way, I'm also very creative and artistic and inquisitive --> I'm diligent and persistent in my inquisitiveness (seeking new information, trivia, puzzles, researching random things) --> but this isn't to say I'm stubborn, I'm flexible/adaptive].

However, I am having trouble actually connecting all of them the way I wished to. Can anyone help create a better flow throughout this paragraph? This is a very rough draft, some sentences are just the adjectives I want to use in that section. Are there other words for what I am trying to describe about myself?

The Draft:
To those who may observe me, I am very quiet and reserved. I am naturally very unassuming and generally very kind. People most often say that I am a gentle soul. Kindness is a very large part of who I am; I find there is no need for negativity as everyone is facing his or her own battles. As this is one of the most prevalent things in my attitude, I would definitely describe myself as compassionate and warm. However, my personality is more dynamic than my quiet and warm demeanor would perhaps suggest. I am also a very funny, lighthearted, and cheerful person. Making my friends laugh with my impressions or stories brightens my day more than it does theirs. I am just a genial person with a keen eye for detail when it comes to others emotions, so I am very thoughtful as well. I like to brighten others day and I notice things about other people that leads me to being caring and thoughtful (unclear where that adjective pairing is going...). Aside from my insight with my personal relationships, I also have an insight for details in everything I do, leading me to be a very observant, meticulous and logical person. I live for the details. However, this is not to say that I am robotic and calculating. I am very creative, artistic, and highly inquisitive. My affinity for math, science, and logic does not keep me from being creative; I am just creative in a way that others find very unique. I make decisions using an objective and logical approach, but I incorporate this into art and my hobbies. I enjoy making things orderly and organized, and can actually best express that through art, drawing, and crafting. Having a plan for what I wish to create, perfecting the details in my drawing and crafts is one of my favorite ways to express my unique personality. Beyond my meticulousness, I am constantly seeking out new and interesting information. I love to solve puzzles, I love trivia, I love diving into unnecessary research just to discover new things. This gives me a unique perspective due to my broad range of interests and hobbies. Creativity is a source of differentiation. I am very diligent and persistent due to this meticulousness, but I still find myself able to be adaptive and open to new ideas and information, which comes from my inquisitive nature.