I need to write a brief paragraph to apply for a study abroad program. The only prompt is "Describe yourself." So, my first steps were to think of all of the adjectives I would use to describe myself. Now I just have a paragraph trying to connect a bunch of adjectives. (Not. good.) I have an outline of sorts that shows the flow I wish to take throughout the paragraph:
1. At first quiet/reserved/gentle/polite
1Ş. Yet funny, Kind-hearted/compassionate, warm, genial/personable/friendly, cheerful, caring, thoughtful.
2. I am detail-oriented/observant/meticulous, logical
2Ş. Yet Creative/artistic and highly inquisitive
3. Diligent/persistent,
3Ş. yet adaptive/flexible
-I chose to set it up this way to show my multi-faceted nature (as is the case for every human...). I just didn't want to come off poorly (quiet/reserved, meticulous, and persistent) without showing that I have more to me (funny, creative, open/flexible).
-In my head when I wrote this draft, the 3 sections & their subsections flowed logically together [Quiet --> but funny/warm/caring/thoughtful --> thoughtful because of my eye for detail with other people's emotions --> also eye for detail in my work/activities --> but I'm not detailed in a robotic way, I'm also very creative and artistic and inquisitive --> I'm diligent and persistent in my inquisitiveness (seeking new information, trivia, puzzles, researching random things) --> but this isn't to say I'm stubborn, I'm flexible/adaptive].
However, I am having trouble actually connecting all of them the way I wished to. Can anyone help create a better flow throughout this paragraph? This is a very rough draft, some sentences are just the adjectives I want to use in that section. Are there other words for what I am trying to describe about myself?
The Draft:
To those who may observe me, I am very quiet and reserved. I am naturally very unassuming and generally very kind. People most often say that I am a gentle soul. Kindness is a very large part of who I am; I find there is no need for negativity as everyone is facing his or her own battles. As this is one of the most prevalent things in my attitude, I would definitely describe myself as compassionate and warm. However, my personality is more dynamic than my quiet and warm demeanor would perhaps suggest. I am also a very funny, lighthearted, and cheerful person. Making my friends laugh with my impressions or stories brightens my day more than it does theirs. I am just a genial person with a keen eye for detail when it comes to others emotions, so I am very thoughtful as well. I like to brighten others day and I notice things about other people that leads me to being caring and thoughtful (unclear where that adjective pairing is going...). Aside from my insight with my personal relationships, I also have an insight for details in everything I do, leading me to be a very observant, meticulous and logical person. I live for the details. However, this is not to say that I am robotic and calculating. I am very creative, artistic, and highly inquisitive. My affinity for math, science, and logic does not keep me from being creative; I am just creative in a way that others find very unique. I make decisions using an objective and logical approach, but I incorporate this into art and my hobbies. I enjoy making things orderly and organized, and can actually best express that through art, drawing, and crafting. Having a plan for what I wish to create, perfecting the details in my drawing and crafts is one of my favorite ways to express my unique personality. Beyond my meticulousness, I am constantly seeking out new and interesting information. I love to solve puzzles, I love trivia, I love diving into unnecessary research just to discover new things. This gives me a unique perspective due to my broad range of interests and hobbies. Creativity is a source of differentiation. I am very diligent and persistent due to this meticulousness, but I still find myself able to be adaptive and open to new ideas and information, which comes from my inquisitive nature.
Kate, if I may, I have decided that the best way to help you develop this essay is to give you ideas regarding how you can develop certain topic points that arose within the essay that you wrote. I'll be posting the ideas below along with the topic point.
However, my personality is more dynamic than my quiet and warm demeanor would perhaps suggest.
-Explain why you think of yourself this way. If possible, share a story that relates to this comment. Perhaps show the reviewer the side of you that is carefree and sometimes irresponsible. Maybe describe what kind of situations or attitudes make you angry or drive you to take action.
I live for the details.
- Maybe you can discuss how this trait of yours can be both a good and bad thing as far as other people who know you are concerned? That is still a method of describing yourself.
Please don't forget to divide the essay into paragraphs. One of the reasons that you find it hard to develop your essay is because you have not bothered to allow the thought process and topic sentences to have space to grow on the page. If you allow each topic its own space, you will be able to better concentrate and think about how you want to develop that paragraph.
Finally, if it will help you write this essay better, you can always refer to your friends for help. Ask them to write down how they would describe you as a person. List down the traits that seem to be commonly observed among your friends and then use their words to help you describe yourself in the essay. Sometimes, it is best to look at ourselves from the point of view of others. That is how we get to know ourselves better. That is how you also learn how to best describe who you are and what motivates you as a person :-)
Thank you Louisa! I've tried to make it much shorter since it is actually only supposed to be one paragraph. I have made it less formulaic and tried to incorporate personal stories into it so it doesn't sound so robotic.
Can anyone tell me if this creates a good impression? (aside from the still not-present flow)
Second draft:
One of my most thoughtful teachers in high school asked us in our senior year to choose one word to describe ourselves and, unbeknownst to us, she would later choose one at the end of the year that she felt best described us. In the spur of the moment, I chose "open-minded." I try not to judge others and am welcoming to differences, as everyone has their own personal battles. At the end of the year, she chose what I now find to be the best word to describe me: "gentle." While gentle would be an easy word to choose just based on my quiet and reserved manner, my teacher later explained that it was my gentle soul that she was describing. Kindness is a large part of who I am, as I try to remember that everyone is fighting their own battles. I am just a very compassionate, warm, and genial person and I find that this manifests throughout my life in the way I treat others. I love to make people laugh and am just a generally lighthearted and cheerful person. I think my experience in acting and improvisation from a young age has allowed me to not take myself too seriously when I don't need to. However, this lighthearted side of me is often juxtaposed with my detail-oriented, meticulous, logical, focused, ambitious, and perfectionist nature. I live for the details yet I am not calculating and robotic. I still find flexibility through my imagination and creativity. While I do enjoy making things orderly and organized, I can actually best express that through my artistic hobbies, such as drawing and cake decorating. Making a plan, perfecting the details in what I create, and sharing that with others is one of my favorite ways to combine all the facets of my unique personality. Finally, I would say that I am a focused critical thinker who is eager to learn. I am inquisitive by nature and am constantly seeking out new and interesting information. My mom constantly points out photos of myself as a child doing a puzzle while others are napping or immersed in a pile of books at age 2. I often dive into personal research just to discover new things. I am constantly solving puzzles now, with my Computer Science major. Whether it is through lighthearted trivia contests with my friends,(Unfinished thought. Unsure how to conclude paragraph but something about tying it all together)
